Why Breakups Occur? Answers By Relationship Experts Specialized In Getting Back With An Ex

We wanted to share some of the questions that have been asked to us during our coaching sessions on how to get back with an ex and on the topic of why breakups happen or what leads couples to a separation.

Q&As between people like you and relationship experts from WithMyExAgain.com

It’s our firm belief that if you don’t know where things went wrong you are bound to make the same mistakes over and over again. Sometimes it’s necessary to take a step back in order to make a leap forward.

Enjoy these FAQs. We hope that it will bring you some of the answers that you have been looking for regarding your own relationship, and that it will enable you to better understand why you and your ex may have broken up.

Sincerely,

Adrian & Alex

Your relationships experts from the Love Coach Team at WithMyExAgain.com

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“He broke up with me over a month ago and I still don’t know why?”

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Patricia, 31, Glendale, AZ

Adrian:

Tons of people are broken up with without being a clear reason or explanation as to why the breakup occurred. Sometimes your ex feels so guilty that he just doesn’t want to confront you or talk to you about the real reasons behind the breakup.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people reach out to me saying Adrian, “he broke up with meand I don’t even know why!” Sometimes it’s just that your ex is conflicted and he, himself doesn’t really know why he feels the urge to end things or to be single. How could he possibly explain to you why you can no longer be together if he cannot get a grasp of his own emotions?

Other times I’ve seen ex’s not give any reasons for the breakup to try to protect either themselves, because they are being cowards; or to protect you, the person being broken up with. It may sound odd that he would still try to protect you by not speaking to you while also breaking up but I’ve seen it happen time and time again. He knows that his words will be hurtful and he still has some affection for you, so he avoids facing the issue all together.

It’s also possible that he still has feelings for you but that he doesn’t think that your relationship will ever amount to anything; so he’s just trying to protect himself by avoiding you to have you stop chasing him and to make you give up all together!

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“I broke up with my ex girl friend because I thought I didn’t like her anymore!”

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Jack, 26, Toronto, Canada

Alex:

People make mistakes and I understand that you could have a change of heart. The issues that you may face are the following: maybe your ex girl friend has moved on, perhaps she has found someone else, it’s possible that her pride won’t let get back with you, or simply that she feels that she won’t be able to trust you anymore.

No matter what the case may be don’t panic; it’s probably still possible for you to get back together if you’re patient, and with the right approach and a solid game plan. Believe it or not you actually hold some sort of advantage over most breakup recoveries because you are actually the one that broke up with her!

You won the power struggle because it was ultimately your decision to end things; meaning that your challenge won’t be to make your ex love you again, but rather to regain her trust. We can help your with that and provide you with concrete actions to undertake to prove to your ex that you can be trusted. But it will take time and you’ll have to realize that she probably will make you suffer a bit before, to get back at you for breaking her heart.

So Jack, (or anyone else who finds themselves in this same position) don’t lament yourself and keep saying “I broke up with my ex girl friend and now I’m full of regrets” No! Own up to your decision and change of heart and start working right away on regaining her trust!

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“Dealing with a break up is soooo hard!”

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Tanya, 32, Providence, RI

Adrian:

Yes, I’ll give you that Tanya; dealing with a break up can be quite complicated especially if you don’t have the support you need to handle the separation. Friends and family have good intentions and they don’t want to see you suffer, but often they can be of little help because they are too close to you and don’t have the objectivity to give you sound advice; they are just too emotionally involved in the whole ordeal to be able to give unbiased opinions!

But there are actions that you can undertake to make the breakup easier to live with! You need to force yourself to stay active and to be as busy as possible in order not to let your imagination run wild. Your fears and insecurities will constantly push you to envision the worse possible outcome or scenario. If you stay passive or don’t do anything to snap out of this negative spiral, you will constantly second guess yourself and think that your man is seeing someone else, etc.

Stay busy, fill your calendar with different activities and have zero down time. Finally make sure you exercise a ton to release all the negative energy and tension that you’re holding inside. By tiring yourself out, by going for a long jog or to the gym, you will be able to start to feel better and to clear you head.She broke up with me for someone else and it hurts a lot!

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“She broke up with me for someone else and it hurts a lot!”

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Luis, 29, Miami, FL

Alex:

When your ex leaves you for someone else it can be pretty devastating and you can feel powerless; that and your ego take’s a hit too! I understand how you feel because I have provided private consultations to over 3,000 individuals who faced a similar dilemma.

Make sure that you just don’t just sit there and curse your luck by saying she broke up with me for someone else, why me, why me! Luis it’s probably still possible to get back with your ex, if you prove to her that she has made a huge mistake. You won’t be able to do this through words or by letting your emotions get the best of you. You will need to regain some self-esteem and to go back to being that man she fell for in the first place!

Make sure that you focus on you and your own personal growth, but that you try to stay in touch with her if you can. A communication platform is essential to win back an ex and to showcase your change and growth. One last bit of advice; don’t ever bring up the other guy that she is now seeing. The more you ask or try to investigate and the more you will push her right back into his arms! That and you will only be hurting yourself by finding out what they’ve been up too or how she feels about him.

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“Why did he break up with me? …We were happy together and I thought he was the one”

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Claire, 31, London, UK

Adrian:

Breakups very often a surprise to the person being broken up with! Claire if you say these words you were clearly disconnected from your relationships or from the way that your ex felt about you. Did you take the time to listen to his complaints? Did you really not see that he was unhappy?

Your relationship probably fell apart for one of two reasons; either you were too needy and your ex needed more space; or you were too disconnected from your relationship and failed to meet his needs. Either way it’s probably one of these two extremes that pushed him to end the relationship and the reason why you’re asking yourself “why did he break up me?” today.

