Whether you want to get back together with your ex or not, you’re going to have to work through the emotions that follow the breakup. You experience a whirlwind of feelings from sadness, heartache and frustration, to confusion, anger, and maybe even guilt. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel at this stage, but I am here to tell you that there are certain things that you can begin doing today that will help you to bounce back and get to the other side of this.
I know that it seems daunting right now and it feels like you don’t know where to start, but the fact that you’re on this site right now means that you are willing to take matters into your own hands and start feeling better! So hats off to you. This article is going to show you how to deal with a bad breakup and what you can do starting today to start feeling better.
It’s going to require time, patience, perseverance, self control and motivation. If only we could flick a magic wand and heal from a breakup overnight… Unfortunately, that’s not quite how it works and you’re going to have to do the work yourself. Often times people turn to quick fixes, but I’m going to show you what you need to do in order to really heal from a bad breakup and start feeling better as soon as possible!
How to deal with a bad breakup: Fighting the blues
When your relationship falls apart, you can end up feeling lost and hurt. You’ve got to fight off the negative thoughts, especially because in some cases they can lead to serious depression.
I often work with people who were broken up with, so they feel like they’ve lost something very dear to them: Their soulmate. I want to tell you right now that things will get considerably better, as long as you make the conscious effort to take action.
Before we go any further, I want to tell you that holing up in your apartment by yourself, binge watching shows and eating ice cream is not going to help you deal with the breakup and move past it. And that is true regardless of whether you want your ex back or not!
Dealing with a breakup means that you have to switch your focus to your own well being. It’s so easy to fixate on what you feel you lost, your positive memories, and your hopes for the future, but the best thing to do is start focusing on the positive elements right now. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, “Ok, I don’t really see any positive elements right now Adrian…” but trust me. I’m going to show you how to turn this bad breakup into an opportunity.
By the way, I was recently working with a client who was telling me that she was depressed because of the breakup. I told her that when you’re feeling depressed after a breakup, it usually means that you were not at peace before the breakup either. I often see that when people are unhappy with something in their own personal lives, they push their exes away. The break up is a consequence of the unhappiness; not the cause.
Now is the time to take ownership of any element of your personal life that has been making you unhappy and making a conscious effort to change and improve it. The key to dealing with a bad breakup is personal development. Once that is done, you will be able to start working on getting your ex back, if that is what you know you want to do.
So, how do you do that?
How to deal with a breakup by focusing on yourself
We are visual creatures, so one of the first steps in dealing with a breakup is reorganizing your living space. As of right now, there are probably things all around you that remind you of your ex. Go ahead and put all of these things into a box (you can decide later whether you want to throw them away). You can even reorganize your furniture. Getting rid of constant reminders in your living space will do a great deal of good right now.
Next, it’s time to do some introspection. What elements of your personal life got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship? Did you stop spending time with your friends and family members? Did you lose track of your hobbies and passions? Did you stop going to the gym and being physically active?
When you’re in a relationship, and especially when you’re in a serious relationship, it’s not uncommon for it to slowly become the center of your universe. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good thing because it creates a pretty significant imbalance. The problem arises when you begin to lose yourself in the relationship and focus all of your energy on the other person. This in turn gives rise to insecurities and anxiety in the relationship. These elements often directly contribute to the reasons behind the breakup, and the are felt even after the breakup takes place.
This is precisely why it’s so important to focus on your own well being right now. Restoring your self confidence and self esteem is of utmost importance. Even if you want to work on getting your ex back after a bad breakup, you have to focus on getting busy right now. It is crucial to start getting busy, even if the temptation to stay home on your couch is pretty big. Getting yourself out of your comfort zone and giving yourself new, exciting challenges can change everything.
Think about how you can start filling up your schedule with people and activities that bring you joy. What kind of new activities can you start trying out? Switching things up is going to help quite a bit right now. Think about things you’ve always wanted to try, whether it’s yoga, surfing, cooking classes, painting, martial arts… Give yourself new challenges and new goals.
Think about your personal and professional goals. I like to give my clients objectives to work towards. So, in terms of your professional life, where do you want to be in one year? In order to reach that goal, where do you need to be in six months? In one months? Giving yourself clearcut goals is going to help you focus your energy on something that will benefit you in the long run instead of fixating on your current heartache.
Another thing I’d like to draw your attention to is the importance of making sure that your short term satisfaction does not damage your long term satisfaction. I say this because I often see people turning to wild nights of partying that result in nasty hangovers on a regular basis when they’re going through a bad breakup, and this impedes them from dedicating their energy to reaching their personal and professional goals. This is counterproductive.
Right now, you need to be working on proving to yourself that you can be happy and productive, and that you can are in control of your own happiness without your ex. . Your wellbeing should never depend on another person because then you’ll always be vulnerable to falling into depression, especially after a breakup.
If you take the time now to work on yourself, fix deep rooted issues that have been causing you to feel vulnerable and depressed, you’ll be able to change everything. You’ll be able to put yourself in a much better position for getting back together with your ex or turning the page and moving on. You’ll balance the playing field, and you’ll have more control over the situation.
You might feel like the situation is hopeless right now, but don’t forget that you are more in control than you think.
Love is like a drug, and like any drug, when you lose it you go through withdrawals. But just like any drug, if you’re able to sweat this thing out, you’re going to get through it and come back out on top. Just remember that this should be taken as an opportunity – a catalyst for positive changes that will benefit you from here on out.
This feeling is temporary, but the improvements that it can inspire you to make can last a lifetime.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for how to deal with a bad breakup