When should I reach out to my ex again following a breakup?

When should I reach out to my exHave you been waiting to reach out to your ex after your latest breakup? Do you miss them and can’t wait to hear their voice? Do you feel the urge to get in touch to see if they’ve also been missing you or reconsidered their stance? Trust me; I know how you feel because I speak to so many people who feel the exact same way every day!

As a relationship expert who specializes in helping people get back with their ex, I am constantly guiding people who have trouble managing their emotions. The desire to reach out to your ex and to let them know how much you still care; how much you love them and tell them that you’re willing to do anything to make it work can sometimes feel like an urge to scratch an itchy spot that you can’t seem to get to.

Being able to get a bit of distance and perspective to give you both some space can actually be a good thing; it can greatly increase your chances of getting back together! When I explain this concept to the people I coach during private consultation, one of the questions that always seems to pop up soon after is “when should I reach out to my ex” then”? That’s why I’ve decided to dedicate an entire article to help guide you and provide you with the answers that you have been yearning for!

A bit of distance after a breakup is probably a good thing!

Being able to take a step back to give both you and your ex space after a breakup is usually a good thing! The word breakup entails separation; if things got to this point it means that taking a bit of space away from one another is necessary. No matter how things may have ended, the fact that you are no longer together means that things were beyond repair for at least one of you; whoever decided to end things.

Gaining some space to let the storm pass can only be a positive under these circumstances. Instead of rushing to try to make amends, or acting on impulse without a clear plan or structure in your approach will most often lead to confrontation or a misunderstanding. If you are hoping to get back with your ex, it’s definitely worth waiting it out a bit in order to be more credible and to give your ex time to miss you!

The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, so giving your ex time to truly experience what if feels like to be single could be a good thing. I know that you will be afraid to lose them, afraid that they will find someone else in the meantime; it’s very common for people in your position to let their fears and insecurities over take them. But the reality is that your ex is no longer yours to lose! The breakup already happened and in their mind you are already no longer together! The worse thing that could happen is that you won’t succeed in making them want to get back together; not that they find someone else.

What is the radio silence technique to get back with an ex?

The radio silence technique is a formalized way to take some distance following a breakup. This approach designed to ultimately get back together was first developed by Alexandre Cormont in 2007 and polished over time. It has become a powerful tool that can enable you to feel empowered during this time away from your ex; and to ensure that you are not passive. The point is not to just force you to not reach out and let time pass. You have to be in an active and dynamic mindset in order to surprise your ex and to once again be appealing when you will decide to reestablish contact.

This technique needs to be adapted; based on how long you and your ex were together, how the breakup went down and the dynamics that followed. For instance if you and your spouse were married for 17 years, your approach should not be the same as if you broke up with someone during your freshman year in college. Obviously you’ll need to really think it through and if need be seek the guidance of experts in the field in order to ensure that you approach it in the best possible way!

When should I reach out to my ex again if I am hoping to get back together?

So we’ve come full circle; whether you were able to implement a radio silence or if you simply stopped reaching out to your ex after the breakup; how can you know when is the best time to contact them and how should you go about it? I understand that the time factor can be the most difficult to deal with after a separation so I will start there! It’s not about waiting for a set number of days but rather about waiting to be in the right mindset to make a positive impression; to surprise your ex; to prove that you have evolved; and even if need be to show that you have accepted the breakup!

Yes, often times you will need to ensure that your ex doesn’t feel like you are simply looking to get back together otherwise there’s really no point in waiting before reaching out to them. You have to let time pass to enter into a new dynamic, and make them reconsider their stance or in order for them to see you differently. Your ex probably feels that they know everything about you and that you are incapable of making them happy in the long run; that’s why they broke up (if they were the one that decided to end the relationship!) So the right time to reach out is when you feel ready to surprise them; to prove that you have understood certain mistakes; and show that you have evolved!

How to approach them? Well, simply in a way that will lead them to believe that you are not trying to get back together, at least initially! Whether by phone, email social media or in person it’s not the means that matters; more that you avoid awkward moments and that you surprise your ex! Since you have waited some time before reaching out, the odds are that your ex will be happy to see or to hear from you.

Your goal should be to have a good time and to prove to them that you can have a conversation without arguing in order to set the stage for more encounters and then seduce them over time. If you can spend time together, you will have an opportunity to prove that you can make them happy and ultimately get back together!

The coach to reach out to if you are asking yourself; when should I reach out to my ex?

