Sometimes you probably want to shake them by the shoulders and say, “You took my love for granted and you take ME for granted! I don’t know what more you want from me!” It’s incredibly frustrating and disheartening, but don’t worry. You’ve found an article in which you’ll learn why your ex would take you for granted, and what exactly you can do about it.
Even if your ex has been taking you and your love for granted for a very long time, you can still turn things around and lay the foundation for a much more satisfying and respectful relationship with them in the future! Without further ado, let’s take a look at how.
Why is your ex taking you for granted?
It’s no fun to hear, but it boils down to something very simple. If your ex is taking you for granted, it means that you’ve been allowing it. The more you tolerate, the more a person is going to think that it’s OK to treat you like this. That might sound harsh, but I want you to understand the importance of not letting a person, and especially not your ex, take you for granted.
If you want to get back together with this person, you’re going to have to lay out a proper foundation for a respectful and supportive relationship that will withstand the test of time.
Being taken for granted by an ex is a fairly common phenomenon. When you love somebody, it is very natural for you to want to give to them. You want them to feel loved, supported and confident in the love you have for them.
When you go through a breakup and you don’t want to lose this person, you might even go into overdrive and attempt to shower them with love and affection. You just want them to know how much you care and to be aware of the fact that you’re still there. You want to prove to them that your love is so strong that you can still have a happy relationship together.
The problem with this is that human beings have a terrible tendency of taking things for granted. When something is handed to us on a silver platter, we don’t cherish it as much as we would if we had to work for it. A lot of people end up taking others for granted unintentionally simply because that’s what society showed us to do.
The definition of being taken for granted is when you are undervalued by someone and your worth is not reflected in the way that you are being treated. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t realize how much power they actually have over this type of situation. Other times, fear paralyzes them and makes them continue to accept being taken for granted.
A person who feels like they’re being taken for granted will typically seek validation from their ex instead of valuing themselves.
This often happens when a person tries to take a shortcut to winning their ex’s heart back. You might be hoping that there’s one thing that you can do or say to prove to your ex how much you love them, and therefore make them instantly fall back in love with you.
The period following a breakup needs to be a period of personal development. You must learn how to validate yourself instead of bending to your partner’s every whim in hopes of making them fall for you again. This is exactly how you get taken for granted.
However, if you’re serious about personal development, you will restore your self confidence and reinforce your self worth. This is when you will put and end to allowing yourself to be taken for granted! If you don’t put high value on yourself, your ex won’t either.
A good way to test whether or not you are letting your ex take you for granted is to ask yourself a very simple question.
If another guy was treating your best friend the way your ex is treating you right now, would you tell them to stay or to leave?
Oftentimes, we allow this type of behavior because we don’t want to give ourselves reason to pull away from the person we love. We’ll say things like, “I’m still here because I’m so understanding,” “It’s only because my ex is stressed at work,” or, “It’s just because his dad was like this with his mom…”
The more you accept, the less incentive you’re giving this person to change… So what needs to happen?
Giving the person who took you for granted an electroshock
If this has been going on for a while, chances are that you’ve been very flexible and patient with your ex, and that you’ve tried hard to mold yourself to his or her needs. The problem of course is that the longer this goes on for, the deeper you fall into this pattern.
This pattern most likely began while you were still together. Our life begins to revolve around our partner and the relationship. Important elements like our circle of friends, our hobbies, our passions, our personal projects as well as our professional projects, and even our physical health can get put on the back burner. We try to do everything with our partner and they become the center of our universe. This creates all kinds of imbalances in your life, not to mention emotional dependency.
If you feel that this could be happening in your situation, it’s time to unlearn these negative patterns because they’re making you unhappy.
From here on out, your ex must have no more opportunities to neglect you. In the majority of situations, the no contact rule is the best technique to use. If you’re unfamiliar with it, I highly encourage you to click the link and find out more about it. To summarize, it consists of cutting contact with your ex for a period of three weeks to three months. The goal is to give him or her an electroshock so that they realize what life is actually like without you. They’ve become so accustomed to taking you for granted that they don’t even know what it’s like to face living without you.
While you’re using this tool, it is crucial that you switch your focus to making your life into what you’ve always wanted it to be. It’s time to restore and boost your self confidence, and the best way to do so is by filling your schedule up with things that make you happy.
When you’re busy, you’ll be proving to yourself that you are perfectly capable of making yourself happy and that you do bring a lot to the table. You will no longer be giving everything to someone who is taking you for granted. Instead, you’ll be making your life much more enticing and fulfilling. This is when something interesting will begin to happen. You will notice a shift in your ex…
They’ll suddenly realize that they are no longer at the center of your universe, and they’ll start to pay closer attention to what you’ve been up to. When they realize that your life looks like something they’d want to be a part of, they will start moving closer and closer to you. Up until now, they’ve been used to having you give them whatever they want, so it’s up to you to ensure that you’re busy and that you don’t have time to prioritize this person all the time.
You’re taking care of yourself, you’ve got your own things going on, and anyone that you allow into your inner circle is very lucky to be there. Your ex is going to have to understand that if they want to be close to you, they’re going to have to start giving. This is why it’s so important to build a life for yourself that would inspire someone (namely your ex) to want to be a part of it!
As always, we are always here to help so please don’t hesitate to reach out to us directly right here. You can also leave any questions you may have in the comments section below.
Wishing you the very best in life and love,
Your coach when you see your ex take you for granted,
Adrian
