When you’ve broken up and you want to be with your ex again, the biggest thing that’s on your mind is how to go about getting them back. You’ve understood that it’s a daunting task and that it must be handled with care, so I applaud you for doing some research before diving in head first! Too many people make the mistake of acting before thinking, and their attempts at getting back together end up failing miserably… But you’re in luck because you’re about to become an expert when it comes to knowing what to say to your ex, and it’s going to propel you towards your goal of being happily together again!
When you want to be with your ex partner again, you will have to be very careful with the conversations you have together. I have to be honest with you; there is not one simple thing that you can say to your ex to make them want you back. For more detail on how to get back in touch, read this right away!
There is too much history, too much emotion, and too many factors that exist between you. One thing couldn’t possible encompass all the things that your ex needs and wants to hear from you, but don’t worry… In this article I am going to share with you the entire range of things that you need to communicate to your ex, and how exactly to do it!
How do you present things to tell your ex?
Before you can can get an answer to the question how to make my ex want me back you need to figure out what your goal truly is.
Sometimes we want so badly to just speak to an ex, but we don’t even take the time to get to the root of this feeling. It’s important to understand why you want to know why you want to talk to your ex again because it will enable you design a proper plan of action, and it will help you determine if talking to them is going to help you!
When you’re thinking about what to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, take a moment and think about how you’re feeling currently.
I coached a young man named Jacob a few weeks ago, he was madly in love with his fiance and was devasted after she told him that their long distance relationship wasn’t working any more. They had been engaged for over a year, but her job forced to travel the world and to be gone for extended periods of time. When he first reached out to me, Jacob was only concerned with our communication strategy…or what he could say to the woman he loves to immediately win her back.
I had to prove to Jacob that it wasn’t in his best interest to talk to her at the moment; emotions were still way to raw and he wasn’t in the right mindset to turn things around. He would only push her away if he tried….we first had to go through a true process of personal transformation and give her time to miss him.
I bring up Jacob to shighlight that there are some situations in which it is not beneficial to talk to your ex immediately. If you’re furious with them over something that happened (the reason behind the breakup, or because of the breakup itself), it would be wise to take some time to cool down before getting in touch with your ex.
Why? Because if you want to get your ex back, it’s important to be able to have calm, collected conversations. When we are upset, things often don’t come out the way we intended and the situation ends up becoming even messier than it was before.
By the way, if you’re looking for mean things to say to your ex or how to have revenge, this isn’t the article for you! We are going to focus on the things you can say to your ex that will help bring you two closer again and in turn help you to get them back.
There are certain steps to follow when you want your ex back, and each step will involve subjects to keep in mind. At the end of this article, I’ll also share some “Don’ts” with you as well, so that you’ll be fully prepared for the task ahead!
So, if your goal is to get back together with your ex, you’ll have to start by being very neutral in your conversations, and over time you can progressively become more romantic. The key here is taking it slow!
That means that when you begin to present things to tell your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you don’t start with the big, “I miss you and I want you back” spiel! You have to build up to it because if not, you’ll put too much pressure on your ex and drive them away!
What should I say to my ex boyfriend to get him back?
Though the tools I present in this article are generally applicable to any situation, it’s important to note that there are some fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to what they need in terms of communication. Both sexes have evolved differently and there are some important things to keep in mind if your ex is a man, and if your ex is a woman.
When you want to know what to say to your ex boyfriend to get him back, I need you to keep this one crucial thing in mind at all times:
Men are visual creatures and respond best to tangible actions and changes. I mean they need to see improvement and change. Verbal communication is very important as well, but it must be coupled with visible changes. If you put all your focus on verbal communication of the changes you’ve made, you won’t be advancing as fast as you could, and time is always of the essence in these situations.
I’ve actually created an audio seminar on this topic, specifically geared for women looking to get back with a man they love and lost!
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What do I say to my ex girlfriend to make her come back?
As I’m sure you’ve just understood, women respond better to clear communication. You must express to her that you’ve understood what went wrong and you’ve come up with solutions and improvements. Of course she needs to see physical, tangible change as well, but if it isn’t combined with proper communication, your endeavor will not advance as quickly as it could.
It also extremely important that you make your ex girlfriend understand that she is being heard. A helpful tool for doing this is by doing something called “mirroring,” where you basically repeat what you’ve just heard by saying something along the lines of, “So what you’re saying is that …” It shows that you’re receptive to the information she’s sharing and that you’re present in the conversation.
When is the right time for things to say to your ex?
When is the right time then to start talking to your ex, and what should you say?!
