Should you remain faithful to an ex while trying to get back together?

remain faithful to an exMost of the people that I coach on a daily basis often ask me, “Do I have to be faithful to my ex while trying to convince them to come back,” or “Am I allowed to go out with other people during this time?” At first the answer seems simple: Of course you can because you’re not in a relationship at the moment. But in truth you’re going to have to cool it with these arguments if you’re serious about wanting to get back together with your ex.

Even though the breakup really happened, many of you feel that your relationship isn’t actually over and that doing something with another person would be considered infidelity. But is not remaining faithful to an ex while on trying to get back together really betrayal? Find out the answer in this article.

To remain faithful to an ex: What good does it do?

As mentioned, remaining faithful to your ex after you’ve broken up seems a little odd because you’re not obligated to act the way you did before. By that I mean the way you acted when you were together. Why would it be infidelity if you kissed or slept with with someone else?

In a relationship, I’d condemn this type of behavior even if it can be explained by different factors, but why not do these things while you’re single?

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes, try to think like them. This person has recently decided to break up with you; does it make sense to remain faithful to an ex? Do you think that if your ex had the chance to meet someone else that they would hold back? Moreover, by thinking this way you might be preventing yourself from meeting someone that would make you even happier. Maybe you could have a much more fulfilling relationship than your last one, even if your heart is yearning for you ex at the moment.

These questions flood your mind and it’s hard to find the right answers. During my coaching sessions, I place a fair amount of importance on these questions because they are what will shape your plan of action as you try to get back together with your ex. And who’s to say that your mindset won’t change while you’re carrying out your actions. In truth, knowing if you should remain faithful to your ex is a question of your own moral compass; you’re the only one that knows if it’s right or wrong for you.

Staying attached to your ex is completely normal

For a man or a woman who is not experiencing heartache or not planning on trying to get back together with their ex, being unfaithful to an ex isn’t an issue because the relationship has already been mourned the moment the breakup occurs.

However, if you’re still experiencing strong feelings for your ex or share moments together; remaining intimate with someone else could be painful or even impossible to do. At best it could leave you feeling uneasy. You are probably used to a certain life with your ex and you don’t want this to change. This makes sense since you want to get back together as soon as possible.

So it’s not about remaining faithful to an ex, it’s about remaining faithful to your feelings for them. You can’t imagine being wit someone else while your ex is still in your heart; you’re concentrating on getting back together and not on moving on. If you really want to be in the best state of mind and succeed in getting back together with the person you love most; then you most probably should not be paying attention to others.

One of the reasons behind why people remain faithful to their ex is because they’re afraid of getting caught. Of course, it could also create a feeling of jealousy that could eventually bring them back to you; but if you’re more of a pessimist you could also argue that this could back fire big time. Your ex could move on because you would lose credibility in their eyes when you try to communicate about how you feel.

Wanting something new

On the contrary, if you do not want to get back together with the person you were sharing your life with, not remaining faithful to your ex could be a solution to help you suffer less.

Sometimes, finding a new partner can allow you to start a new love story and quickly forget about your ex. Starting something new is sometimes the best solution when your feelings are strong and you’re experiencing emotional dependency.

It’s important to not rush anything and to avoid a new relationship that turns into a mess. Many people consider their new relationship as identical to their last one, and transpose certain behaviors that end up causing problems in their new relationship.

Your coach to figure out if you should remain faithful to your ex when trying to get back together.

Sincerely,

Adrian

  • Heather

    Thank you so much for writing this article. My love and I have broken up 3 times (mostly to him being scared–it’s a long story) and every time he dumped me, I went right out and found someone new. I felt it was my right to. He didn’t want me, I’d find someone who did! It wasn’t until I dumped him and he went out and got a new girlfriend that I realized how childish my behavior had been. It was very much a “you kick sand in my face, I’ll kick it in yours” mentality. Now I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. I am choosing to remain faithful to him and my feelings this time. It’s not even about wanting to get back with him. It’s me acknowledging that I was also afraid of my feelings so I’d push him away to prove to myself that he didn’t love me. Maybe someday in the future when we’re more emotionally mature we can try again. But your article gave me confidence that I’m not crazy for being faithful to him even though he’s not being faithful to me (I believe he’s gotten a girlfriend to try and forget me and that’s okay, I understand) because I’m not really being faithful to him, I’m being faithful to my feelings for him.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Heather,
      Thank you so much for your note, and happy to know that this article was helpful and that it gave you the confidence to keep fighting on! It’s OK to remain faithful to an ex while trying to get back together as long as you are at peace with your decision! I agree that he probably looked to get back into a relationship as quickly as possible to try to move on; but rebound type relationships seldom work and I do think that he will end up coming back to you! Most men do… In the mean time, I encourage you to work on yourself and to go through a period of personal development in order to ensure that you will be ready when he comes back around; and so that you won’t keep making the same mistakes over and over again!
      All the very best,
      Adrian

  • Daniel Mondragon

    Hello Adrian
    I would like to speak to you over the phone about my situation. Is there a way to contact you by phone. Or anyone who has your experience? I’m desperate and hurting. Please contact me ASAP please? thank you

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Daniel,
      Thanks for touching base via email, I look forward to coaching you by phone to help you turn it all around!
      Best,
      Adrian

      • Daniel Mondragon

        Hi Adrian….
        12 years together and engaged.
        1 yr separated, and now 6 months no contact. She is very hurt and trying to erase me from her life. I’m so broken by this. I love her with everything I am.
        I would do anything to have my best friend back. Is there hope? If not help me move on please? Also she is now seeing someone else and sleeping with them.

      • Daniel Mondragon

        Hi Adrian
        I wanted to tell you a little bit before having a talk by phone if you don’t mind?
        Well I lived with my ex fiance for 10 out of 12 years together. Separated for 1 yr. But 6 months of no contact. She is seeing someone else now from her work at Red lobster. She said he is her significant other. And she is now spending the night at his home. Adrian she has blocked me from all contact. She has went out of her way to get a restraining order on me. She’s wants me out of her life for good. She still has my ring that I proposed with , next to her T.V. Which her sister has told me. As well as pictures of me on her social media still. I’m very confused and want my fiance back. I have excepted the break up now. Because of how bad and far she has taken this. But in my heart I’m still willing to be the man she prayed for 12 years to be. I’m not who I was. I continue to focus on my well being. But I’m losing all hope in getting back the woman I love with all I am. This has been such a hard time for me. And as I watch her fade away. I can’t help this turn around for our good and our love. I know deep down she is hurting. I don’t want her to hurt anymore. I want to be that man I was always meant to be for her. But she has given up on me. I have read alot of your success stories. Even the tuff ones. I’m willing to take as long as it will take to get my true love back in my arms. But there’s not much I can do. Can you help this situation? Or is it just to much for you? I need your help please?
        Well please let me know if this can still be saved? Thank you for your time.