Sincerely,

Adrian

  • Megan Kite

    we have always played an online trivia game together. I am not talking to him, but still playing the game. do I need to stop?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Megan,
      It really depends on how the breakup occurred and how you reacted. The best would be for us to touch base via a one on one coaching over the phone in order for me to provide you with a tailored game and to provide you with answers to all of your questions.
      Best of luck either way in your quest to get back with the one you love.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Jeff

    It has been 2.5 months since the break. We lived together and I cared for her son as well. The relationship was almost 2 years and she had many insecurities with my last relationship that caused us to fight and it only got worse with time. I went about a month without speaking or responding to her and she had been reaching out to me for 2 weeks to meet and when we did the meeting went sideways after 20 minutes because she reverted right back to accusing me of running back to my ex and even went as far as to say that my ex had been harassing her and that was why she knew we could never work. She accused me of choosing my ex over her and I asked her to leave. I was angry and said some nasty things about her insecurity and told her I wished we could get counseling to overcome her obsessions with my ex.

    It’s been 2 weeks since this big blowout and she still has her social media accounts deleted. It’s like she dropped off the face of the earth. I did see her in a spot that we used to go together the other day but I kept on going.

    I feel like she’s not in a place where I could reconcile but I do deeply love her. At this point I don’t think there is any timeline of when to reach out, but feel that she will reconnect at some point herself… Just to toss breadcrumbs like she did the last time. This a lost cause?

  • Anne

    Hi, had made plans to go see a concert together shortly after our break up. It was his idea and meant to be a date. We stopped speaking about 2 weeks later. A month later the date of the concert is coming up and I want to go- not neccessarily with him but I want to go… should I break the silence and ask him if he will be going and if we should still go together?

    • Alexandre Cormont

      Hey Anne,
      Yes, why not reach out?
      I don’t think you have anything to lose in this situation…at the very least you will see where you stand!
      Best,
      Adrian

  • A

    Hi,
    My bf of 6 mon broke up mid week over 1 text message and said he deleted me as gf from fb along w all our pics. I waited a day and texted him at the end of the week of he had time to discuss things and its been 48 hours w no reply. Should i call and give it one last shot? If not, i would give up all hope and just move on. Please let me know if i should just move on since he didnt reply to me. Thanks! Once i move on i dont go back

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey, I think you should give it one week before reaching out to him!
      Book a coaching session with me if you can so that can work on an approach together.
      Best,
      Adrian

  • Kristen Kelly

    Hi,

    My ex of 1 year broke up with me, blocked me in Facebook and change his number. He’s very frustrated right now with no job. It affected me, I quit and am in the job market. We both weren’t working our or eating as healthy as we should, or want. Basically I wasn’t taking as good as care of myself because I was too concerned on spending time with him. I was afraid to lose him. In the process, I lost myself. He has anger problems since childhood. I love him with all my heart, and strongly believe I have the patience and will to be with him. May be not right now, I need to focus on me, to gain my mental strength back 100%, but how long until I should reach out to him? Please let me know. It has been about 2 weeks since we last talked, and he ended our on-again-off-again rollercoaster relationship.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Kristen,
      Love your mindset, perspective and what you’ve already been able to do!
      Book a coaching session so that we can work together and I will help you maximize your chances of making it work!
      I believe that I can help you get back together; you just need some guidance and coaching.
      Hope to hear from you soon.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Kristen Kelly

    Hi,

    My ex of 1 year broke up with me, blocked me in Facebook and change his number. He’s very frustrated right now with no job. It affected me, I quit and am in the job market. We both weren’t working our or eating as healthy as we should, or want. Basically I wasn’t taking as good as care of myself because I was too concerned on spending time with him. I was afraid to lose him. In the process, I lost myself. He has anger problems since childhood. I love him with all my heart, and strongly believe I have the patience and will to be with him. May be not right now, I need to focus on me, to gain my mental strength back 100%, but how long until I should reach out to him? Please let me know. It has been about 2 weeks since we last talked, and he ended our on-again-off-again rollercoaster relationship. What do I do? I want him back. I strongly think we both really had such compassion for each other & wanted a marriage down the road, with kids.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Kristen,
      Just replied to you below!
      Reach out to me, let’s start to work together right away to turn this thing around.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

      • Kristen Kelly

        How do I sign up?

  • Ayeesha

    Does this coaching work for the UK too?