If you’re familiar with our philosophy then you know how important the no contact period is. If you’re unfamiliar with this concept, it’s basically a period between 1 and 3 months during which you have ZERO contact with your ex. That means no texting, no calling, no emailing, no FB messages, no Instagram likes, no “accidentally” bumping into them somewhere, no nothing! There are two goals here.
1. You focus on yourself, you improve your life and you become an even better version of yourself. You focus on your goals, you pick up old hobbies that brought you joy, and you make your life fulfilling and exciting. This enables you to heal, to grow, and to reach new heights. The silver lining behind the pain of a breakup is that they push you to become better and stronger!
2. The second goal is making your ex fear losing you for good. Once they are reminded of the amazing person they fell in love with, and realize that you’ve become and even better version of that person, they’ll start to regret the separation!
After the no contact period is up, it’s time to start thinking about the best ways to get back in touch and exactly what to say to an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
If you’re on good terms with your ex or you didn’t need to use the no contact period, your approach will have to be a little bit different, but not by much. Let’s take a look.
Things to say to your ex to get them back: The first step
The first time you get back in touch is the most daunting, most notably if you’ve been out of touch for a while. If you’re on good terms with your ex, then it’s not so scary, but it is important to pay attention to what you say and when you say it. You can send something funny like a video, a story, or a picture, or something interesting you read.
You could even share a memory you have together, but don’t make it sound romantic. All you have to say is something along the lines of, “ I was just thinking about that time we went to Joshua Tree. Do you remember how cold we got when the sun went down and we had to wrap ourselves in the beach towels you had in the trunk?”
If you were using the no contact rule and you’re ready to get back in touch, the easiest and least threatening way to do so is via text message.
The trick when coming up with good things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend via text message is finding something that’s impossible not to respond to. Here you’ll have to use what you know about your ex and use it to catch their attention.
If your ex is a huge fan of a certain band, you can send a text saying, “Guess what I just found out!” Once you have they interest, you can tell them you just found out that they’ll be playing in your city in a few months. If something happened that they’d find funny, you can begin a text conversation with “You’ll never guess what just happened!”
The trick is to use a hook. If you open the conversation with “X band is playing here in November,” your ex could look at your message and go, “Ok, cool.” Add a little more excitement.
Texts should always contain nice things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, but for now, lay off the romantic stuff. It needs to stay neutral so that you can put your ex at ease. Make them feel good and make them laugh. Talking about the heavy stuff shouldn’t be done via text messages, and it shouldn’t happen so soon.
Smart things to say to your ex to get them back: Step 2
You can then transition to calling them – make sure you’ve prepared plenty of interesting things to talk about. No akward silences and don’t suggest meeting up during the first phone call!
Once you’ve gotten to a point where you feel comfortable texting, it makes sense to take it to the next level and reach out to them. A lot of people jump the gun here and go straight from texting to seeing each other face to face. We tend to forget that there’s a certain intimacy in a phone call, and it can make the transition feel much more natural. The result is your ex feeling considerably more relaxed around you, and this is exactly what we want.
Sometimes transitioning to the phone call can be a little bit scary, but don’t worry. There are so many nice things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend that allow you to seamlessly transition from text to phone conversation. For example, you could start telling your ex a story, and right when it gets really interesting, tell them that it would be easier on the phone. “Can I call you?”
At this point they’ll already be interested in your story, so it’s not going to be as awkward as you might fear. The important thing here is to be prepared to fight the awkward silences. It’s not unusual for them to appear, especially if it’s your first conversation on the phone in a long time, but you should have something planned.
For example, some of the best things to say to your ex when you feel a lull approaching in the conversation is something funny that happened to you, something that reminded you of them, something that you experienced recently… Or you can engage in more personal (but lighthearted!) conversation and ask your ask about their work, their projects, tell a story about one of your mutual friends… etc.
At this point, it’s important to avoid telling your ex you miss them simply because it’s still too early. Time is needed in order for your ex to begin to feel comfortable around you. You want to remind them of how easily you two can talk and enjoy each other’s conversation. It inevitably plants a seed in their mind and makes them begin to think about how it would be to be with you again, but you have to let that form naturally as well. Rushing things in such delicate situations is a big No-No!
Words to say to get your ex back: Step 3
When you’re ready to see your ex in person, make sure you alleviate any pressure or tension. One of the easiest ways to do this is to invite them to a group setting. If you invite them to an opening at an art gallery, or some kind of event where you won’t be alone. By the way, whatever you do, DON’T call it a date! That is a surefire way to make your ex put their guard up, even if you say it lightheartedly.
When you’re hanging out, don’t make any moves. Focus on having fun and reminding your ex of how good they feel when they’re around you. There are lots of sweet things to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend without being romantic. You can compliment them on a change they’ve made, and you can direct the conversation towards happy memories and exciting things that can happen in the future. Be present, make them feel special, ask them questions and show genuine interest in what they’re talking about.
