A person’s first real heartbreak can be horribly painful. It feels like the rug was ripped out from beneath you, especially if it came as an unwelcome surprise. The first time you experience love is just as intense as the first time you experience a breakup. It’s intense, but I am here to tell you that this pain will not last forever. Your first breakup is tough, but there are a few things that you can start doing today that will help you to feel better in no time.
I’ve written this article for you today so that you can find some peace of mind and start getting closer to the other side of this challenging period. Though it’s tempting, don’t allow yourself to isolate yourself and ruminate in your sadness. Now is the moment to take back control and I’ll show you how to do exactly that!
In this article you are going to find some of the biggest do’s and don’ts when it comes to surviving your first breakup. You’ve already gone out of your way to find information online on how to do it, so you’re already on the right track!
First breakup: Why does it hurt so much?
A person’s first breakup is so painful because on top of the fact that it’s one of the most painful things a person can go through, it’s the very first time it’s happening to them. They haven’t had to navigate through this before, and the shock of it can conjure up all kinds of different emotions.
The feeling that accompanies a breakup can be compared to what a person experiences when they lose a loved one. You are in essence mourning the loss of something precious to you, and you have to go through the healing process.
You had been working on something with this person, and if this was your first relationship, the excitement of discovering love was all encompassing. I remember when I was in high school, I was talking to a friend who compared the feeling of breaking up to the feeling of being taken off life support. She meant that it becomes hard to breathe, and everything becomes challenging. You can’t sleep, you don’t want to eat, you don’t want to see anyone, and you don’t want to do anything. You just feel like crying and crying, and the tears don’t feel like they’ll ever stop flowing.
But they will, and you can speed up the process by following the simple techniques I’m about to outline for you below!
How to survive first love breakups
Figuring out how to deal with your first breakup usually involves a lot of trial and error. People often turn to calling their exes and begging to be taken back, or turning to vengeful behavior. Truth be told, this is not going to help you heal at all. Going out of your way to hurt your ex might feel good in the moment, but you’ll only feel worse afterwards. It’s important to always take the high road if you truly want to heal.
It’s also normal to want to hide away for a bit, but now is not the time to isolate yourself. When you’re breaking up with your first love, or with any person for that matter, the importance of spending time with your loved ones should not be underestimated!
Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their relationships with their partners that they lose track of their personal lives. They stop making time for their friends and family, they lose track of their hobbies, and their entire life begins to revolve around the relationship and their partner.
When the relationship comes to an end, they’re left feeling completely lost. With time, you can bring balance back into your life and it’s important to maintain it even when you’re in a relationship.
So, how to handle being broken up with?
Well, when this happens your ego takes a huge hit. You might find yourself blaming yourself for everything or feeling not good enough. Many people feel pessimistic about the future as well, but you’ve got to remember that this breakup is not a reflection of you as a person. Both people involved are to blame for the relationship, and it’s important to use this as a learning experience.
Honestly ask yourself what went wrong in the relationship, and what kind of preventative measures you could take in the future. Remember that there are two people in relationships and the breakup is not only one person’s job.
Someone very wise once told me that sometimes people try to take all the blame as a coping mechanism. They think that if the problems came from them, then they can be in charge of fixing everything as well. Sometimes you have to accept that the other person is at fault and as well and you are only in control of your own emotions.
So, the first week after a breakup is going to be the toughest, but keep in mind that it will only get better. Use this time to write out your feelings when they surge up, and allow your tears to flow. There is no sense in suppressing your emotions because they will surge up later on. Let yourself feel. Speak about it your best friends and allow them to distract you.
Think about ways to fill up your schedule with new activities. Dealing with your first heartbreak is hard but it can be made easier.
Get physically active or switch up your workout routine! Exercise will get your endorphins flowing, which will make you feel happier and more energetic, and it will also boost your self confidence. Spend time outside in nature, and you can kill two birds with one stone by going for a run in the park or on the beach!
Another great way to heal after breaking up with your first love is to switch up your environment. Right now everything reminds you of your ex, so take a day to rearrange your furniture, put away or throw away any photos or objects that remind you of your ex, and give your living space a breathe of fresh air. Keep thinking of ways to introduce freshness into your daily life. Find new hangouts, go to places with your friends where you can meet interesting new people, try new activities, and explore your city.
How to handle a breakup: What not to do!
I specialize in getting people back together, and I see a lot of mistakes being made before people come to me for help. The biggest one is being needy and clingy. I often see people try to feel better by blowing up their ex’s phone, begging them to meet, and constantly trying to get their ex to grant them a second chance.
What I’m about to say is of upmost importance: Your ex will only come back if they made the decision on their own.
You of course have to do your part to make them want to be with you (taking care of yourself, living life to the fullest, and rebuilding your self confidence), but begging your ex is not going to help you.
Similarly, when people are under the shock of the breakup, I see them acting out and doing things with a thirst for revenge. Like I said above, you might feel better in the moment, but after the fact, you’re only going to feel worse. If your ex did something that really hurt you, don’t sink to their level and try to do the same.
If you’re working on getting over a serious relationship and you want to move on, don’t stalk their Facebook or their Instagram. As I said above, constantly seeing reminders of your relationship is not going to help you to heal, so don’t seek it out. Switch your focus to yourself and to your own wellbeing.
When you feel the urge to call your ex, call your best friend instead. When you feel nostalgic about the things you used to do with your ex, go out and try something new like rock climbing or surfing with your group of friends. Try to come up with things to replace the thoughts that cause you pain. The more you do it, the more your thought patterns will change and the closer you will get to overcoming this breakup.
I know it’s not easy and I know you want it to be over already, but the sooner you take action, the sooner you’l be on the other side of this.
As always, I am here to help. Please don’t hesitate to leave your comment in the section below.
Wishing you all the best
Your coach for surviving your first breakup
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Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!