Most of the people that consult my suggestions are the “victims” of the breakup, and aren’t the ones that decided to separate. They would have wanted to stay together and to work through the issues, but their ex partner unfortunately didn’t feel the same way.
So I know that today’s article is a little unusual and it’s about something that doesn’t happen often, but it is nonetheless a very important occurrence with which people need some help. It should be noted that when there is a breakup, sometimes the person that was left isn’t the only one that is suffering.
The person that made the decision to leave could also feel a great deal of pain and fall into emotional depression.
As a coach, I have already heard the phrase, “I left my ex but I miss her,” multiple times and even if it doesn’t come up on a daily basis, one can feel a huge amount of regret. The real problem in this situation is while people are looking for solutions to get back together with their ex, they tend to make mistakes, become too needy, and inversed dependence inches closer and closer.
I’m sure you see how this could pose a problem…
How can one explain these changes in your feelings? What’s the best way to get close to your ex again after you had broken up with them? Will they forgive you and give you another chance? This is a period of doubt and if you want to move forward, you’ll need more information!
Why do I want my ex back after leaving her?
After weeks or months apart, you could experience an electroshock that makes you realize that leaving your ex wasn’t the best solution and that in truth you happier when they were still by your side.
Unfortunately your ex isn’t very open to getting back together with you these days, even if their feelings for you might still be present. You can’t get the person you love back simply by sending them an “I’m sorry” text…
Of course sending a message saying, “I regret leaving you and I think we should get back together” two months after the breakup isn’t going to be enough to patch things back up. A breakup never happens without reason so you’re going to have to have some conversations with your ex partner.
I know that it’s never easy to twist the knife in the wound but it’s a very important step! Explaining the reasons behind the breakup is essential for both of you. That said, be careful not to insist because it could conjure up the negative aspect of the relationship you two had.
I’ve noticed that the desire to return to an ex stems from two major elements. The first is a sincere realization that you miss them after having had the time to properly analyze the situation and to think about the issues you had had. You realize that your decision was hasty and not the right one.
Unfortunately this often happens in today’s society. Couples tend to break up much too hastily over minor issues that are easily rectifiable. The desire to be with your ex again after under these circumstances is entirely understandable.
When a person is thinking, “I left my ex but I miss her,” it could also be explained by something other than missing the person. I mentioned an electroshock that could spark your desire to get back together with your ex and sometimes when you see your ex with another person, it’s enough to make you want them back immediately.
You realize that you can’t stand to see them with someone else, and it’s not so much a result of jealousy but rather of possessiveness. It’s crucial to ask yourself what the real reasons are behind your desire to be with them again because sometimes it’s not actually about love.
I left my ex but I miss her: Love or pride?
I’d like to be crystal clear; this is in no form judgment and you have every right to not want your ex to be with someone else. Generally speaking, this is subconscious and when you eventually realize that you hadn’t been guided by love, tensions can return.
That said, you can also have a perfectly solid and happy relationship after having gotten back together with your ex because of your pride. These two elements aren’t always incompatible.
There are however various risks involved. First off, when you approach your ex (who is in a new relationship) too quickly, you don’t have the time to properly think about the issues that made you leave them in the first place, and when pride or your immediate desires guide you, you can be setting yourself up for disaster.
Before you return to your ex, ask yourself if the changes you needed have happened.
Let’s take a simple example. One of the women I worked with had left her partner because he was constantly on dating sites. When she learned that he was with someone else, she wanted him back, even though nothing had changed at all.
He continued to visit dating sites, looking for women to seduce. In the end she ended up feeling just as unhappy because she had returned to him and found herself in the same exact situation once again. Nothing had evolved.
When you decide to leave your ex and you regret it, you have to figure out how to come back stronger than before and this requires that correcting issues you had been having before.
I left my ex and I regret it: What’s the best way to approach them?
The first thing you should know is that you shouldn’t be spending your time saying sorry and asking for forgiveness. If you do this, you’ll have a tough time showing yourself in a new light to your ex as they will constantly be reminded of the past. This will block them from seeing a solid future with you.
Your ex is confused and isn’t sure about getting back together and even if their feelings for you are still present, they’re scared that you’ll just do the same thing again in a few weeks and leave them broken hearted. This is one of the main reasons why you have to have an honest conversation with them so that you can explain your intentions.
You can’t just come back and think that your ex will take you back as if nothing had happened; you have to talk and explain to them the reasons behind the breakup and your return. Make it clear that you’ve changed and that you’ve understood what needed to happen.
Make them want to be together again by showing them a new and improved version of yourself; a person that is more stable than you were in the past. If you have projects, and via social media they see that you’re doing interesting things, that you’re traveling, you’ll make them want to be a part of all of it.
After you’ve made her cry, you have to give them the stuff that dreams are made of if you want to move forward.
Your coach when realizing I left my ex but I miss her and want her back!
Sincerely,
Adrian