Gradually you can ease into a one on one setting and you can focus on what to say to an ex boyfriend you want back. At first suggest another public setting like a coffee shop. You’re alone together, but it’s not as intimate as it would be if you were sitting on your couch together. Again, this alleviates pressure. Then, make sure you’re a good storyteller. You want to keep their interest.
After hanging out a few times, you can start to reminisce about sweet memories you’ve shared. By the way, it’s important to gage their responsiveness…
If your ex is smiling at you and actively participating in the conversation, you can start talking about important things you’ve come to understand. Little by little, you can start to show your ex that you regret what happened between you. You can begin to do this subtly by saying something like, “I remember that time you were trying to explain to me what you were feeling. I should have been more patient and I should’ve listened. I’m sorry about that.” You bring their attention to the fact that you’ve been thinking about what went wrong and you’ve understood how you could have acted differently.
Once you’ve created a comfortable atmosphere, you can bring up getting back together. It’s incredibly important to properly gauge their reaction when you’re planning what to say to your ex! Like I said, if you sense resistance, then it’s not time to bring up getting back together yet.
AVOID these things to say to your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend!
As I’m sure you’ve come to understand, there are a lot of things to not say to your ex when you want them back, and it all depends on timing.
If you’re angry about the situation but you want to get back together in the future, there’s no sense in coming up with mean things to say to your ex girlfriend or boyfriend, even if they’ve hurt you. You don’t want to get back in touch on a negative note. Rather, allow time to heal those wounds. You’ll have the opportunity in the future to tell your ex what you feel, but it’s always best to do it in a calm and collected way. Otherwise they’ll put up their defenses and you won’t get anywhere!
When thinking about what to tell your ex to get him back, it’s crucial that you don’t start talking about the breakup and the relationship too early on. Your main goal right now is to foster a genuine friendship.
The scary thing is the fear of not falling into the dreaded friend-zone. It can seem like a delicate endeavor at first, but don’t worry it’s a lot harder than you realize to be just friends with an ex…and we are always here to help! You can leave a question at the bottom of this article or get in touch with us directly via our coaching page!
I also want to mention that nothing good comes from blowing up your ex’s phone. You need to let them breathe and take things slowly.
The moment they start feeling pressure from you, they’ll pull away! Remember, easy does it and less is more!
Keep fighting the good fight!
Your relationship expert for knowing what to say to your ex,
Sincerely,
Adrian
52 Responses
It’s been three months after the break-up (it started as a “Pause” but…). Our last month together had been quite bad and I was being needy and negative. At first we remain friends, we started to be close again… later he started to be distant and ignore me… When I asked him why, he told me that he has moved on (not with another girl, he just said that he left 2016 behind) and that if we met (we live in different cities, one hour by train, but I will probably move to his city for work in less than two months) we could go to the movies or something but “another stage, another pace”. I told him that it was fine for me (It wasn’t but what could I say? Reasoning with him for getting another chance was my mistake after breaking up and obviously it didn’t work). I thought it was the end of the conversation but he told me some news about a common interest and keep talking a little…After that he suddenly told me that he still had the last pictures I sent him (days before the break-up) and he asked me if he could keep them or I wanted him to delete them. I told him that that was his decision, because the pictures were a “gift”. He said “oh well, I’ll take good care of them, they’re amazing”. The conversation ended and I thought that it would be the end (last months he was so distant that I stopped to text him because I was making it worse). But a few days later he sent me something about our favorite tv show (we used to watch it together) and we texted a little (five or six texts each) during two days, always about the show, an “empty” conversation but we kept it going… I decided to make him wait one night for my next answer (it was Tuesday night) and texted him yesterday (Wednesday) morning. He read it inmediately (since the break up he used to wait minutes, hours or even two days once) but he didn’t answered. I thought that delaying my response would demonstrate him that I’m not needy anymore but I think that I messed up… What can I do? I miss him and I want him back…I’m so scared…
Hi Lily,
Thank you for your share. I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how hard it can be when it comes to how to talk to your ex and what to say. I encourage you to consider what triggered the breakup, and focus on that. It’s in this process that you can rectify the situation.
Best,
Coach N.
Im on the fence of joining this program. Adrian, Youre first 3 videos are very insightful. However not that I am feeling lack of confidence. But my wife (not legally married, long story) are still living together, and I am the father (step father, not biological) to her children. She started a new job and lost a bunch of weight, and is hanging with new friends. She also might be having an emotional affair. With this too she is VERY stubborn. She is the type of person that when she makes up her mind, she sticks with it. She says things like “we dont want the same things in life” and “Im not IN love with you anymore (could be attraction, but I lost 45 pounds so far and she hasnt noticed, or said anything). She also says things like “I am not giving you anymore chances” and gave the ring back.
