I think I’m preaching to the choir by saying “Breakups are rough.” At best they can be lightly jarring, and at worst, they can push us over the edge to say or do things we never thought we could or would. Perhaps you two broke up because it wasn’t the right time, or set of circumstances, or even the right person. One can only hope for a romantic relationship to end on good terms, for there to be no animosity between the two parties, and be on their separate ways peacefully and amicably. However, we all know that seldom ends up being the case. What if your ex is the one breaking up with you and says, “I don’t see us getting back together,” yet you still see a possible future with him or her? What’s the move here? Do you accept the statement and gracefully bow out.
Let’s take it a step further. What if your relationship was tumultuous? You and your ex hurt each other either through betrayal, neglect, unfulfilled promises, etc. The breakup was coming for some time and you both knew it. At this point you’re both at the end of your respective ropes, but you still love each other. Or, at least you still love your ex. You go to your friend’s place afterwards, and they ask you how that “talk” went. You say, “my ex told me we are never getting back together“.” Your friend cringes and says, “Yikes…” The tell you, “Alright, I guess that’s it… time to let go”
But no! You know you messed up, but you want to make amends and fight for what you know is true love! What do you do then?? Well, first of all, CALL US. But if you’re not quite ready to make that leap and think you clean this up on your own, let us explain what’s going through your ex’s mind and what their intentions are when you find yourself saying, “my ex told me we are never getting back together.”
My ex told we are never getting back together : is it true ?
So your ex is pissed at you and she says there is no chance of getting back together. First thing’s first: Relax. Your ex isn’t a psychic or a mind-reader. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. There’s always a chance to get back together. There’s always hope. Your ex is simply trying to kill that hope. Why should they keep it alive for you? You guys broke up. You’re no longer lovers.
You definitely aren’t friends. But your ex is too hurt and the wound is too fresh for them to be indifferent. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Since indifference nor loving you are options, they hate you. Or they are at least trying to hate you because they think this will help them move on. Any angry words coming out of their mouth are just an attempt to hurt your feelings so that you lose hope of ever reconciling.
Now that your ex has made it clear for you after saying that “she or he doesn’t see us getting back together“,” this statement is out in the universe and can’t take it back. Your ex is going to have a need to be consistent with his or her words and will make every attempt to prove themselves right. They don’t want to backtrack on what they said. No one does.
So this need to be consistent with their words is going to make them even more adamant and more determined that you two never get back together. No one likes to be proven wrong, and people will even lie to themselves and deny the truth just to be consistent with their initial statements and beliefs. It’s called denial. So if you’re saying, “my ex said we are never getting back together,” try not to pay too much mind to it. Your ex could just be in denial.
Or, your ex could just be testing you. They want you to fight for your love and your relationship. You may be saying “my ex said we are never getting back together” but he or she is just using reverse psychology on you to test you and see what you will do. If this is the case, they are placing the burden of saving the relationship on you, while at the same time showing you that they can stick up for themselves and not tolerate anything less than what they want or feel they deserve. It’s a win-win situation for them.
Either they hang their head high knowing that they did not settle for less, or you prove them wrong by winning them back (if that’s what they genuinely want deep down in their heart). However, you need to understand that sometimes when an ex tells you, “we will never get back together,” they are saying it in the heat of the moment and you need to let emotions and tensions die down. Cool down periods are so essential to getting back with an ex and they go unacknowledged and under-utilized.
Why debate your ex and convince them to take you back or that you still have a chance to have a fulfilling relationship if the conversation isn’t going to be productive? Also, arguing with them over it is only going to make them double down on their beliefs and make you seem needy and desperate.
Your best bet in this case is to implement no contact for the sake of letting emotions cool off and reason return to the table. This will enable you to have a more productive conversation down the line, and you and your ex will be able to communicate better and actually listen to each other with a clear head.
5 tips to change that we are never ever getting back together
1/ Show a new life with new activities (do something new once a week !)
When an ex tells you, “we will never get back together,” it’s usually conditional, and that condition more often than not goes unsaid, and your ex may not even be thinking about it. Your ex is saying “we will never get back together… unless things change”.
So you have to take action and do something. Start off small and simple before overwhelming yourself with the more complicated stuff, like working out, educating yourself with a new hobby or skill, or meditating. Usually, if you turn one of these three activities into a habit, it will reap dividends into other areas of your life.
2/ Never try to convince them … Forget about the past
“My ex told me we are never getting back together,” a client wrote me. I tell them, “Ok, that’s fine. If you’re still in contact with them, DO NOT BRING IT UP OR TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP.” When people break up and are sorting out the emotional mess that comes with it, they have a bad habit of talking in circles about the relationship, the breakup, and all the drama that ensues.
What then happens is that people get stressed and overwhelmed. The reason for being together in the first place turns from “fun” to “trying to prove the other person wrong” in order to find a resolution for the whole situation. Disregard that your ex ever said that and move forward – not on – with your life.
3/ Chemistry is key.. Use humor and act like a friend
Since you are no longer trying to convince or reason with your ex about getting back together, you have accepted the situation… for now. You need to stop telling them that you two deserve to be together and start showing them.
But this exhibition is going to be slow and over time. Show your ex emotional maturity and that you can deal with the uncertainty of being in an in-between state of “no longer lovers” but “not quite friends” and roll with the punches.
4/ Don’t show your love but restart from scratch to attract your ex like the beginning of a relationship
As you move the ball up the field, bit by bit, moving and progressing this new dynamic between you and your ex, keep in mind that you’re going up against a break wall with the words “we will never get back together” written all over it.
Accept that you will never get back together because the old you is gone, and a new you will emerge. You and your ex will be starting on a whole new relationship from scratch. The only way to move forward with an ex is if you two can forgive and forget the mistakes and hurdles of the past and not dwell on them.
5/ Use social network and people around you to show your new identity
Use every tool at your disposal to show, not tell, your ex that you’re implementing the changes that you now recognize needed to take place in order for you two to have a successful relationship. Your social media networks are a great place to start.
This also applies to professional networking sites as well. A nice bank account and job title speaks just as much as action. So if your ex sees that you’ve made strides in improving your life and not staying stagnant or complacent in your current position, this will intrigue them and make them reconsider their declaration that you two will never get back together.
Are we never getting back together ? You need to believe in yourself
Getting back together with an ex is no easy feat depending on the circumstances. There are some people who will take their ex back at the drop of a hat, no matter what’s happened.
There are others who, for the life of them, can’t accept that it’s never going to happen and continue to look for ways on how to get a stubborn ex back. Our firm, With My Ex Again, will never mislead you or give you false promises. Once we gather the details of your ended relationship, we give it to you straight on whether there’s a fighting chance or not.
Regardless, even if you come to us saying, “my ex told me we are never getting back together,” we are still going to do our best to get you back into fighting shape so you can face the upcoming challenges head on.
Our primary goals are to help you reach the best version of yourself so you can either approach your ex from a position of confidence and enthusiasm, or approach the situation with a clear mind and a clear heart and recognize whether to keep fighting or move forward. Whatever fate has in store for you, you need to have faith in the process, the universe, and yourself.
Don’t run to your friends and tell them, “my ex told me we are never getting back together.” Leave us a comment down below instead and we’ll reach out directly to you!
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!