Claire, if you think that he’s THE one you shouldn’t just let him go without a fight. Just make sure that you approach it the right way; and that you don’t put him on a pedestal. You need to once again become a challenge for him and to prove to him that you can be happy together in the long run. It will be my pleasure to help you put the right actions into place and to provide you with the support you need every step of the way to make sure that you maximize your chances of getting back with your significant other!

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“Is coping with a break up even possible?”

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Sophie, 40, Melbourne, Australia

Alex:

Yes Sophie, you will find a way to get over this break up one way or the other; and we’re here to help make this process as quick and as seamless as possible. Whether you’re trying to move on or to get back together! We have developed a very strong expertise that will enable us to put you in the best possible conditions to reach your goals.

Coping with a breakup is hard if you don’t know where you’re going or if you don’t have any support. We can show you the way and provide you with tools to make you feel better every step of the way. Once you have a game plan and a clear understanding of where you stand, you will no longer be intimidated by the breakup, or by the daunting task of trying to reclaim the man you love.

Also understand that you are not alone. We are here to help and we are ready to invest ourselves fully into your life; to be there when you’ll need us and in times when you’ll feel low. Being able to have someone that you can talk too honestly and share your fears and insecurities with without the fear of being judged can be invaluable after a breakup. We’ll be your sounding board!

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“Why did she leave me after all that we’ve been through?”

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Dillon, 52, Tampa, FL

Adrian:

Going through a breakup can be pretty traumatic and even devastating. I understand your pain and that’s why I have devoted my life to helping people bridge their differences in order to find happiness in love. Sometimes a breakup is inevitable based on the dynamics of your relationship. It is up to you to understand what went wrong in order to put yourself in position to convince your ex wife to give you another chance!

Instead of asking yourself why did she leave me start to seek the answers to deeper questions. Analyze your ex wife’s fears, insecurities and dreams. Where did you fall short or not meet her expectations? What could you have done differently to make sure she didn’t lose faith in your ability to make her happy?

No matter what the case maybe it’s still possible to get her back; even if divorce papers have already been signed! I’ve seen it happen before, even years after a separation! Your spouse can wake up one day acknowledge all of the efforts that you have made to make things right; while also realizing that you were not the main cause of their unhappiness and sorrow, and that other factors outside of your control played a part in tearing you guys apart.

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“Why did he leave me after he decided that we should buy a house together?”

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Cory, 36, Detroit, Michigan

Alex:

Some men are afraid of commitment or don’t like to feel tied up. This can cause people to change their mind or go back on a previous commitment at the last possible moment. Of course it can be terrible for you, if you’re the one being left behind trying to pick up the pieces.

If you were unfortunately left hanging like this you also have to look within and really ask yourself if you are willing to overlook this disappointment to get back with your ex? He also broke your trust and do you feel like you could ever love him again or are you simply scared of being alone and thus going back to the person that you have strong feelings for; even though he is the one that probably caused all that anxiety to begin with.

I will never deter you from a goal that you have set out to achieve as long as it’s not detrimental to your health and overall well-being. No matter if your feelings were hurt if your goal is to get back with him, I will do my utmost to help you get there; but I will always tell you the truth or how I see a given situation. If I think that he will hurt you again Cory, I won’t have a problem letting you know!

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“I need relationship break up advice bad”

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Christian, 31, Orange County, California

Adrian:

That’s why we’re here and it’s a good thing you reached out. We have a wealth of experience and knowledge that will enable us to help you no matter what issue you are facing with your ex; no matter what your current circumstances are like, or how bleak your outlook currently may look.

Christian, I love and am passionate about what I do and about putting a smile back on the faces of the people who reach out to me; like you! First you’ll need to provide me with as much detail as possible about what you’re going through and tell me all about your relationship with your ex from the moment you met up until today.

The more information you provide me with and the better equipped I’ll be to give you the best possible advice; and exactly what you need to do to make the men you love miss you and want to be with you again. You can be open and honest with me as I’m not here to judge you but rather here to listen and to help you meet your goals. If you are truly looking for relationship break up advice, than you’ve come to the right place!

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“A relationship break up is inevitable isn’t it?”

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Martin, 34, NYC, NY

Alex:

I’m going to need you to snap out of this negative mindset that you are currently in and to regain a bit more optimism. You won’t be able to get back with the woman you love if you don’t think that it’s possible for you to win her back or to keep her around. Martin how can you really expect to convince her that your love story can work out if you are already defeated!

Part of our work is also to help you regain some confidence in yourself and in your ability to make your ex happy. Look, at one point in your relationship you were able to seduce her and inspire her to be with you. It’s up to us to figure out where things went wrong and to fix those issues in order to prove to her that you can make her happy!

A relationship break up means a need for space and the necessity to reinvent your relationship in order for it to survive. If you keep doing the same things, if you stay in the same mindset that you’ve been in, obviously things are bound to fail. But if you listen to our advice and apply it the right way; we strongly strongly believe that you’ll be in position to get back with the one you love; but also that you’ll stay happy together for a very long time.

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Keep the faith, stay positive and prove to the one you love that you are a changed person and that you can make them happy. Do so through concrete actions and stay steady! Over time your ex will be forced to recognize that you have changed and you can once again become a challenge and be appealing to them!

Remember that we are here to help! Whether you’re looking for a specific advice about a given situation; or if you need our help to come up with a game plan; or if you simply want to understand where things went wrong in order not to make the same mistakes with the one you love or with someone else; reach out to us and let our relationship experts show you the way!

Good luck in your quest to get back with the one you love!

Sincerely,

Adrian & Alex

Relationships experts from the Love Coach Team at WithMyExAgain.com