People often think that the end of a relationship means that the feelings disappear, and that the 2 people that had been together are now strangers to one another that have no trouble whatsoever ignoring each other. This isn’t the case at all. More often than not, the relationship doesn’t just evaporate into thin air overnight. There are some couples that continue to sleep together after the breakup, there are some people that start working on trying to get their ex back, and other couples that remain good friends. Basically, a breakup doesn’t always put an end to exchanges between two ex-partners..
Nevertheless, there are some strange types of behavior after a breakup. Strange, yes, but completely understandable when you take a closer look! Jealousy is often present in relationships but surprisingly it can also show up between exes. Despite the breakup, there are still some reflexes that a person continues to have, and this puts you in an odd situation. The woman you had been with is still acting jealousy and you don’t know how to react.
In our topic today, you’re not the jealous one; it’s your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend that is experiencing these feelings as he or she is trying to come back into your life. Despite the separation, you are witnessing an emotional situation that is present in thousands of relationships: my ex is jealous.
Remember, after a breakup there are certain reflexes that are still present. You had spent passionate months or years together with your ex boyfriend or your ex girlfriend, so it’s normal that not everything stops at the moment you break up.
You were maybe thinking that your ex was going to turn the page and stop this kind of behavior, but to your surprise the situation is quite the opposite. It’s becoming harder and harder to understand what’s going on and why your ex is acting like this.
Why is my ex jealous? Is it a good sign?
People often ask me, “My ex is jealous, is this a good sign?” because lets face it, even if you aren’t interested in moving forward with the relationship with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, you still want to know what their actions mean and how it reflects their feelings about you.
After all, everyone wants to know if someone is in love with them, and when an ex is coming back around if it’s a good sign. I’ll be the first to say that an ex’s jealousy can be considered a good sign, but in this article, I’ll elaborate on why it isn’t necessarily always something positive.
My ex is jealous, does he or she want me back?
The first explanation for this behavior could simply be that your ex hasn’t forgotten you, and that he or she doesn’t know the proper techniques for communicating his or her feelings to you. When your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend sees you with another man or woman, whether it be in person or on social media, he or she gets mad and then approaches you, it’s likely because you’re ex feels like they’re losing control of you and the relationship. For those of you who come from controlling relationships generally (with this particular ex boyfriend or girlfriend), than the below explanation will really pertain to you :
Sometimes people feel the need to control everything, and this can also explain an ex’s jealousy. Maybe she or he still feels that you are “hers” or “his” and it’s not malicious; it’s merely subconscious. Seeing the man you love with some other chick or the girl of your dreams with some new dude, seeing that he’s liking pictures of girls in bathing suits on Facebook, or seeing his lascivious poses on social media are far from pleasant. Therefore, if your ex is creeping around and exerting a sense of jealousy, it’s because they feel themselves losing the power.
However, love also may have a lot to do with why your ex is jealous. When a man is in love or a woman is in love, it’s understandable that they wouldn’t like the idea of you seeing someone other than them. Even if you aren’t really doing anything, sometimes even just a conversation within comments on a Facebook picture can push your ex over the edge.
Your ex is likely expressing this sort of jealousy to get a reaction out of you. It’s easier to throw a fit of jealousy than to declare your love to your ex. So your ex is trying to send you a message! They want you to chase them. Needless to say, they don’t want you to move on, and they want to make sure that they still have the option to get back together if they do so decide. I’ll explain later on in this article why allowing for this isn’t always the best idea when it comes to handling an ex who is jealous.
An ex’s jealousy doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she is in love with you
“My ex is jealous so he’s in love with me” is another thing that I often hear in one-on-one coaching sessions with my clients. But, this isn’t exactly true! In fact, assuming this might be one of the bigger mistakes people make when interpreting the actions of their ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend. I’m not saying your ex doesn’t love you anymore but in reality, your ex girlfriend’s jealousy or ex boyfriend’s jealousy just isn’t enough to signify that they’re in love with you. Be mindful of this! Always dig beneath the surface. Why? Because this kind of reasoning can lead to making some serious errors in love.
Once again, this concerns both men and women; you think that you have your ex under your thumb and you consequently don’t make efforts to keep the seduction alive. