I still think about my exSpending very intense weeks, months, or even years with someone automatically results in your mind focusing on them day and night. Emotions develop, memories are created; it’s a beautiful love story that you are sharing. Unfortunately sometimes the relationship doesn’t quite progress in the way we would have liked, and it ends in a breakup. Separations are oftentimes unexpected, which is precisely what makes them so hard to cope with.

Some men and women are able to move on and overcome the post-breakup heartaches very quickly. But it seems that this isn’t the case for you. You don’t want your love story to end on a false note. Getting back with your ex is the path that you’ve chosen. You should have no regrets, and you should be willing to try everything it takes to win back what was lost, in order to show this person that you love that you can move forward.

Yet there is a roadblock, and your attempt at winning back your ex is not moving forward simply because the thought of the person conjures up deep sadness, and results in making certain mistakes. I can’t tell you how many times I hear “I still think about my ex or I still dream of being together when I coach people on a daily basis. What will have to happen is a transformation of these thoughts. They must be avoided or transformed into a source of motivation for the actions that you will have to carry out after a breakup. To learn how to go about doing this, read on.

You think more about being in a relationship than about your ex!

While you believe that you are thinking about your ex and I see more and more examples of this in the coaching sessions I do on a daily basis; you are actually thinking about the life as a couple that you passed by instead of your ex. It’s not the person itself that you are missing; it is what they brought to your life, and a future that you could envision together. I don’t mean that your feelings aren’t genuine and that your desire to get them back isn’t sincere. I am simply saying that it’s very important to avoid putting your ex on a pedestal by thinking that you cannot live without them.

After a breakup, emotional dependence is oftentimes manifested, even when we are unaware of it. You want to get back into the groove of things, feel happy again, you don’t like the single life, and you feel that your ex is the only person that can make you happy. Of course it’s not surprising that all your thoughts are focused on your ex. You imagine your future with this person, and no one else.

This reveals a deep need to be in a relationship at any cost! Nevertheless, it isn’t with this frame of mind that you’re going to convince your ex to come back into your life. You must understand that it isn’t your ex that is haunting your every thought. It’s the desire and the need to be in a relationship. The moment you realize this, you will avoid making a large portion of typical mistakes, and you will steer clear of relationship-recovery “don’ts” such as harassment and pleading. Rest assured however, even if some of these harmful actions have already been made, it’s not too late to convince your ex to return.

I still think about my ex but that alone won’t make them come back.

As with any feeling, simply thinking about your ex will not be enough to boost your success at getting them back. You tend to stay locked up in your dreams and you hope that the ex that you love will just return, without you having to even lift a finger. Whether it’s because of pride, or maybe even a misunderstanding of some of the techniques needed to win back your ex, you let time work for you, or maybe you even think that all hope is lost.

The fact that you’re thinking about your ex means a lot! Of course it’s not easy to just forget about someone with whom you shared intimate moments and memories. Even a place that you often visited together or the mention of their name can bring up a surge of emotion. But if you’re here with me today, you wish for more!

This is a sign that your feelings are still present and that you must be ready to start certain initiatives to avoid having any regrets, and more importantly, to avoid remaining inactive. A big mistake that men and women often make is thinking that when trying techniques needed to win back your exit is enough to just be patient and wait, without making any effort to change the situation. You want them to come back to you more and more each day. This is precisely why it is time to take action!

Steps to take to stop thinking about them

As I explained in the beginning of this article, thinking too much about an ex can sometimes prevent you from taking action. A simple yet common example that I often see is the refusal to implement a radio-silence because you are afraid of offending, or pushing away your ex. You must understand that this action is vital and beneficial for your relationship, and it isn’t against your ex.

A key step in winning back an ex is being able to rebuild oneself after the separation. A breakup leaves painful marks and so it’s perfectly normal to have a hard time bouncing back while also being able to get your ex out of your head.

This is why you shouldn’t create a situation in which you are responsible for this issue. For example if you spend all day on your ex’s Facebook profile, if you are looking at photos of you together, if you keep their things at your place and you keep wearing their sweaters or shirts to bed; I’m sorry to put it so bluntly but you are being a facilitator in the sadness that you are feeling. You will have to take radical actions if you want things to change. You should delete your Facebook page if you are spying on your ex and therefore hurting yourself. Return their belongings to them instead of gazing at them all day, basking in the memories of your relationship.

Doing this doesn’t necessarily mean that you are turning over a new leaf and not looking o get back together. On the contrary, these types of actions are preparing you to win back your ex by restoring confidence in yourself, and establishing your own independence.

Your coach when your ex is ever-present in your thoughts.

Best wishes,

Alexandre CORMONT