Stephanie, one of my clients, emailed me yesterday. The subject line of her email was, “He kissed me last night!!” Great news, right? She wanted to know if it meant that she was about to get her ex boyfriend back. It’s true that being kissed by your ex is a big deal, but it can mean different things based on your specific situation.
There are a few situations that mean very different things in terms of restoring your relationship, and I am going to go over these as well as what needs to happen next. If you want to get back together with this person, the timing of this kiss and the other techniques you’re using will show you whether you’re on the right track or not!
Although this might sound confusing, I’m going to clarify this for your throughout this article. By the time you finish reading this, you’ll know exactly what you need to do!
How come my ex kissed me?
Stephanie and her ex had broken up a few months ago. She’s been using the radio silence technique for a few weeks now, and she’s been sticking to it like a champ. She’s been using the time away from her ex to really bounce back from the breakup and become the best version of herself. She hasn’t given in to temptation to reach out to him, even though she wants to be back together with him with all her heart. She’s taken up a new spin class and has been making all kinds of new friends. She’s going out and having so much fun with her best friend, and then two nights ago, she ran into her ex at a bar!
She told me that at first she panicked. She hadn’t planned on reopening contact with him yet and she froze. She contemplated leaving, but when she saw how his eyes were locked on her, she decided that it might be time to end her no contact period. By the way, if you’d like to learn more in-depth information on the no contact rule, all you have to do is click right here.
He ended up approaching her, and she realized that she felt confident. She knew exactly what she brought to the table – especially because she had been using her time away from him to boost her self confidence. They ended up talking all night long!
“He told me that he’s been seeing all the pictures I’ve been posting on my Instagram and he feels like an idiot for having let me go. I saw that he recognized that I was getting back in control of my life. I mean the reason we broke up was that things became so monotonous and both of us lost ourselves in the relationship. We had become this symbiotic couple and we were both addicted to each other without making each other happy.
He told me that he recognized that and saw that I did too, and that I was doing what was in my power to make sure that I don’t wind up doing the same thing with my life a second time. I asked him if he had made any changes as well, and he replied that he actually started seeing a personal trainer so was helping to motivate him to be better. Anyway, we talked all night as though there was no one else in the room, and then he kissed me!!!”
Stephanie wanted to know if this meant that her plan to make him want her back had worked and if it meant that they were back together! I explained that she was most certainly on the right track, but she had to continue taking care of herself if she wanted the budding relationship to head in a positive direction. She and her ex both knew how things ended in the past and they needed to develop a new relationship together in which there was more balance.
The reason I share this story with you is to illustrate an example of a situation in which the fact that someone is thinking, “She kissed me” or “He kissed me” is a clear sign that they’re on the right track!
When you see that the kiss is a direct result of your efforts to improve your life and make your ex want you back, you’re very likely to get back together with the person you love! If you’re wondering, “Why did my ex kiss me,” just know that you’re doing something right and you’ve made him or her miss you!
Now, there is another situation in which kissing an ex could actually be detrimental to your efforts…
My ex kissed me and now we’re hooking up…
This is where we get into tricky territory. There are many people that come to me for help saying, “I kissed her and she kissed me, and now we’re sleeping together… We aren’t together though, what do I do?”
The problem is that many people make the mistake of allowing themselves to fall into a friends with benefits situation.
I know that the temptation is strong. This is the person you love most and you want to be intimate. You want to be close and you want to be in their arms all night. It’s normal. Unfortunately, depending on how you approach the situation, it could actually really damage your chances of being in a serious relationship with this person again.
You see, when you hand everything to a person on a silver platter, they no longer have anything to work for, and it becomes very easy for them to take you for granted. I know that this isn’t what you want to hear, but if you’re going to be kissing your ex, you’re going to want to make sure he or she sees you as a potential partner – not a one night stand or a friend with benefits.
Of course it’s always better than falling into the dreaded friend zone, but you have to find balance, and make them find you desirable and not give too much too soon! I know that this is delicate, so don’t forget that I am always here to guide you if you need me!
What if I kissed my ex and we already started hooking up but I’m using other techniques as well?
You might be wondering if you’re entirely doomed if you already started sleeping with your ex but haven’t managed to make them want to be in a serious relationship with you again. No, you aren’t doomed, don’t worry!
Here’s the key: don’t use sex or any other type of physical intimacy as your only tool for getting them back. It’s true that at some point you’re going to have to start getting physical with your ex if you want them back! Now, the people that are very happy that they kissed an ex or slept with an ex are generally not those that used only this technique. They paired it with other powerful tools that intensified the bond between them.
You have to use re-seduction techniques and alternate between closeness and distance to ensure that you aren’t being taken for granted. Maintain an element of mystery and make your ex want more. If you’d like to know more about re-seducing an ex, just click here.
To summarize, if you’re saying, “I saw my ex and then he kissed me,” or “We met up and then she kissed me,” it’s a great thing as long as you aren’t using physical intimacy as you’re only method of making him or her want you back. You want your ex to see you as an exciting challenge; not an easy booty call. Yes, you are physically attracted to one another, yes it’s easy and convenient to be intimate with someone you already know so well, but if you want more than that you have to do everything in your power to ensure that your ex understands that you aren’t looking for a hookup.
I sincerely wish you all the best!
Your coach when an ex kissed you