I am FULLY committed to this family, and I want nothing more than to restore her love in me, and see me for the new man I am becoming.
Will your $149 course truly help me? Do you believe your coaching will help me get better insight along with the numerous books, articles, blogs, podcasts I am engaging in. Money is a tight thing for me raising two children, but this is everything I want in life and I want to make the investment if there is the SLIGHTEST chance I can change her mind, even though shes stubborn. Please please please just drop me one line to make me feel better about it.
Thank you!
Hi Mike,
I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how challenging it can be to feel rejected by your partner and unable to see light at the end of the tunnel. Adrian works with a variety of people dealing with similar issues, and has a high success rate in the area. Together, you’ll be able to discuss your relationship at length, and create a game plan for you to follow to maximize your chances at turning this around.
I hope this helps and we wish you the best always.
Coach N.
What if my ex says that he is depressed and that’s why he can’t be with me. He said that he is still in love with me but he just wants to be friends. We’ve been together for 10 years and only had two major break ups but ended up wanting to be together. He started a break with me saying we aren’t going to see other people. Then one night I could not handle being without him and I called him. Obviously it did not go so well but tried to end the conversation as best as I could. I know he is my soulmate. I do not want anyone else. He says that he is so depressed and doesn’t think about the future period and being in a relationship is added stress. Do you think I still have a chance if I follow the steps. It was a month break and he was supposed to decide if he wanted to be with me and he has decided that he doesn’t want to but I messed up and spoke to him after two weeks which is when he said we weren’t getting back together at the end of the month. But he said he is in love with me and we will talk as friends at the same end date. Do I still have a chance?
My ex unblocked me but said she wants nothing to do with me. She said she couldn’t grow with me and she was very unhappy. All I can do is change for myself. I can’t afford coaching or anything right now but I would like pointers on what to do.
Hi Trent,
I invite you to really give the relationship some space. Let her heal, and then you’ll be able to approach her with her being more receptive.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi guys
I just wanted to thank you for all the fab articles, videos and crash courses on this page. I don’t know how it will pan out with trying to get my ex back right now….we are talking (initiated by him mainly as I am currently doing the mirror technique) it is tempting to say no contact at all (broke up 3 weeks ago) but at present i fear this would push him away more. Either way he says he cannot take me back until he is sure I have changed behaviour etc which is fair and i am committed to this. I am just trying to keep a cool head and not give in to the urges to text saying how much i love him and want to hug him.
I just want to say throughout this whole -extremely lonely – process, you guys have helped so much. When I feel terrible I look up one of your videos and regain some inner strength. Whether we make it back together or not, I now have the drive to become a better person and the drive to keep going as opposed to considering suicide for the first week. I wish I could afford a coaching session but that is out of the question on a student loan!
Many thanks again – I imagine you have saved more people than you know
Jane
Jane,
Just wow. Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for giving us a sense of purpose. We are thankful for your feedback. Keep focussing on your changes – it’s the consistency that will let him know they are permanent. Don’t be afraid to take your time – as time and space are the true menders of broken hearts and relationships. We’re here to support you always.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi Heather,
Thank you for your share! I know how painful this must be. I think that you’re right on track with what you’re doing. Focus on yourself and avoid contact. Let him truly miss you. I know that this seems really hard, but you can do it, and it’ll make all the difference in turning this around. If you want a detailed approach, I’d love to help. I invite you to book a session with me. I have a high success rate in this area.
Wishing you the very best during this,
Coach N.
Hello,
The breakup between my ex girlfriend & I took place over a year ago. We haven’t spoken to each other since & it was a long distance relationship (Kentucky me & Arkansas her). I’ve tried reaching out to her after the breakup, but get no response. It’s usually something small I write or a picture I send on FB messenger. She does read them, but never responds. I do know she was seeing someone last summer after we split, but don’t know if they’re still together. Thought about being creative & sending her a personal video of me explaining how I would like to get back with her. Was wondering if this would be a good idea? It would be short & to the point basically explaining how I’ve changed since we split as well as how I think it could work if we get back together again. Right now I feel like I have nothing to lose, but would at least like to generate a response from her.
Thanks for your time,
Ron
Hi Ron,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. Before letting you know if it’s a good idea to do such a gesture, I’d love to hear more about your situation. Have you considered booking a session? In a session, we can discuss the relationship at length and I can help you decide what will heighten her chances of response.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi Lynn,
Thank you for reaching out. I feel that the problem here is that you’ve replaced the old relationship with this new, less engaged one. We’ll have to reset this in order for you to achieve your desired goal of getting him addicted to you again. If you need support in this, I can help. I invite you to book a session with me.
