When you’ve broken up and you want to be with your ex again, the biggest thing that’s on your mind is how to go about getting them back. You’ve understood that it’s a daunting task and that it must be handled with care, so I applaud you for doing some research before diving in head first! Too many people make the mistake of acting before thinking, and their attempts at getting back together end up failing miserably… But you’re in luck because you’re about to become an expert when it comes to knowing what to say to your ex, and it’s going to propel you towards your goal of being happily together again!
When you want to be with your ex partner again, you will have to be very careful with the conversations you have together. I have to be honest with you; there is not one simple thing that you can say to your ex to make them want you back. For more detail on how to get back in touch, read this right away!
There is too much history, too much emotion, and too many factors that exist between you. One thing couldn’t possible encompass all the things that your ex needs and wants to hear from you, but don’t worry… In this article I am going to share with you the entire range of things that you need to communicate to your ex, and how exactly to do it!
How do you present things to tell your ex?
Before you can can get an answer to the question how to make my ex want me back you need to figure out what your goal truly is.
Sometimes we want so badly to just speak to an ex, but we don’t even take the time to get to the root of this feeling. It’s important to understand why you want to know why you want to talk to your ex again because it will enable you design a proper plan of action, and it will help you determine if talking to them is going to help you!
When you’re thinking about what to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, take a moment and think about how you’re feeling currently.
I coached a young man named Jacob a few weeks ago, he was madly in love with his fiance and was devasted after she told him that their long distance relationship wasn’t working any more. They had been engaged for over a year, but her job forced to travel the world and to be gone for extended periods of time. When he first reached out to me, Jacob was only concerned with our communication strategy…or what he could say to the woman he loves to immediately win her back.
I had to prove to Jacob that it wasn’t in his best interest to talk to her at the moment; emotions were still way to raw and he wasn’t in the right mindset to turn things around. He would only push her away if he tried….we first had to go through a true process of personal transformation and give her time to miss him.
I bring up Jacob to shighlight that there are some situations in which it is not beneficial to talk to your ex immediately. If you’re furious with them over something that happened (the reason behind the breakup, or because of the breakup itself), it would be wise to take some time to cool down before getting in touch with your ex.
Why? Because if you want to get your ex back, it’s important to be able to have calm, collected conversations. When we are upset, things often don’t come out the way we intended and the situation ends up becoming even messier than it was before.
By the way, if you’re looking for mean things to say to your ex or how to have revenge, this isn’t the article for you! We are going to focus on the things you can say to your ex that will help bring you two closer again and in turn help you to get them back.
There are certain steps to follow when you want your ex back, and each step will involve subjects to keep in mind. At the end of this article, I’ll also share some “Don’ts” with you as well, so that you’ll be fully prepared for the task ahead!
So, if your goal is to get back together with your ex, you’ll have to start by being very neutral in your conversations, and over time you can progressively become more romantic. The key here is taking it slow!
That means that when you begin to present things to tell your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you don’t start with the big, “I miss you and I want you back” spiel! You have to build up to it because if not, you’ll put too much pressure on your ex and drive them away!
What should I say to my ex boyfriend to get him back?
Though the tools I present in this article are generally applicable to any situation, it’s important to note that there are some fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to what they need in terms of communication. Both sexes have evolved differently and there are some important things to keep in mind if your ex is a man, and if your ex is a woman.
When you want to know what to say to your ex boyfriend to get him back, I need you to keep this one crucial thing in mind at all times:
Men are visual creatures and respond best to tangible actions and changes. I mean they need to see improvement and change. Verbal communication is very important as well, but it must be coupled with visible changes. If you put all your focus on verbal communication of the changes you’ve made, you won’t be advancing as fast as you could, and time is always of the essence in these situations.
I’ve actually created an audio seminar on this topic, specifically geared for women looking to get back with a man they love and lost!
What do I say to my ex girlfriend to make her come back?
