Because I am asked about this so regularly, I feel that the topic warrants an article. In today’s article I am going to go over how to determine whether or not your relationship should be fought for, and how to proceed.
An interesting thing that I have picked up on over the years is the fact that we pretty much always know the answer, but it is often buried so deep beneath confusing thoughts but it becomes hard to locate it. My goal is to help you approach the situation with clarity and confidence, so let’s take a look!
How to know if a relationship is worth saving: Making the choice
Each and every relationship is entirely unique. They each have intricacies, storylines, ups and downs, and they involve many different types of personalities. For that reason, I cannot sit here at this desk and give you a one-size-fits-all answer.
I would like to be clear about that right off the bat. I can’t tell you that, “Yes! You HAVE to fix this relationship right now,” or, “No, you HAVE to turn the page and never ever look back.”
What I can do, however, is provide you with important elements to keep in mind and analyze, that will help you to determine the right course of action.
Your relationship’s future is in your hands and it is up to you to determine whether or not this relationship is worth saving. This is important to understand because the choice to save this relationship or move on needs to come from you, and you alone. Otherwise, it will impact your approach to the situation.
I bring this up because many times a person will feel pressure to choose a certain option and they end up regretting that decision because it was not really their own.
So here are signs that you can take into consideration that will help you to make the best choice for you!
Is the relationship worth saving: The signs to pay attention to
In order to help you find some clarity in this situation, there are certain indicators that your relationship is worth saving to keep an eye out for.
Throughout this process, it is of utmost importance to make sure that you would adopt the right mindset. I want you to think, “I know my worth, and I am going to make an educated decision about whether or not I should save this relationship.”
Should I save this relationship: The value system
One of the biggest factors and whether or not the relationship should be saved is how aligned your value system is. Having the same set of values is one of the foundations of a relationship that is going to withstand the test of time and all the challenges that life throws at you.
When you are asking yourself, “Is the relationship worth it and should I fight for it,” ask yourself if you two are on the same page in terms of how you see yourselves and how you see your roles in the world around you.
Do you share a common projects and life goals, do you feel aligned with each other and do you want the same things? Are you willing to work towards these goals as a team?
Some important elements to take into consideration are how are you see the future, how you want to raise your children, what values you would teach them, how you like to educate yourselves, and what the most important things are to you.
Some of you reading this might be saying that your values are perfectly aligned but it’s the little things that you two were struggling with. “We want the same things in the future but he’s always forgetting our plans,” or, “I keep catching her in little lies!”
So when it comes to being together and determining whether or not you should fight for this relationship, think about how these little things represent a person’s value system.
So when you’re asking, “Is it worth saving,” it’s not about what your partner or ex partner does, it’s about how their actions represent their value system whether that value system aligns with yours.
So if you truly feel that your values are aligned, then I would say that this relationship is worth saving. Trivial issues can be fixed, but the core values are what are set in stone.
If this relationship and this person pressure you to behave in ways and accept things that completely go against what you truly believe and agree with, then this relationship might not be the right one for you.
Is my relationship worth saving: Thinking about the challenges your relationship faces
Another useful thing to think about when you’re wondering about saving your relationship is the challenges that were present while you were together.
One of the exercises we do with our clients consists of having them write a detailed list of all the things that brought them here. I encourage you to write down all the things that your relationship was struggling with, both big and small.
Did you feel like you were being taken for granted? Was one person giving more than the other? Was it the lying? Was it the punctuality?
Outline what it is exactly that is making you question whether the relationship is worth saving. The more detailed about it you are, the easier it is to get a clear picture of the situation, and then you can begin to analyze.
The next step is to start exploring how you can solve these issues – and whether they can be solved or not! What kind of long-term solutions can you come up with that can protect your relationship in the future?
Keep in mind that we need to focus on your actions because you cannot control what your ex partner will and will not do. You are in control of your own actions, and yours alone.
Think about how you can fix a relationship in the hypothetical case that your partner is not willing to lift a finger. Once you’re back together, they will probably contribute, but the best way to cover all of your bases is to focus solely on what YOU can do.
Now, when you are exploring these solutions, if you feel that you’re going to have to fundamentally change who you are and bend on what you consider to be right and wrong, then this relationship might not be worth saving.
If you start seeing that you’re going to have to neglect yourself so that this relationship can function, things start to become clearer. You’ve got to protect yourself from this type of thing, and be especially careful with toxic relationships.
How to fix a relationship when it is clear that it’s worth it
If your relationship just needs little modifications in order to work, then saving it is a good option. We all have bad habits and things that can use some improvement, but modifications can be made. No one is perfect and it is important to remember that.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you would like one-on-one guidance on how to navigate through this challenging period and put the pieces back together in order to lay out a more sustainable foundation. My team and I can define the powerful action plan that will help you reach your goals while steering clear of common mistakes.
You can also leave any questions you may have in the comment section below and it would be our pleasure to get back to you!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are wondering, “Is my relationship or marriage worth saving,”
Adrian
