Ah, this is a tricky one… or at least it might seem that way to you in this specific moment. Many people come to me with this exact question. Does being friends with an ex help get them back or should they play hard to get? A lot of people are afraid to be friends with an ex for a variety of reasons, but there are also a lot of pros. I am going to go over the pros and cons of being friends with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, but I am also going to help you determine whether or not it’s the right move for you at this specific moment.
When you’ve gone through a breakup, and especially when you want your ex back, you are afraid of being in a position where you feel vulnerable. You want to be together, but you don’t want to just be their friend. Fortunately, you’ve found an article that is going to help guide you through this tricky period!
If your ex is telling you that they still want to be friends, there is no need to panic. All we need to do is look at your specific situation in order to determine whether or not being friends with your ex is a good idea or not right now. So let’s get started!
Being friends with an ex you still love: Why it scares people
When I’m talking to people about their ex wanting to remain friends, one of the most common fears I hear is, “I really don’t want to fall into the friend zone.” You don’t want to just be your ex’s buddy ole pal… This is the person you love with all your heart. You’ve shared so much, you’ve built so much, you have so many precious memories with him or her, and the love you feel for them is very real. You don’t want to just slip into the friend zone, never to return, while you watch the person you love flirt with other people or begin a new relationship with someone else.
I get it – no one would want to go through that. But let me tell you this: The odds of you falling into the friend zone are actually quite slim. You’ve shared so much intimacy that it would actually be hard to be friend-zoned. One of two things usually happen in this situation :
1. You fight like cats and dogs because tensions are still running so high
2. You become intimate again and will transcend friendship
What’s more, even if you do fall into the friendzone with your ex, you always have the choice to pull back and say that this isn’t for you. Friendship is a two-way road, even with an ex, and if you’re not feeling it, no one says you have to shut your mouth and accept the situation the way it is. You can always pull back.
The other fear that people express to me when they’re thinking about being friends with an ex and getting back together is having front row seats to seeing their ex get involved with someone new. Truth be told, one of the situations in which it’s ideal to remain friends with an ex is when they begin dating someone new.
Speaking of which, let’s look at the pros of being friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend!
Being friends with an ex: The pros and when it should be done
When your ex tells you they want to be friends, you are actually being presented with a huge opportunity.
When you want your ex back, you’re going to need a platform for communication. You need to be able to show your ex that you’re still compatible, that they can trust you, that you can still make him or her happy, and that you can re seduce and re attract them. Being friends with this person offers you this exact opportunity.
Oftentimes you need distance after a breakup because emotions are all over the place, but in some cases this is not necessary. If you feel that you can keep your feelings and emotions under control, then staying friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend can actually be a shortcut to getting back together. You just need to make sure that you have a clear cut plan of action and that you can stay level headed.
So like I was saying, an ex being in a relationship with someone new is a good reason to remain friends with them. That said, it’s important that you’re able to keep your emotions under control.
In any case, if you are overwhelmed by emotions each time you see your ex and break down in tears, being friends with him or her at this point is not a good idea right now.
Yes, it is very hard, especially if you see your ex with their new boyfriend or girlfriend, but if you’ve been able to take some time to heal and are far enough along in your process of self development, you’ll be fine. You just need to be able to treat your ex the way you would treat your friends, and work on deepening the complicity between you.
You’ll see something very interesting begin to happen because this is when you become an actual threat to his or her new relationship. The new partner will recognize the bond you have and know that the strong connection existed and still exists between you, and that you can still tap into that. It will make him or her insecure and subsequently (and inadvertently) push your ex right back into your arms.
Like I said, if you’re thinking, “I want to be friends with my ex boyfriend or girlfriend but I’m still too hurt,” now is not the best time to do so. It’s crucial that you take some time to heal and bounce back from the breakup before thinking about being this person’s friend.
Like with any attempt at getting back together with an ex, it’s crucial that you take some time right after the breakup to do some healing. You can’t restore a relationship without taking the time to restore your self confidence, identifying what went wrong and coming up with concrete, longterm solutions, and working on personal development. For more information on how to bounce back from a breakup, click here!
Does being friends with an ex help get them back and is it right for you?
At the end of the day, the decision is up to you. If you truly feel that you can handle being close to this person right now without being their significant other, you have a wonderful opportunity. It can make things go so much easier and faster, because your ex is going to have front row seats to your personal evolution, and you’ll be able to show him or her how fun it is to be with you.
If your gut is telling you that it’s going to be too painful, then focus on doing some personal development and healing before you think about staying friends with an ex.
In any case, you’ve got to protect your psyche. Making sure that you prioritize your own well being is key here, and then you will be ready to enter into friendship with the person you want to be with. Little by little, you’ll start to restore the romantic connection with them.
Just make sure that you’re letting things develop naturally. You don’t want to force anything or pressure your ex into being with you. This would be quite counterproductive and would just end up pushing them away. Focus on having fun together while showing them that you’ve made some major improvements in your life. They’ll begin to remember how good you were together, and why they fell in love with you in the first place.
Avoid bringing up the breakup and how much you might be hurting right now. Keep it positive. Remember, you want him or her to associate you with positivity and joy. They’re not going to gravitate back towards you if every conversation you have revolves around the hurt you both experienced.
We always love to hear from you, so please don’t hesitate to leave any questions you may have in the comments section below!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re wondering, “Does being friends with an ex help get them back?”