As I’m sure you’ve just understood, women respond better to clear communication. You must express to her that you’ve understood what went wrong and you’ve come up with solutions and improvements. Of course she needs to see physical, tangible change as well, but if it isn’t combined with proper communication, your endeavor will not advance as quickly as it could.
It also extremely important that you make your ex girlfriend understand that she is being heard. A helpful tool for doing this is by doing something called “mirroring,” where you basically repeat what you’ve just heard by saying something along the lines of, “So what you’re saying is that …” It shows that you’re receptive to the information she’s sharing and that you’re present in the conversation.
When is the right time for things to say to your ex?
When is the right time then to start talking to your ex, and what should you say?!
If you’re familiar with our philosophy then you know how important the no contact period is. If you’re unfamiliar with this concept, it’s basically a period between 1 and 3 months during which you have ZERO contact with your ex. That means no texting, no calling, no emailing, no FB messages, no Instagram likes, no “accidentally” bumping into them somewhere, no nothing! There are two goals here.
1. You focus on yourself, you improve your life and you become an even better version of yourself. You focus on your goals, you pick up old hobbies that brought you joy, and you make your life fulfilling and exciting. This enables you to heal, to grow, and to reach new heights. The silver lining behind the pain of a breakup is that they push you to become better and stronger!
2. The second goal is making your ex fear losing you for good. Once they are reminded of the amazing person they fell in love with, and realize that you’ve become and even better version of that person, they’ll start to regret the separation!
After the no contact period is up, it’s time to start thinking about the best ways to get back in touch and exactly what to say to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you’re on good terms with your ex or you didn’t need to use the no contact period, your approach will have to be a little bit different, but not by much. Let’s take a look.
Things to say to your ex to get them back: The first step
The first time you get back in touch is the most daunting, most notably if you’ve been out of touch for a while. If you’re on good terms with your ex, then it’s not so scary, but it is important to pay attention to what you say and when you say it. You can send something funny like a video, a story, or a picture, or something interesting you read.
You could even share a memory you have together, but don’t make it sound romantic. All you have to say is something along the lines of, “ I was just thinking about that time we went to Joshua Tree. Do you remember how cold we got when the sun went down and we had to wrap ourselves in the beach towels you had in the trunk?”
If you were using the no contact rule and you’re ready to get back in touch, the easiest and least threatening way to do so is via text message.
The trick when coming up with good things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend via text message is finding something that’s impossible not to respond to. Here you’ll have to use what you know about your ex and use it to catch their attention.
If your ex is a huge fan of a certain band, you can send a text saying, “Guess what I just found out!” Once you have they interest, you can tell them you just found out that they’ll be playing in your city in a few months. If something happened that they’d find funny, you can begin a text conversation with “You’ll never guess what just happened!”
The trick is to use a hook. If you open the conversation with “X band is playing here in November,” your ex could look at your message and go, “Ok, cool.” Add a little more excitement.
Texts should always contain nice things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, but for now, lay off the romantic stuff. It needs to stay neutral so that you can put your ex at ease. Make them feel good and make them laugh. Talking about the heavy stuff shouldn’t be done via text messages, and it shouldn’t happen so soon.
Smart things to say to your ex to get them back: Step 2
You can then transition to calling them – make sure you’ve prepared plenty of interesting things to talk about. No akward silences and don’t suggest meeting up during the first phone call!
Once you’ve gotten to a point where you feel comfortable texting, it makes sense to take it to the next level and reach out to them. A lot of people jump the gun here and go straight from texting to seeing each other face to face. We tend to forget that there’s a certain intimacy in a phone call, and it can make the transition feel much more natural. The result is your ex feeling considerably more relaxed around you, and this is exactly what we want.
Sometimes transitioning to the phone call can be a little bit scary, but don’t worry. There are so many nice things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend that allow you to seamlessly transition from text to phone conversation. For example, you could start telling your ex a story, and right when it gets really interesting, tell them that it would be easier on the phone. “Can I call you?”
