Marriage advice when you’ve grown apart

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Marriage adviceMarriages are never easy, it’s tough enough to deal with our own ups and downs and the life choices that we make along the way; having to incorporate someone else’s into our life and share a home, a family or an entire life can be even more challenging. In fact it is easier to simply give up on a marriage when the going gets tough rather than trying to fight through the tough times and look to make thing work.

Most of the time however if you are able to weather the storm and get past the tough times you realize how special your relationship is and that the bond that you have with your husband or wife is simply unique. That is why I have made it my passion to provide you with marriage advice when you’ve grown apart. In this article I will provide you with concrete tools to gain the perspective you need to rekindle with your significant other and enable your relationship to once again flourish.

Understand your partner’s frustrations and desires

In any relationship the best way to avoid conflict or at least to find a common ground in order to move forward as a unit is to develop the ability to see a given situation from your partner’s point of view. Most of the time people get so frustrated that they completely close up and only want to drill their ideas and needs into the head of their husband or wife.

You are supposed to know your significant other better than almost anyone yet as soon as a tense situation arises you forget everything about their personality, up-bringing, insecurities, fears and desires. You forget to take all those things into consideration otherwise you would be more compassionate and you would take the time to really listen to their concerns, frustration or cry for help.

Change the way that you communicate

If you are able to work on being an active listener, on putting some of your pride and ego aside in order to really understand the root causes of his or her frustrations; the entire dynamic of your relationship will change. It all starts with the ability to put your own needs aside and to control your emotions in order to understand your significant other’s frustrations.

Try to really do away with negativity and criticism. Force yourself not to use certain words that may put your ex on the defensive. Words can be powerful and if you change your approach to how you engage with your husband or wife and make a conscious effort to be positive; they will in time start to also be constructive in the way that they interact with you.

Demonstrate a capacity to be self-critical

You also will need to take some time to really reflect on the role that you have played to get to this point. It takes two to tango if your marriage is on the brink you must take accountability for your actions. Give some serious thought to what you could have done better to ensure a more stable relationship; try to dig deep into the introspection in order to identify the forces that may have pushed you to act in a certain way.

If your goal is to save your marriage you will need to also think about ways that you can remedy some of the issues that you will have identified. Concrete tangible actions that you can implement in your life that will enable you to solve some of the negative behaviors that you may have had. Then, you will be in a position to speak to your husband or wife about your realizations and showcase an uncanny capacity to be self-critical.

Don’t think that you will lose credibility or shoot yourself in the foot by admitting your wrongs because your partner may use your words against you later; snap out of such a negative mindset and in good faith really give your marriage a chance. It’s only by leading by example that you will be in a position to really make things work!
If you are able to put this advice into practice and sustain such a positive behavior you will most likely surprise your ex. At first they probably won’t believe your change but if you are able to prove your renewed intentions over time they will be forced to change themselves for the better as well. The ability to surprise your significant other is of utmost importance. By doing so, they will be forced to react in a natural or organic way; it is more likely than not that they will feel valued. Feel free to go even a step further and do little things for them out of the ordinary on the day to day!

Spend time away from each other if you have too

When the relationship has gotten so bad that you are on the brink of divorce, don’t try to force the issue by staying on top of each other. Seeking a bit of space or even agreeing on a period of separation can provide both parties with the necessary space needed to put things back into perspectives but don’t worry, it’s possible to get back with your ex after a divorce.

Don’t be afraid to move out of your house or apartment for a period of two to three weeks and live with close friends or relatives. This will enable both you and your significant other time away from your issues and each other. You may gain some insights into a problem that had been tearing your relationship apart or simply enable you both to realize how much you can miss and care about each other.

The most important elements to take into consideration when seeking space or timely separation are the following; first make sure that this time apart is a mutual decision. Discuss it with your counterpart. Second, there needs to be a pre-determined time frame in order to have a clear idea of when you will come back to living under the same roof. Third, this time apart must be for the purpose of making the relationship work, to seek a fresh start or a new beginning. Obviously it should not be OK to date other people in that time period. On the contrary it is advised to also seek some couple’s counseling to start to heal some of the wounds. Separation or space does not mean that you cannot see each other all together; it is up to you both based on your needs, family obligations and the dynamics of your relationship.

The best marriage advice when you’ve grown apart is prove your willingness to change

All and all your marriage is on the ropes because of both of your actions and the decisions that you have made along the way. If you do not change, your relationship will not miraculously improve. You must first need to be willing to change, than prove that willingness to change to your significant other over time. That is an essential component to saving your relationship and the best marriage advice when you’ve grown apart.

If you are currently going through a divorce or even if you sense that your relationship is on the brink and you are ready to do anything to save your marriage don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We are a team of love coaches who have made it both are job and passion to help people just like figure out a way to stay together with the one you love. Also feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below and one of our coaches will be sure to respond to you personally.

Your coach for marriage advice when you’ve grown apart


6 Responses

  1. The problem with me is I’ve wanted and thought about dating other men here and there over the years. Sometimes I don’t feel like having sex with my husband and now that it’s out in the open with my husband I’m not sure that’s what I want after all. I know what is at stake: the family we have crated and I still feel love for him, but I’m afraid this other feeling will come back again. Any advice??

  2. What is your opinion on V type of relationship whilst living in the same house? My husband will divorse me as he has lost his feelings for me and he is in love with another woman. He said he doesnt mind if i live with them. Its best for the baby and i am considering to go for it and try to live together. I also secretly hope that his feelings for me will return one day and we will have few oprions. I am bi sexual, but she’s not as far as i know.
    Do you think living in the same house in this situation is healthy thing to do and is there any hope of rekindling our feelings for each other? Thank you very much for your help in advance. I am not in a position to book a session with you at this time. I’m in a really big struggle overall and will be happy with any bit of advice you can give me. Thank you and God bless you.

  3. My husband left 4 weeks ago, initially saying he needed a break. Said he didn’t think we had anything in common, maybe we never did. We’ve been together for 13 years and that was devastating to hear. But, he also said maybe we should see a Marriage Counselor, maybe we date to see if that spark comes back (for him) … although just a couple of weeks prior he was still calling me the love of his life.

    Since he’s left, he’s become cold and distant. Rarely picks up the phone or responds to texts and is basically curt and mean when he does. In the beginning he would still say he loves me but now he won’t say it at all.

    During this time away, I’ve really come to understand some of the things he’d said about needing to live for hi,Self and not others, as well as what he means by us not having anything in common (although not 100% true, I know what items he means). I started seeing a counselor but of course, cannot ask him to see one given he won’t speak to me.

    So, how do I get him to see these changes in me and these realizations I have when he refuses to see or talk to me? I just feel the distance is pulling him further away and he’s just accepting his thoughts of “being done” with our relationship, divorcing and moving on?

    1. Hi Lydnred,
      I’m sorry to hear about everything you’re dealing with. Your situation is complex, and I don’t feel like I have enough information here to work with. I invite you to consider scheduling a one-on-one coaching session, where we can discuss the intricacies of your relationship and turn it around.
      Coach Natalie

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