When you reconcile with your ex, it’s OK to take control of the situation, but never force your view onto the other person. Even if you’re thinking I miss my ex, you have to remain in control of your emotions.
Your ex is expecting a change in behavior so you NEED to show empathy, but you also need to know when certain emotions are not appropriate. In this article we will explore what happens when two people get back together, and what you have to do to ensure that your new relationship with your ex brings you closer than ever! There are specific tools (and not ex quotes!) for becoming closer with your partner and there are certain actions that can unexpectedly pull you apart. Knowing how to fulfill your partners needs and not depending on them to fulfill yours is going to be very important in your reconciliations. Neither person should depend on the other, but they should know how to lift their partner up and offer them a fulfilling relationship.
Reconciling with your ex is a two way street. You can’t force them to think a certain way, nor should you do all the work yourself. If you feel this may be true but are unsure of exactly what it means, then continue reading! We are going to take a look at what exactly needs to change in the new relationship, and how to ensure that you remain in control of your emotions. You might be wondering why this is so important, and guess what! You’ll learn about that in this article as well.
Once reconciled, your ex must also make steps towards you!
If you are at the beginning of your reconciliation, I strongly suggest you take a couple steps back and read one of my articles devoted to understanding the breakup.
Getting your ex back doesn’t entail chasing after them and doing whatever you can to make them love you again. Nor does it mean that you should sit around waiting for them to give you a positive sign. Neither of these extremes will get you very far…
You must silence your emotions and try to be in control. They will most likely trigger a negative reaction from your ex if you are unable to think and act clearly by letting your emotions get the best of you. Acting on fear and impulses is how you will actually manage to drive your ex away from you permanently. They need to sincerely want you back into their life, and not be intimidated or bullied into coming back to you.
When a person lets their negative emotions get the best of them, what tends to happen is that stop acting like themselves. When you are scared that you’ll break up again, or you feel anxious about your partner’s feelings for you, panic at the thought that everything needs to be perfect, or when you subconsciously put a ton of pressure on the relationship to work, something very interesting begins to happen. These feelings can do one of two things…
Either they paralyze you and make you feel like you need to be walking on eggshells all the time, which in turn makes it hard to voice your opinion or act naturally. Your ex will pick up on this change and it can start creating a disconnect between you. The other possibility is that this makes you act out with fits of jealousy or neediness.
Obviously none of these things are going to help when you’re working on making up with your ex, so you’ll need to learn to keep this in check. When you are able to remain in control, the dynamic of the relationship quickly changes and things begin to feel more balanced. When your partner sees that you are comfortable and confident, they will begin to feel the same way. You two are then able to act very naturally around each other, which is how you were when you fell in love initially!
To reconcile with your ex you need to play a game for two
After a breakup, it’s important not to see your reconciliation as a “blast to the past”. Your old relationship is gone, and that’s a good thing! Instead take a step forward. Something clearly wasn’t working; which is exactly why you separated. So why would you want to have the same relationship as before? The goal of making up with an ex is to give the love between you another chance after having learned from your mistakes from the past. You want to reach your full potential by going down the right road this time.
So what’s a great way to do this when you’ve just gotten back together Recreate a new attraction and thus, a new game of seduction.
What does this game of seduction that I am referring to entail?
You need to recreate a connection with your ex and establish a process based on reciprocity allowing you both to be involved in the relationship on equal grounds. When you make peace with your ex you basically need to construct a new relationship in which you keep the good things from the past, and get rid of the things that were causing problems. In order to do this, you need to take some time to pinpoint what exactly wasn’t working and work on coming up with realistic and long-term solutions. A useful tool for this is writing it all down and inviting your partner to do the same.
Of course there are some things that only you can change (aspects of your personality like being hot-tempered or reluctant to communicate,) but for the rest, it will be important for both of you to realize that you’re both making an effort to improve the situation. If one person is making it more effort than the other to put the pieces back together and improve the situation, it could lead to resentment.
Making up with ex is an amazing thing, but a lot of people are naive and think that once you’re back together, everything is just automatically perfect.
So how does seduction play a role in all of this? By playing up the desire between you, you get closer and closer to your partner. The closer you feel, the easier it is to be intimate about your feelings. The bond between you begins to strengthen, and you have an easier time being honest. When you’re honest, you communicate better, and you’re able to discuss what you’d like to happen in your relationship. It also invites your partner to do the same, the complicity between you becomes more present.
When both of you understand what went wrong and what lead to the painful breakup, what you want, and the intimacy between you is very well taken care of, it makes is so much easier to move forward. You become closer in every sense of the word!
When you make up with your ex you must focus on construction instead of the past!
The process of reconciliation must always be the start of a new relationship, which will fulfill both you and your ex’s needs.
I notice way too often that couples get back together only to jump back into the same relationship, and commit the same mistakes, which inevitably leads to one of the parties being unhappy. Most of the time, that person will be your ex. That is why I strongly urge you to play into a game of seduction that allows you to constantly fuel their desire.
There is always an epilogue to reconciliation, so never try to force your will onto your ex or overdo it when it comes to the amends that you need to make. Remember, a relationship lived in fear of breaking up is never a good relationship in the end.
To close this article, I just wanted to give you another tip. Don’t bring up the past in conversation too often. When you get back together, it’s important to discuss what went wrong and come up with solutions together, but it’s equally important to not dwell on the things that hurt you.
What I mean is that a lot of people remain in the role of the “victim” after a breakup, and subconsciously hold that over their partner’s head. This subconscious resentment prevents you from enjoying being together and moving forward. Similarly, if you keep talking to your partner about how they’ve hurt you (especially if they’ve been making an effort to improve things), they can begin to feel like their efforts are futile! This in turn makes them feel less motivated and it’s like throwing a wrench in the gears.
The best thing to do is to really focus on the positive, focus on the future, make sure you communicate with your partner about how they’ve been making you feel happy, and avoid bringing up the past unnecessarily.
I wish the best reconciliation to all of you!
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