Wishing you the best always,
Coach N.
Hi Natalie: Yes, I guess that’s the problem and I don’t know what to do…
I´d book one session without any doubt but as I said, I’ve just finished in my job so now it is impossible to me. Many, many thabks for your answer, I’ll keep reading the blog and I’ll try to find a plan (but now I’m so lost that I don’t know…). Thank you again for your job.
Best,
Lynn
Hi
I was just wondering if you have any tips on how to surprise your ex and show actions that will make them believe you have changed when the issue he had was my taking my anger out on him. I have worked hard on getting in control of my emotions and our text conversations are calm and positive. But without actually getting back together I have no idea how to prove my evolution! Do you have any tips for those of us dumped for our mood swings!
Thanks
Hi Jane,
Thank you for reaching out. We certainly do, and Adrian and I both have many clients in similar situations to you. I invite you to consider booking a session with me, so I can share then with you over the phone.
I look forward to connecting with you and if you have any questions, please feel free to let men now.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi,
So I feel my situation is way more complicated because I’m pregnant. My ex broke up with me about a week ago & 4 days into the breakup I found out I was pregnant. As you can imagine I was very emotional when I reached out to him to let him know. He ignored me. He didn’t say a word to me. He still seemed really angry, he even texted me “good luck with that & the flipping me off emoj”. I also saw him two days into the breakup at the gym and he flirted with another girl in front of me. I was so hurt and sadly I’m sure he saw that. I haven’t reached out in a week and I though that the breakup is way too fresh. But I really would like us to work things out but I feel my neediness pushed him away now that I’m pregnant I can just imagine what he thinking, that I got pregnant to trap him. However, that’s not the case we had been together for a year and nine months. What can I do? Will he want to come back? Does he not care that I’m pregnant?
Karina
Hi Karina,
Thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current dilemma. I know how challenging and scary this may be. I feel like it’ll be important for you to give the relationship space. I’m sure he cares that you’re pregnant, but may be struggling with the resentment factor of the breakup in general. If you need support with developing a game plan, I invite you to book a session with me. I can help.
Wishing you the best,
Coach N.
Hey coach, thanks for this site!
A gf of 4.5 years broke it off with me after coming back from a sailing trip. I was not affectionate/we didn’t have much sex at all the last few years. I have however changed and want a chance to get her back. I was ignoring her the first week then she would drop lines about “sorry for not calling before I came to your house to grab a few things (we lived together).” She’s a very good person so it’s entirely possible she was just being polite and not contacting out of attraction– she called me so I returned her call and the vibe was very platonic. She texted later that night saying she was “so glad we can be cool now and it’s not wierd” and complimented my new hobby. I then felt like I was getting friend zoned hard. She stated in the breakup that she wasn’t attracted to me but loved me. I feel she has had these feelings for at leaste half a year if not longer. So I responded that platonic “I’m glad we can be friends now!” Text with “glad your doing well too but after all the time we spent together it’s hard for me to see you as just a friend. It would be disingenuous of me. Give me a call in the future though if you ever change your mind and we can see where we’re both at. Take care” My really question is– should I not have texted that? Will she now not contact me because it seems I’ve layed an ultimatum– that if she contacts me it’s for romance only…? I feel I could have remained friends with her and she was starting to be interested in my life so I could have gently spent some time with her here and there to lead up to building physical attraction. Should I say something like “I didn’t mean I only want a relationship. I think that’s not what either of us want. But would still love to date when the time is right” or would this make my negotiating position weak? Please advise and sorry for the long message:/
Hi Alex,
Thank you for your share! I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I feel like it’s going to be important for you to identify what specific ways your were accountable for her feelings of discontent and how you’ll be able to permanently eliminate them. This will be critical in rekindling. If you want a game plan on how to best pull this off, I can help. I invite you to book a session with me.
Wishing you the best today and always!
Coach N.
Long stories short my ex girlfriend broke up with me around a month ago I’m not going to in extreme detail she found two new guy friends that she was hanging out a lot with one that was x2 her age 35 and he is divorced! Anyway few days ago we talk We Fell in Love immediately(to fast I pushed her) we start making out Etc the next day we go out for a movie to talk and dinner. Then we hook up and have sex that night and the next morning. later that day she says she would pick me over the two new guy friend she has and I told her to prove it and she sent them a text saying she doesn’t want to see them anymore because she’s back with me.(I was beyond amazing and I was going to let her still see them because she came to my trust these where her only friends as she does not have any at all really.) later that night we met at a store to get Plan B pill because the sex we had and I meet her there and go to her car and she just starts crying since i can’t do it and sorry but i can’t promise anything anymore. I ended on a good note and even went to 2 story’s to fund the pill still couldn’t find it and then we just decided to go home. I told her I would trust her with those two guys if she wants to be friends still with them and I love her and I sent her a message saying that I’m there for her and I care about her. She said she loves me too and is praying for me also . What do I do now should I just let her be?
