I received an email from a woman not too long ago that inspired me to write this article for you today. About a year ago she and her ex boyfriend broke up and she reached out me because the heartache did not seem to subside. She wanted to ask me about how to stop crying after a breakup because she had made some mistakes while trying to get her ex back, and she couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Because this is such a common situation for people, I wanted to write about what to do when you can’t seem to stop the tears from flowing. It’s hard to move on from a break up, but as a love and relationship coach I can provide you with tools that you can start using today.
Why can’t I stop crying after a breakup?
Heartbreak is one of the most painful things a person can experience throughout their lifetime. The pain felt after losing the person you love is comparable too what it feels like to mourn the loss of someone. It is in essence the death of your hopes and dreams for the future with this person, and the pain of loss does not disappear overnight.
A lot of the time people reach out to us at the very last moment, when they’re at the end of their rope. They’ve tried everything they could think of to heal or to get their ex back, and none of it seemed to have worked. So it’s not uncommon for us to work with people who ask why their heartache is so great and why they can’t seem to get rid of it.
Our goal is to give you tools to navigate through these challenging waters so that you can heal and bounce back from this breakup – whether or not you want to get back together with your ex. The woman I mentioned in the introduction to this article had done just that. She waited an entire year before she got in touch with me for help.
She asked, “How is it possible that I am still crying over my ex-boyfriend after all this time?”
This woman had everything going for her. She was talented, intelligent, beautiful, charming and cultured, but the way she saw herself was distorted as a result of this volatile relationship. The man that she was with kept breaking up and getting back together with her because he felt dissatisfied with his own life. He was in complete control of the relationship and had her on a wild roller coaster ride. When the relationship finally ended “for good,” she was left feeling lost, exhausted and hurt.
Though she knew about the relationship was not as fulfilling as it should’ve been, she didn’t understand why she was still crying over him.
Once I talked with her about the relationship and the breakup, I was able to see that the reason behind why she was still crying over him was that she was emotionally dependent on him. She lost her sense of identity in the relationship and had found purpose solely through their relationship… so when it ended, the pain seemed bottomless.
This is a very common theme in cases in which a person can’t seem to figure out how to stop crying after a breakup when a long time has past. So what is the solution?
Still crying after a breakup: Here’s what to do
As I spoke to this woman, I began asking her about her aspirations, her goals, and what she wanted for her future. Every time I asked a question, she would bring up what she and her ex had planned. She kept telling me about things that they liked to do together, what their common goals were, and it became clear very quickly that she had lost track of her own passions and goals.
This is where the solutions come into play.
Crying everyday after a breakup: How to start feeling better!
The key is going to be to get back to what makes you special. Think about what makes you unique and how you can get back in touch with yourself. This can feel very challenging, especially when you’re suffering from a broken heart… but it is the key to bouncing back.
Your head is probably swimming with questions like, “Is it’s normal to cry every day” or even thoughts like, “Did my ex boyfriend cry over me or am I the only one feeling like this?” It’s especially tough when your friends are telling you that no boy is worth crying over…
So here’s what I want you to start doing today. Now is the time to start thinking about everything in your life that used to bring you joy that got put on the back burner when you settled into this relationship.
The thing about relationships is that it is not uncommon for them to make you lose track of your personal life. When a relationship begins to take center stage in our lives, we often focus all of our energy on our significant other and we forget about all the things that make us happy.
So what are some passions and hobbies that you stopped making time for? What friends and family members that used to make you happy have you not seen in a long time? Challenge yourself to become very busy with things that bring you joy.
The more time you spend alone, ruminating in your thoughts, the easier it is for negative thoughts to surge up and make you start crying over him again.
How to stop crying after a breakup: The importance of freshness
Another thing that I often recommend to clients is switching up their surroundings. We are visual creatures and if there are things around you constantly remind you of your ex, it will be very easy to trigger sad thoughts.
So if you haven’t already, I suggest you start with where you live and box up anything that reminds you of your ex. You don’t necessarily have to throw it away if you want to, but get it out of sight. Next up, I recommend reorganizing the furniture in your living space. Think about how you can make things start to feel fresh.
This can be extremely helpful, especially when you’re working on how to stop crying over a break up. The fresher your environment feels, the lighter you will feel.
This concept should be carried over into your personal life as well. Now is the ideal time to start trying out new things on your own and with your friends. What kind of new places have opened up in your town?
What kind of new activities would you like to try out? How can you get more physically active? Think about classes you’d like to take, a language you might be interested in learning, and new goals you can set for yourself.
Reestablishing a relationship with yourself is the key to stop crying
As I told my client, the solution to this problem is not getting back together with an ex or forcing yourself to move on – it’s all about reestablishing a relationship with yourself and all the things that you really like to do in your life.
Regardless of whether it’s been a few weeks, a few months, or a few years since your break up and you’re still crying over your ex and you don’t feel like doing anything, it’s very likely that you’re in a position of emotional dependency.
So it’s important to get back to the basics and lay out a new foundation. Ask yourself these four things:
1. What are your goals and aspirations in life?
2. What are you passionate about?
3. What are your hobbies?
4. Who are the people that you are grateful for?
All of these things are what make you who you are, and now it’s time to force yourself to look forward and incorporate actions in a daily basis that are rooted in these four elements. This will help you shift your focus from the relationship back to yourself, and it will enable you to snap out of being in a position of emotional dependency.
It will allow you to shed the weight of this painful breakup and start to build a new platform for happiness in your life.
If you have any questions at all, I encourage you to leave them in the comments section below. As always, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or member of my team by clicking here for one on one guidance.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for how to stop crying after breakup