At this point they’ll already be interested in your story, so it’s not going to be as awkward as you might fear. The important thing here is to be prepared to fight the awkward silences. It’s not unusual for them to appear, especially if it’s your first conversation on the phone in a long time, but you should have something planned.
For example, some of the best things to say to your ex when you feel a lull approaching in the conversation is something funny that happened to you, something that reminded you of them, something that you experienced recently… Or you can engage in more personal (but lighthearted!) conversation and ask your ask about their work, their projects, tell a story about one of your mutual friends… etc.
At this point, it’s important to avoid telling your ex you miss them simply because it’s still too early. Time is needed in order for your ex to begin to feel comfortable around you. You want to remind them of how easily you two can talk and enjoy each other’s conversation. It inevitably plants a seed in their mind and makes them begin to think about how it would be to be with you again, but you have to let that form naturally as well. Rushing things in such delicate situations is a big No-No!
Words to say to get your ex back: Step 3
When you’re ready to see your ex in person, make sure you alleviate any pressure or tension. One of the easiest ways to do this is to invite them to a group setting. If you invite them to an opening at an art gallery, or some kind of event where you won’t be alone. By the way, whatever you do, DON’T call it a date! That is a surefire way to make your ex put their guard up, even if you say it lightheartedly.
When you’re hanging out, don’t make any moves. Focus on having fun and reminding your ex of how good they feel when they’re around you. There are lots of sweet things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend without being romantic. You can compliment them on a change they’ve made, and you can direct the conversation towards happy memories and exciting things that can happen in the future. Be present, make them feel special, ask them questions and show genuine interest in what they’re talking about.
Gradually you can ease into a one on one setting and you can focus on what to say to an ex boyfriend you want back. At first suggest another public setting like a coffee shop. You’re alone together, but it’s not as intimate as it would be if you were sitting on your couch together. Again, this alleviates pressure. Then, make sure you’re a good storyteller. You want to keep their interest.
After hanging out a few times, you can start to reminisce about sweet memories you’ve shared. By the way, it’s important to gage their responsiveness…
If your ex is smiling at you and actively participating in the conversation, you can start talking about important things you’ve come to understand. Little by little, you can start to show your ex that you regret what happened between you. You can begin to do this subtly by saying something like, “I remember that time you were trying to explain to me what you were feeling. I should have been more patient and I should’ve listened. I’m sorry about that.” You bring their attention to the fact that you’ve been thinking about what went wrong and you’ve understood how you could have acted differently.
Once you’ve created a comfortable atmosphere, you can bring up getting back together. It’s incredibly important to properly gauge their reaction when you’re planning what to say to your ex! Like I said, if you sense resistance, then it’s not time to bring up getting back together yet.
AVOID these things to say to your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend!
As I’m sure you’ve come to understand, there are a lot of things to not say to your ex when you want them back, and it all depends on timing.
If you’re angry about the situation but you want to get back together in the future, there’s no sense in coming up with mean things to say to your ex girlfriend or boyfriend, even if they’ve hurt you. You don’t want to get back in touch on a negative note. Rather, allow time to heal those wounds. You’ll have the opportunity in the future to tell your ex what you feel, but it’s always best to do it in a calm and collected way. Otherwise they’ll put up their defenses and you won’t get anywhere!
When thinking about what to tell your ex to get him back, it’s crucial that you don’t start talking about the breakup and the relationship too early on. Your main goal right now is to foster a genuine friendship.
The scary thing is the fear of not falling into the dreaded friend-zone. It can seem like a delicate endeavor at first, but don’t worry it’s a lot harder than you realize to be just friends with an ex…and we are always here to help! You can leave a question at the bottom of this article or get in touch with us directly via our coaching page!
I also want to mention that nothing good comes from blowing up your ex’s phone. You need to let them breathe and take things slowly.
The moment they start feeling pressure from you, they’ll pull away! Remember, easy does it and less is more!
Keep fighting the good fight!
Your relationship expert for knowing what to say to your ex,