Hi Help Me,
Thank you for your share. I think that some space can really help you both now. Let the dust settle and re-approach her in a few weeks.
I hope this helps!
Coach N
I sent her a message seeing where we went wrong and that I’m going to unfriend her on social media after she replies and I told her that I care about her and I’m just going to live my life and if she wants to be with it that’s great if not that’s okay. I told her we both need space because we’re her she replied saying she does care about me and loves me and said that she knows I’ll be successful and wishes me the best in life. Does this mean I have no chance with her? I unfriended her on Facebook and Snapchat she can still view what I post on my Snapchat stories should I block her from that?
Hi Tenesha,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your really tricky situation. I know how much anxiety this must be causing you! I believe Adrian can support you in turning it around for the better. He invites you to book a session with him.
All the best,
Coach N
coach help me to understand.
I recently had a brief relationship with a coworker (2 months). we have worked in the same office for a year but our relationship took a turn when she escalated the flirting. in our short time together the relationship was intense and we fell for each other so fast it was a shock to us both. we both had the same 3 year plan to move to Florida after our kids graduated from school. 6 weeks into the relationship I began to notice her being distant. she said everything was OK but my gut told me that wasn’t true. she began to avoid me at work and communication lessened romantically and otherwise. finally I asked her via text why she hadn’t been available and she replied that she met someone. I don’t know why I was devastated. the relationship was very brief. I was never in love with her and I was depressed for 2 weeks. we didn’t speak to each other for a week until I ran into her in the community. I asked her why and she stated that although I was separated from my wife I was still married and she couldn’t see the relationship going anywhere. I understood she was saying that I wasn’t 100% available and she wanted more. I wasn’t mad at her for her decision but I want to know why this was the worse breakup I every had and why it has effected me so much
Hi Elkana,
Thank you for you share and I’m sorry to hear about your current stresses. I know how painful this can be. It may be that your relationship, although brief, had a lot of components similar to other relationships you’ve had that have been unsuccessful. She may be bringing a lot of fears to the surface.
I think you’d really enjoy a session with Coach Adrian. He’s excellent at topics pertaining to this, specifically.
Wishing you the best,
Coach N
Hi I want to refer this post on your video “my in laws hate me”. I am in a situation where I strongly believe my ex mother does not want us to be together. I don’t think it much as she doesn’t like me but not for him, she even expressed that to him while we where together. But by far I’ve done the no contact, the letter, went on a couple dates, hung out, etc. But I just really sense he is hiding me from his parents (mother) because how she feels about me. How do reestablish a relationship and that respect and trust with an ex parent in this situation? Will this hinder his decision to take me back?
Hi Ashia,
This is a great question. Thanks for reaching out. If your ex really wants to be with you, he’ll make it work. In the meantime, don’t give him an excuse to badmouth you to his mother. If you need tips on how to get on her good side, I can help you. I invite you to book a session with me.
Best,
Coach N
Hii I m in radio silence with my ex and she is in a relationship with someone at the start of radio sikence she used to call me ask me how am I but I used to ignore it by saying I m fine and showing her that I m busy but now she dont even ask me shall I end the radio silence its is about 2 weeks of radio silence .What should I do ?????
Hi Shubham,
In order to know about the significance of this new person and the length of no contact, I’m going to need to know more info.I invite you to book a session with Coach Adrian or myself so we can dedicate time to your needs.
Wishing you the very best,
Coach N
Basically, my ex boyfriend never changes his mind, he is certain he is done with me, when I messaged him after a month of not speaking for my stuff back, he replied straight away and was polite, I feel like there’s no chance, but I still want to try, he doesn’t think we are compatible, but I really want to prove I can make him happy, but everyone has told me to move on because you can’t force someone to take you back, do I just move on?
Hi Shakila,
Thank you for reaching out – I’d love to help. I invite you to book a session with me so we can set up a game plan for you to get your ex back 🙂
Best,
Coach N.
5 month break up after 22 yr relationship..many tho he indicate it’s o st yet clues reveal.its not…how do we get a session for advice to get her back…cancer 3 yrs ago put a real.twist to her mindset.
