With Valentine’s day coming up, I wanted to sit down and write this article on giving gifts to exes because so many people ask me if now would be a good time to do it. After a breakup, it’s common for a person to want to make grand gestures in an effort to make their ex understand how much they still care. I’m going to go over when it is a good time to do it, and when gift giving should be avoided at all costs!
Giving a gift to your ex at an inopportune moment could really hinder your chances of getting back together, so I want to make sure that you’re fully equipped with the right tools that will help you reach your goal.
So let’s dive right in!
Giving a gift to your ex: Is now the right time?
I was talking to one of my clients the other day who told me, “It’s going to be my ex’s birthday in a few weeks and I wanted to come up with something nice to give him. Is it ok to drop off a gift to your ex during no contact?”
The thing about no contact is that you are not supposed to be in contact. I know that big days like Valentine’s Day and birthdays are the days on which you feel like you are obligated to let a person know that you deeply care about them. This is especially true and is expected when you’re in a relationship, but what happens when the relationship is over and you’re trying to get this person back? Shouldn’t you let them know that you still really care about them and that they’re on your mind?
And what do you do if you had already purchased a gift for your ex before you broke up? Is giving a gift to your ex OK then?
Here is what we need to keep in mind at this phase. The relationship between you and this person is over (temporarily!) You are not together and this person is not your partner right now. If we play our cards right then they will be in the future, but for the time being you two are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend.
So that being said, giving a gift to your ex is not appropriate for the time being and will not help you reach your goal of getting back together. Why?
Why giving a gift to your ex on Valentine’s Day or their birthday is a bad idea
When you’ve broken up and especially if you’re in the no contact period, giving things to your ex will undermine your efforts. The reason behind this is simply that as of now, your ex is expecting you to be missing them and they are thinking that they’re still on a pedestal in your mind. By giving him or her gifts, it only solidifies that idea in their mind and makes it even easier for them to take you for granted.
It gives them the reassurance that you’re still around and it makes it dangerously easy for your ex to think that if ever they feel like coming back around, that you’ll be there. Though I understand that you might be into the idea of your ex understanding that you’re still there should they want to be with you, but that’s not quite how the process of getting back together works.
You see, if you want this person back in your life and if you want them to understand your value, you’re going to have to make them understand that you are not at their beck and call and that they are not on a pedestal in your mind anymore.
If you want a new relationship with this person, you’re going to have to start by letting this chapter come to a complete end so that you can start fresh and make a stronger comeback. It’s scary to let go, I know, but this is how you can build a new foundation that will be stronger than the last and will therefore ensure that you’re going to have a solid relationship that withstands the test of time.
Should you buy your ex a gift if they are still talking to you?
Another one of my clients recently asked me if he should get a gift for his ex because they had opened up communication again. He was thinking about Valentine’s Day in particular and I had to tell him what I am going to tell you right now as well. I would very much advise against giving a gift to your ex on this day, even if you’re still in contact simply because Valentine’s Day is all about feeling love. It’s a symbol of love and you showcase your love for someone…
Again, your ex is expecting you to do something for them on this day (especially if they’re the ones who decided to pull the plug on the relationship). So it’s not about, “Should you buy your ex girlfriend a gift if she is still talking to you” or “Is it to give one last gift to your ex after your breakup,” all in order to make him or her feel good or to try and get a positive reaction from them.
It will serve you much more to focus your energy on making this person see you in a new light and actually crave your attention because they recognize that life could be considerably better if they had you by your side.
Your ex might want a gift from you to feed their ego
I often come across cases in which a person’s ex will not only be expecting to receive a gift for their birthday or for Valentines Day, they’ll be depending on it so that they can feel reassured that they’re still desired even if they don’t feel the same way. It’s kind of like a play for power. The more they feel like you’re fixating on them, the better they feel about themselves.
This is yet another reason why you need to give them an electroshock by
1. Not giving into this and
2. Focusing your energy elsewhere so that you can make a stronger comeback
It’s crucial that you showcase the weight of their decision. It was their decision to end this relationship between you, do why would you still be doting on them? They decided against being in a relationship with you and receiving gifts from you is a perk of being in a relationship with you.
You don’t want to make it easy for your ex to have their cake and eat it too. Why should they get the benefits and elements of being in a relationship with you without having to commit to you? It’s not going to give them an incentive to try and be with you again because they’re getting everything handed to them on a silver platter.
What to do instead of giving gifts to your ex
So as we’ve established, thinking about what gifts to give your ex boyfriend or girlfriend” is not going to work in your favor, but there are things you can do to get the attention you’re craving…
The key to getting an ex back is showcasing that you’re able to change and evolve as a result of this breakup, that you’ve been working on becoming a new and improved version of yourself, and you’re able to focus on improving your own life. For more in-depth information on how exactly to get your ex back by using the most powerful tools, just click the link!
When it comes to what to do with the gift if you’ve already purchased it, you don’t have to return it or throw it away if you don’t want to. You can put it somewhere out of sight or even give it to one of your friends to hold on to for you.
When you succeed in getting back together later on down the line, you can give the gift then.
Now I know that each and every story is unique and you might have some questions about how to handle your situation, so please dont hesitate to get in touch with me or a member of my team by clicking here, or leave your question in the comments section below so that we can personally get back to you.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re thinking about giving a gift to your ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
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