    • CoachAdrian

      Yes absolutely!
      I am currently coaching multiple people in London, Dublin and Scotland.
      Hope to work with you too soon.
      Best,
      Adrian

  • Franco Big

    Hi, does this apply to someone who is not technically an ex?
    We had an intense phone relationship due to his separation from his wife that eventually became in person. We took things slow sexually but then it was very involved for 4 months. He got promoted at work and we had a plan for him to officially start his new life and get things finalized with his wife when suddenly she came back and his job got super stressful. He started being distant and ignoring me the last two months and asked for space to figure it all out. He told me how much he felt for me and we just never got to resolve it before he ended up getting fired. After that he said I was being too much by demanding so many answers and going on text rants when he ignored me. He told me he needed to do this alone and has not spoken to me in a month (right after the firing). After seeing him and his wife back together on social media I flipped out and he blocked me but I never got an explanation. I gave him 20 days of no contact and tried yesterday to talk to him. He ignored me still and I flipped out again big time by text . I am sure he thinks I’m a clingy psycho and his wife keeps putting happy pictures of them up and it kills me. I’m so angry and can’t seem to get past it without coming off as manipulating. He used to text me constantly and grovel at my feet in disbelief that I would give him the time of day and how good I was to him. I know what I did wrong but I felt I had the right to know his marital status and if his wife was going to come after me. He is a coward but I’m helplessly in love. I have gone on over a dozen dates and tried to appear happy on social media and nothing. He was only married 2 years and no kids but apparently she must of found this site before me because she won. I’m lost without a connection to him or hope. I would do anything to save it but I can’t see how it’s possible and maybe his experience with me made him realize his love for her. I’m miserable and it’s ruining my well being and life. I have tried therapy, accupuncture, multiple self development courses, took on 3 new hobbies and none of it is working. My heart is still with him all day, is this for me?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Franco, thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. You are dealing with a complex situation and one that will need a series of coaching sessions and follow up because you’ve made a lot of mistakes and chased him way too much. The key for you will be to regain a sense of emotional independence and to go through a true process of personal transformation. You are not unhappy because he left you, you were unhappy and so he left you (even though multiple factors obviously come into the equation here). Once you are able to find your happy place and some confidence again we will then be able to re-engage in positive dialogue and then win him back. I would love to help, so please reach out to me and book a coaching session so we can get started quickly.
      From my heart to yours,
      Adrian

  • holly

    Hello, well i am in a complete pickle!! myself and my boyfriend were living together and sometimes i have a tendency to get too drunk and ruin nights out and last weekend we were at a concert and we were staying at his sisters cus she wanted to see her brother. Anyway, we wanted to stay out longer so we went to the house to change our shoes and she wouldn’t let us go(bare in mind we are both in our 20’s) so went in and i decided to go to bed since we had to leave the next day and i wanted to be okay for driving. anyways she started talking about me and myself and my boyfriend got into an argument and i had to sleep in my car in a dodgy area. since, my boyfriend has moved out and said that i will always be the love of his life….. I WANT HIM BACK, what should i do??

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Holly,
      I am so sorry I never saw your post until now, it was an oversight on my part. Please tell me if you are still hoping to get back together and I will advise you accordingly.
      Regards,
      Adrian

  • Anxiousliz

    Hello,
    I knos this post oldF but wanted to give it a shot. My ex and I recently broke up. He told me that he was depressed, not happy with where his life was headed and he couldnt give me his all. He said he wanted to take some time to focus on himself. He says he doesnt want to cut me out of his life, he really enjoys my company, really hopes to be friends. I havent spoken to him since, and plan on doing so when I am ready and confident with myself. I loved him dearly, and is literally my ideal man.

    The part I’m curious about is that he hasnt blocked me on any social media what so ever. Is this normal, what should I think of this?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey,
      I have helped tons of people who were in similar circumstances and I believe that I can help you turn things around too.
      Book a phone or skype session with me in order for us to work together to get your ex back into your life.
      Regards,
      Adrian

  • Jenna Mit

    Hi there. My ex broke up with me after 2 years. We are so different in our lifestyles, he’s irresponsible and rluses recreational drugs at 30, i like to have fun and go out but no drugs and loke a stable life. We loved deeply though. I’m devastated. Our differences caused several arguments which pushed him away. And he said he lost it. I know I deserve more but I miss him terribly. I need advice. I can’t fix things because there are issues he has with drugs and irresponsibility that he needs to realize to fix. But he was willing to toss ne away at this point. Please help Im2lost and hurt.

  • Alyssa Herrera

    We were only dating for 4 months, but I got pregnant and he was the one all for keeping it. One day I told him he needed to step it up cause it was unfair that I was paying for everything and driving out to him. He got upset and embarrassed saying he couldn’t afford to and then went on saying I’m to good for him and that he’s holding me back, /’d he ended the relationship. I asked what I did wrong and he said nothing that he enjoys being with me but he’s just not happy and he shouldn’t have got into this after getting out of a 1/2 year relationship. Keep in mind he initiated everything. The day after the breakup I apologized for pressuring him, but he didn’t respond and just gave me his address to mail his things. I haven’t heard from him in 4 days, hasn’t asked how I’m doing or asked about the baby. He assumes I’ll get rid of it I’m sure. ShOuld I reach out in a few days or give up?