Hi Steve,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation – I know how frustrating and painful and challenging this can all be. I feel that, based on my professional experience, a tailored strategy will be your best chance of turning this around. I invite you to schedule a session with me so we can work together. I find your situation fixable, but complex and needing of some TLC. Please visit this link to book : http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
Best,
Coach N
Michelle was in same bar as me last night i came in after her..she was sitting with two friends after half beer i decided to walk up to her and ask how she was doing..she stated fine move on. I then walked to her opposite side and sat in stool next to her to listen to music..she got up and walked out then text me the following..Does that make you feel superior! I can honestly say what u just did is the exact reason im moving away from here!
I hate you.
You stay the fuck away from me & i mean that. I will have u arrested……Is there any hope for us it’s Been about 7 months apart after 20 plus years together..yes I still love her..i have heard she is not the same person at work..she was a well liked person before break up..she is a nurse and people say since we are apart she is very different….i get the impression a bitch..she had kidney removed about 3.5 years ago due to cancer…do I have false hope for us after her latest text..itvwas 5 days ago she atleast opened her house door n said thanks with a sad smile as she did it..i thought she looked sad and things could turn until last nifht…now what are your thoughts
LDR breakup here. After one week of nc ex gf misses talking to me and wants to talk when I’m free. Multiple texts from her and I responded days later. I’ve responded with upbeat happy I’m well kind of message. I’ve been busy with self preservation and making peace with the break but shocked that it was only a week later she wants to talk. She Misses talking to me and she wanted to call a few times. Your opinions on this situation would be appreciated.
Sounds to me like you’re right on track. However, there’s a few things you’ll need to keep in mind in order to make sure your efforts kickstart the relationship again. I invite you to consider booking a session with me – I can help you here.
Wishing you the best,
Coach N
My fiancé & I broke up close to 3 months ago. She initially said she had made the right decision then said she was willing to see if her feelings for me would return. In the last few days she has called it a day & said she wants to move on with her life & doesn’t want to feel guilty me waiting for something that might not come back.
She is suffering from bad depression & openly admits to burying her problems & running away from them. So she hasn’t processed the breakup yet. She is beginning to see a counsellor to help her through all her personal issues but I’m unsure how I should approach things.
Hi Andrew
Thank you for reaching out. I know how hard this is!
I can’t really guide you on what to do without learning more, and so I invite you to schedule a coaching session with me so we can discuss.
Please visit this link: http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
I know from experience that every situation requires a unique approach. I’m looking forward to helping you develop yours.
Wishing you the very best,
Coach N
My ex of a year and a half broke up 2 months ago.. I did NC and met with him a month after the breakup and we started doing all the things we did when we were together, but he wasn’t willing to commit.. That lasted for a month and now he started hooking up with another girl and said it wouldn’t be fair to me to continue what we have.. I said I didn’t mind him seeing someone else, but I really do. I’m afraid if I stop seeing him and start NC again, it would push him to the other girl..but I also don’t want him to see me only as a friend with benefits.. I really need help on how to approach the situation.
Hi Lucija,
Thank you for reaching out. Your situation is a tricky one, and due to its complexity, I invite you to schedule a coaching session with me. I’d like to learn more about your situation and give you a guide on what to do next. If you’re interested in connecting with me, please visit this link : http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
Wishing you the very best always,
Coach N
I just recently got out of a relationship where I was too needy. I came back and begged to be with him after two weeks of NC. We still see each other about three times a week when he comes over to spend the night. Just recently he started being more affectionate towards me because I showed less affection and started to show that I was more happy, that I had goals and I was no longer dependent on him for happiness. I am now confused for the next step. I don’t know if I should continue being non affectionate but I also don’t want to push him away with the I miss you.
Me and my ex were together for 9 months I had a bit of a drinking problem that she’s giving me a few chance of here and there really broke the camel’s back was when I ended up doing that in front of her children and we live together so that cause me to lose her Trust and now I am fighting to get it back so I guess I’m just trying to go in the right direction as how I can show her that that will never happen again in the beginning of our relationship I did let her know that my flaws is drinking I was very open and honest with her about everything and she accepted it but when it came down to doing that in front of the children that’s where she’s going to mine and she tells me that we have two ears in a house together I can prove it to her that way
Me and my ex fiance still live together and have 3 kids together we started off with a a rocky relationship being my fault then i cheated on her then later on she cheated on me for being upset with me we we’re both hurt with each other but managed to move forward and fall more inlove with each other had our first daughter in 2014 then our son in 2015 and another daughter in 2017 she was happy with oit first two kids but stressed out about our 3rd child because of financial status but i got a better job more pay it worked out but now resents me for making her have our 3rd baby because she wasnt ready for another 1 she has postpartum and suffers from depression and she started to flirt with a coworker by never did anything more shes tells me shes sorry and that and shes said she still loves me but needs space because she still cant forgive me about my past mistakes but still get close to me then she retracts again and it kills me she says shes wants me but doesnt know what she wants. and financially she cant move out on her own because im the main income but does want me to help her and talks to me everyday about things a d jokes with me im so confused. And we drink some times then she holds on to me like at the peak of the love we had then goes back to rhe same way the next day please help me i love her with all my heart and want to fix it so we can save our family i already have a daughter from a previous relationship and she loves her like her own child and my daughter looks up to her as her mom.
