When should I reach out to my exHave you been waiting to reach out to your ex after your latest breakup? Do you miss them and can’t wait to hear their voice? Do you feel the urge to get in touch to see if they’ve also been missing you or reconsidered their stance? Trust me; I know how you feel because I speak to so many people who feel the exact same way every day!

As a relationship expert who specializes in helping people get back with their ex, I am constantly guiding people who have trouble managing their emotions. The desire to reach out to your ex and to let them know how much you still care; how much you love them and tell them that you’re willing to do anything to make it work can sometimes feel like an urge to scratch an itchy spot that you can’t seem to get to.

Being able to get a bit of distance and perspective to give you both some space can actually be a good thing; it can greatly increase your chances of getting back together! When I explain this concept to the people I coach during private consultation, one of the questions that always seems to pop up soon after is “when should I reach out to my ex” then”? That’s why I’ve decided to dedicate an entire article to help guide you and provide you with the answers that you have been yearning for!

A bit of distance after a breakup is probably a good thing!

Being able to take a step back to give both you and your ex space after a breakup is usually a good thing! The word breakup entails separation; if things got to this point it means that taking a bit of space away from one another is necessary. No matter how things may have ended, the fact that you are no longer together means that things were beyond repair for at least one of you; whoever decided to end things.

Gaining some space to let the storm pass can only be a positive under these circumstances. Instead of rushing to try to make amends, or acting on impulse without a clear plan or structure in your approach will most often lead to confrontation or a misunderstanding. If you are hoping to get back with your ex, it’s definitely worth waiting it out a bit in order to be more credible and to give your ex time to miss you!

The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, so giving your ex time to truly experience what if feels like to be single could be a good thing. I know that you will be afraid to lose them, afraid that they will find someone else in the meantime; it’s very common for people in your position to let their fears and insecurities over take them. But the reality is that your ex is no longer yours to lose! The breakup already happened and in their mind you are already no longer together! The worse thing that could happen is that you won’t succeed in making them want to get back together; not that they find someone else.

What is the radio silence technique to get back with an ex?

The radio silence technique is a formalized way to take some distance following a breakup. This approach designed to ultimately get back together was first developed by Alexandre Cormont in 2007 and polished over time. It has become a powerful tool that can enable you to feel empowered during this time away from your ex; and to ensure that you are not passive. The point is not to just force you to not reach out and let time pass. You have to be in an active and dynamic mindset in order to surprise your ex and to once again be appealing when you will decide to reestablish contact.

This technique needs to be adapted; based on how long you and your ex were together, how the breakup went down and the dynamics that followed. For instance if you and your spouse were married for 17 years, your approach should not be the same as if you broke up with someone during your freshman year in college. Obviously you’ll need to really think it through and if need be seek the guidance of experts in the field in order to ensure that you approach it in the best possible way!

When should I reach out to my ex again if I am hoping to get back together?

So we’ve come full circle; whether you were able to implement a radio silence or if you simply stopped reaching out to your ex after the breakup; how can you know when is the best time to contact them and how should you go about it? I understand that the time factor can be the most difficult to deal with after a separation so I will start there! It’s not about waiting for a set number of days but rather about waiting to be in the right mindset to make a positive impression; to surprise your ex; to prove that you have evolved; and even if need be to show that you have accepted the breakup!

Yes, often times you will need to ensure that your ex doesn’t feel like you are simply looking to get back together otherwise there’s really no point in waiting before reaching out to them. You have to let time pass to enter into a new dynamic, and make them reconsider their stance or in order for them to see you differently. Your ex probably feels that they know everything about you and that you are incapable of making them happy in the long run; that’s why they broke up (if they were the one that decided to end the relationship!) So the right time to reach out is when you feel ready to surprise them; to prove that you have understood certain mistakes; and show that you have evolved!

How to approach them? Well, simply in a way that will lead them to believe that you are not trying to get back together, at least initially! Whether by phone, email social media or in person it’s not the means that matters; more that you avoid awkward moments and that you surprise your ex! Since you have waited some time before reaching out, the odds are that your ex will be happy to see or to hear from you.

Your goal should be to have a good time and to prove to them that you can have a conversation without arguing in order to set the stage for more encounters and then seduce them over time. If you can spend time together, you will have an opportunity to prove that you can make them happy and ultimately get back together!

The coach to reach out to if you are asking yourself; when should I reach out to my ex?