You know, it’s not uncommon for exes to run into each other after they’ve broken up. You could live in the same town, have the same friends, go to the same places… Perhaps you even work together! So what do you do when you run into your ex, especially when you still have feelings for them? If you’re working on getting back together, is there anything you can do in these situations that could help you reach your goal? Are there any things that you should avoid doing at all costs?
Well, the answer to these questions is yes. There are do’s and don’ts when it comes to running into an ex you still love, especially if you still want to be with them. As of now, you know that it’s inevitable that you’re going to run into this person at one point or another, and you’re probably wondering how you’re going to be able to handle it and how you should behave. Chances are that emotions are still running high and you are still hurting, so you’re probably worried that it’s going to be very hard for you…
I’ve written this article for you today so that we can make you feel more prepared for this encounter with your ex and make sure that you feel in control of the situation. There is no need for you to worry or feel stressed out about it. In fact, you can use this situation to your advantage and get closer to your goal. I am going to go over how you can present yourself in the best light possible, and make your ex remember why he or she fell for you in the first place. I’ll let you in on a little secret – this is actually a lot easier than you might think!
How to handle running into an ex you still love
First of all, don’t freak out. You’re probably worried that you’re going to cry or panic, or make a fool of yourself somehow, but you don’t need to do any of those things.
Whether this happens by chance, or you know that you’re to see your ex somewhere, the most important thing is that you remain calm. You cannot allow yourself to break down, and you cannot start talking about how hard all of this has been on you.
Sometimes I have clients that really want to make sure that their ex knows how much they hurt them, and how much they’ve been suffering because of this breakup. They want to post Facebook statuses about it, post pictures on Instagram with cryptic posts about sadness and betrayal but believe you me, this is not going to work in your favor.
The same goes for when you run into an ex and see him or her face to face. If you can be casual, it’s going to be fine.
If you run into your ex unexpectedly one day all you need to do is take a beat, take a few deep breaths, and smile. If you can pull this off and keep your cool, you can set the precedent for how things are going to be from now on.
Even if your ex has a bad taste left in their mouth as a result of your breakup, running into him or her and making a good impression can create a big shift in the way they see the situation.
You know, your ex might be expecting you to behave in a certain way and if you can give them a pleasant surprise, you’re going to be on the right track.
The importance of not panicking when running into an ex
I know that bumping into your ex can really catch you off guard, but I do need to stress the importance of not panicking. When you panic you could end up being unnecessarily cold or harsh, you could embarrass yourself, you could start to cry, or worse still, you could make a scene.
The problem of course is that panic showcases instability, and that is not a characteristic that your ex wants to get close to, and that is not something that your ex is going to find attractive. It just shows your ex how much power they have over how you feel and who you are.
If you can show your ex that you’re feeling good, it’s going to make them doubt whether or not they have an impact on you and this is going to make you more attractive. Human beings are intrinsically attracted to what they “can’t have,” and if you show your ex that they have power over you, you will not be seen as an attractive challenge.
Think about it this way – if you’re able to lower their ego, you’ll be able to make them lower their guard, and this is exactly what grabs a person’s attention. Your ex will then be intrigued and will want to know more about you and what you’ve been up to.
If on the other hand you just freak out and make it clear that this person has a serious effect on you, you can be sure that your ex is going to take is as an ego boost and just think that you’re still wrapped around his or her little finger. This does not give them any reason to need to go out of their way to get closer to you. This doesn’t make them want to talk to you more and find out about your life.
Remember, when you run into your ex in public or even at work, you want to be an attractive challenge. Use the element of surprise to your advantage! Your ex probably expects you to be down in the dumps, feeling miserable. So catch them off guard and show them that you’re doing really well, you’re comfortable in your own skin, and that you’ve got lots of things going on for you!
Running into your ex when you want them back…
When you run into your ex, don’t stick around forever to chat. You want him or her to see that you’re busy. In any case, if you’re out of your house, you’re doing something! You’ve got your daily set of tasks that you’re working on finishing, you aren’t sitting around feeling sorry for yourself at home, so keep your first run in short and sweet.
Smile and be confident, and then exit the conversation because you’ve got your own thing going on. You will show your ex that you’re fine, and that you aren’t pining for their attention. And trust me, exes don’t really like it when they realize that their ex no longer pines for their attention. Again, this is human nature. We don’t like it when something is no longer readily available to us.
Just think about how it is when a child is given a new toy race car. He can be very excited about the new race car, but the moment you tell him that another one of his favorite race cars, though it may be a bit older, has suddenly been confiscated, do you think he’s going to like it? No, he’s going to be upset and immediately want it back.
So, if you run into your ex, don’t abandon the task at hand! I often see situations in which a person is at a party with a group of friends, and then they forget about these people as soon as their ex walks in, and somehow spend the rest of the night trying to get their ex’s attention. This only hands all the power over to your ex, so don’t do it!
If you do this when you’re running into an ex that dumped you, you’re handing over all of the power and you’re showing them that they can call the shots.
Just continue with what you’re doing when this happens. Be friendly and say hello, but then excuse yourself and carry on. Not only is this going to help you reset and give you the confidence that you need, it’s also going to let your ex know that they can’t shake you.
This is the absolute best way to grab your ex’s attention and make them doubt their decision to pull the plug on this relationship. This is how you get them to think about you and to miss you. If they see that you’re nervous and want to talk to them so badly, they’re going to understand that you’re still at their beck and call, and that they can get you back if they ever feel like it.
And then what’s the result? That sense of urgency, intrigue, and curiosity disappears into thin air, and they’re not going to do anything to try and get closer to you.
If you feel like you’re going to panic, count to five, maybe go in the restroom to regroup, and continue on. If you honestly feel that you cannot handle speaking to this person right now, it’s ok if you finish your drink at the bar and go home, or talk to someone else on your way to the fax machine at the office, or even pretend to be on your phone. It’s important to protect yourself, but just make sure that your ex does not think that they have power over you.
You’re fine, you’re busy, you’re happy, and you’re living life!
As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to reach out. We can help in one on one coaching sessions, or you can leave your question in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you’re wondering what to do when running into an ex you still love