We’ve all been there, and if you are now going through your first love breakup, you know how painful and challenging it is. The first time someone breaks your heart and destroys everything you knew and felt about love, the feelings of pain, hurt, confusion, anger, sadness and frustration are acute. Right now, it might feel impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It might feel like these emotions are going to consume you. But I am here to tell you that this too shall pass, and there are ways for you to get to the other side of this ordeal faster than you thought.
Where there is love, there is pain. People feel like they are experiencing something excruciating without a purpose, but the reality of it is that if you’re feeling this devastated, then it means that the love you experienced was equally powerful. During these moments of pain and sorrow, it’s important to remember that this pain is there for a purpose. It’s there to help you grow as an individual. I know that you probably don’t want to hear the expression “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” right now, but there is a lot of truth to this statement.
Whether you get back together with this person or not, it’s all going to work out for the best. You’re going to be OK and you’re going to learn from this, so that you can be even happier in the future than you ever were before. You’re going to be able to experience that love again, especially with the one you love. If you’re on this particular site, chances are that you’re hoping to get back together with your ex, so I’m going to go over how to bounce back from a breakup, and what steps to take if you plan on trying to get your ex back.
First love break up: How to get through it
As I was saying, right now you’re probably experiencing a whirlwind of emotions. I want to begin by saying that whether or not you want your ex back, the first step to all of this is to overcome these negative emotions. It’s going to be challenging, but this is how you’re going to lay the foundation for positive change.
You have to be careful to avoid any needy or clingy behavior, and you should not be putting this person on a pedestal ever! This is crucial when you’re going through your first love break up.
I want to warn you against this right off the bat because it would set up serious roadblocks to your recovery and to eventually getting back together with the one you love. Bear in mind that these things take time and require patience, so if you want to build something solid, it’s not going to just happen overnight.
It doesn’t matter why the breakup happened, the goal right now needs to be sustainable growth. It’s going to require longterm changes. So, if you did something that caused the breakup, or if there is something in your behavior that needs to improve, going from one extreme to another is not going to be credible.
If you want your ex back, time is needed for you to make concrete changes and improvements, and time is needed for them to heal and believe in your changes as well.
Consistency is key if you want to prove to this person that you’ve made long term changes, and not that you’re just switching things up because you’re panicking about losing them forever.
A person’s first break up is especially challenging because you’ve never had to navigate these waters before. But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to get through this! You have a plethora of tools available to you right here on this site.
Losing your first love and relationship
The feeling you’re experiencing right now is brand new to you, but I’d like you to think about it like this.
Love is a drug like anything else. When it suddenly gets taken away, you experience withdrawals.
That said, like any other drug, if you sweat this thing out, you will get through it!
Instead of fixating on thoughts like ‘My world is falling apart, this is an emotional apocalypse, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I’d like you to hit cruise control and know that this is going to get easier. There is no quick fix for the pain you feel after breaking up with your first love. It’s about time, growth, lessons, and discipline.
Growth is painful! If it was easier, everyone would be doing it, but you can set yourself apart from so many other people by looking at this head on and using it as a tool for making yourself into the 2.0 version of yourself.
Your mind and heart are muscles, which means that it’s in your power to strengthen them! This is what will turn the whole thing around and allow you to get your ex back…. Or not if thats not in your plans!
Whatever your end goal is, becoming the new and improved version of yourself, and not depending on this other person, is what will set you up for a happy and bright future.
Many people make the mistake of trying to change and make improvements because they think that it’s what their ex would have wanted. This often happens subconsciously, so I want you to be careful with this. The changes you make should be for no one but yourself. You should not be depending on your partner for anything, you should not be seeking their validation. If you do this, they will begin to see you as a prize again. They’ll start recognizing that you’re a welcome challenge.
Even if you are not your ex’s first experience with heartbreak, if you are able to move forward and get yourself together, they’re going to start to miss you and start worrying that you’ll replace them and forget about them. No matter what they said during the breakup, they also experienced attachment and a tremendous amount of love for you. When you take it away from them, they’ll experience symptoms of withdrawal as well!
At the moment, it’s not the case. Unless you’ve put space between you or have started using a tool like No Contact, chances are that you’ve been quite available to them still. When it comes to first break up advice, one of the most important things I can tell you is to avoid being at your ex’s beck and call. Don’t make it easy for him or her to take you for granted!
If you’re able to rediscover your own individual identity post breakup, you will get back on top in the balance of power. Though I don’t like to use this term, there is a power struggle between two people in a relationship. If you choose to take them back or turn the page, you’re going to have to set the foundation for something different in the future.
A breakup is the breaking up of a specific identity of an entity. If two people break up and get back together, they’re going to have to develop a new relationship together. The foundation needs to be different and therefore more solid. What’s more, you can’t invite your ex back into the same exact relationship with you because you both know how that ended. If you’re going to put the pieces back together, they need to be organized in a better, more solid way. It all starts with personal development, and you have complete control over that.
Now if the time to learn from everything that’s happened and use it to help you to develop a new identity that you can be proud of. In doing so you will restore your self confidence and your positive outlook on life, while inspiring your ex to want to get close to you again.
Think about it, they’ll be reminded of the person they fell in love with in the first place, and then they see your improvements, the 2.0 version of you will be irresistible in their eyes.
Just remember that just because this is your first breakup, it doesn’t mean that it’s your last relationship. It also doesn’t mean that it’s your last relationship with this specific person. You can still turn this thing around, should you choose to do so.
We are here to help you every step of the way, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to us right here or leave your question in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re going through your first love breakup