One of the most frustrating and disheartening things that people go through after a breakup is seeing their ex dive into a new relationship. It fills your head with doubts, it sparks panic, and it makes you worry that there is nothing that you can do to turn things around. This is a question that pops up in the comments section of our videos as well as on our articles, so I wanted to write a specific article for you on the subject today!
When you’re faced with this type of situation, it’s normal that you would immediately think, “My ex jumped into another relationship. Is all hope lost for us being together again?” I want you to rest assured and know that no, it is not the end of the world and there are still plenty of things that you can do to spark your ex’s interest in you! First we are going to go over what your ex is feeling and why they’re in a new relationship already, and then we will take a look at what exactly you can do about it!
Though it’s hard, this period is going to require some patience and self control but if you can really invest in making some changes right now, you’ll see that you can turn things around and get your ex back! It’s easy to assume the worst and think that all hope is lost, but rest assured. By the end of this article you’ll know what to do and you’ll be on the road to success in getting your ex back!
How is it possible that my ex jumped into another relationship so fast?
It’s painful to witness when you’re still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. This is when we see rebound relationships. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a bandaid that distracts a person from the pain of their breakup.
A person will often try to date someone new just to distract them from the loss of their last relationship.
When you find out that your ex is dating someone new already, you can experience a huge blow to your ego, to your well-being and to your confidence in the odds of you getting this person back. It’s also enough to make you panic and make some mistakes…
It can seem impossible to understand how the person you love could so “easily” move on from you. You think that they’ve forgotten about you at the drop of a hat and that you didn’t mean anything. I want you to understand that it isn’t that simple. It’s not so black and white!
Your ex is in a rebound relationship because they don’t want to lose momentum and pause to feel the pain of all of this. They are just as dissatisfied and disillusioned with the demise of your relationship as you are. The fact that they’re seeing someone new doesn’t automatically mean that they’re happy now. They’ve invested time and energy in the relationship you shared as well.
I want to you remember that a rebound relationship is nothing more than a bandaid. As my colleague Coach Natalie refers to them, they are sedatives. It’s like if you have a headache, you take an Advil. If you have a heartache, you get a rebound. The thing that a lot of people don’t realize is that a new relationship does not cancel out all of the negative emotions that come with the breakup that happened just before.
They use it as an escape, not realizing that it all of the emotions they tried to ignore will surge up later on down the line (and they are often much more intense than they would have been if they hadn’t been suppressed before). This is why it’s so important for you to remain in control of your emotions and avoid any actions that would paint you in a bad light… but more on that in a moment.
These relationships don’t have staying power. They’re used as a tool when someone is feeling vulnerable, and that doesn’t give them a solid foundation. So I want you to understand that even if you’re sitting there thinking, “My ex jumped into another relationship already,” don’t assume that this is the new love of their life and don’t assume that this relationship is a real threat to you.
This person is not a better match for your ex just because it took them so little time to get together. This does not cancel out all of the precious memories you shared with this person, and this most certainly does not mean that your ex doesn’t feel anything for you anymore.
Their feelings do not disappear into thin air overnight, even if they’re trying to mask them right now.
My ex is in a rebound relationship and I don’t know what to do now
Though it’s hard, I need you to understand the importance of not allowing yourself to overreact. A new boyfriend or girlfriend is not necessarily your ex’s future spouse.
Just think about how hard it is to find a compatible partner. What are the odds of your ex actually finding someone that special so soon after a huge breakup? The odds are slim to none. Your ex is just casually seeing someone new, and the likelihood of that being or developing into something special is very slim.
On top of that, a person is very emotionally unavailable in a breakup and whatever feelings they’re investing into this new person are just the excess feelings they’ve been able to scrape up from the emotional floor.
Just like you, your ex is wounded and is in no condition to deeply connect with someone new.
So when you see your ex jumping into a relationship after a breakup, instead of panicking I want you to take all that energy and begin focusing it on yourself. Use this as fuel for highlighting what lead to your break up and what you can change. Now is the time to make some serious improvements so that you can focus on your well being and personal growth.
The absolute best way to make your ex want you back is to present a new and improved version of yourself to them. Think about what kinds of things got put on the back burner while you were in the relationship and how you lost track of yourself. You want to remind your ex of the person he or she fell in love with in the first place, but show a new and improved version.
Your ex didn’t leave you because they wanted to be with this other person. They ended the relationship because they doubted your ability to make them happy longterm. So instead of fixating on thoughts like, “My ex jumped into another relationship so fast, think about how you’re going to showcase your changes and show your ex that you CAN make them happy.
For more in depth information on how to do this, I encourage you to read this article on how to recover from a breakup!
Avoid acting needy and clingy around your ex. Avoid calling them up all the time or desperately trying to be in contact. When you are in contact, your goal needs to ensure that your ex associates you with positive emotions. This means that you’ve got to be a pleasure to be around! Be your charming, funny, positive self and showcase the positive changes you’ve been making in your life.
You want your ex to look at you and think, “Wow, I really enjoy spending time with this person and I’d love to see them more often…”
By doing so, you’re going to begin to rebuild the complicity between you which will in turn open up the gateway to re-seducing your ex.
If you start acting out, your ex is going to recoil and move further into the arms of this new person, which is the absolute opposite of what we want.
We want your ex to become attracted to the idea of getting closer to you; not the opposite!
As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to leave any questions in the comments section below or reach out to us directly here!
We are here to help guide you every step of the way.
Wishing you all the best in life and love
Your coach when you’re thinking “My ex is seeing someone else”