Me and my ex fiance still live together and have 3 kids together we started off with a a rocky relationship being my fault then i cheated on her then later on she cheated on me for being upset with me we we’re both hurt with each other but managed to move forward and fall more inlove with each other had our first daughter in 2014 then our son in 2015 and another daughter in 2017 she was happy with oit first two kids but stressed out about our 3rd child because of financial status but i got a better job more pay it worked out but now resents me for making her have our 3rd baby because she wasnt ready for another 1 she has postpartum and suffers from depression and she started to flirt with a coworker by never did anything more shes tells me shes sorry and that and shes said she still loves me but needs space because she still cant forgive me about my past mistakes but still get close to me then she retracts again and it kills me she says shes wants me but doesnt know what she wants. and financially she cant move out on her own because im the main income but does want me to help her get a place for her and our kids and talks to me everyday about things and jokes with me im so confused. And we drink some times then she holds on to me like at the peak of the love we had then goes back to rhe same way the next day please help me i love her with all my heart and want to fix it so we can save our family i already have a daughter from a previous relationship and she loves her like her own child and my daughter looks up to her as her mom. Please help me how can i make her want me n fall back in love with while we live together
My ex and I dated for almost 5 1/2 years when he broke up with me about a month ago. I tried no contact, but he broke a few days later it and not in a nice way. I ignored it, but I texted him the next day being nice. We both play a card game called Magic: The Gathering and I had pulled some decent cards and asked him if he needed any of them, which he said he did. We talked that night about the break up and he says he’s willing to give me another chance as long as I change my bitchy attitude that I get sometimes among other things. I’ve been working on it since we talked – he’s even said I’m getting better everyday – and we’re still best friends, but I find myself losing patience. Based on his actions, I can tell he’s falling in love with me again, but I want to know what to say to him to convince him that I’m worth being his girlfriend again. We still get intimate – no intercourse – and we’ve even kissed a few times. What does that say? What do I tell him to convince him I’m worth it?
So I just finished no contact, I initiated contact talking about a trailer for the second season of a show my ex and I used to watch, my ex boyfriend responded so positively, even saying “it’s so nice to hear from you!! :)” then he tried to carry the convo and I ended it saying “I’ve heard that before 🙈 you’ll be just fine. Have a good night!” Now I am worried he won’t reach out. Should I reach out in 3-4 days? What should I say? I am worried I’ll be friend zoned. Thanks!! Xx
Hi Samantha,
Thanks for reaching out – I can’t really help here unless I know all the surrounding context. To that end, I invite you to schedule a coaching session with me. Relax, you can do this!
Best,
Natalie
I don’t want to play mind games. I guess I just want to talk to people who would understand. I’ve been with my ex for nearly two years now and I know the issue was a loss of interest. I think in part it was because this was my first love (I’m 23) and so I didn’t hold anything back. I let him know I loved him every day. And went straight to casual mode. Like we didn’t go on any dates we just watched Netflix in my room and cuddled or went to group things as a couple. I think all in all we had maybe 4 dates in nearly 2 years and one of those was an anniversary picnic. I really want to get back together with him but I don’t want to do no contact. Or as I said mind games. For now he still replies to my messages and has agreed to meet up with me tomorrow. It’s only been a bit over a week now though. Is there any advice anyone has on what I should do? I did make the mistake of asking him out again and he said no so I want to progress as friends. But I still want more. Is there any chance that we could hang out as friends and somehow end up together again? Or am I naive?
Hello Jess,
I would try no contact for a couple weeks. Also, show change through actions for whatever it was that caused the breakup. Also, when you see your ex lead with confidence.
Best,
WMEA Team
I was in a relationship for 5 yrs. I’m 45 She is 30. She had 8yrs relationship broke up and meet me after 15 days. After 3 months of the relationship she become very controlling person. She broke up with me at least 2/3 times a year. 30 days ago she just left again as soon as we back home from a week for a holiday in switzerland. I dont know what to say very confused whether i had to go back if she reach out. Honestly to day i send her a msg asking from where she bought me the blinds. She replied just the answer.
Thanks Jason
Hello Jason,
Thank you for your comment. It seems like she may have more control over the relationship and you may need to step back a bit. I do suggest for you to reach out to me here https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/ so we can discuss the dynamics and give you advice tailored around a plan of action. Hope to hear from you soon.
Best,
WMEA Team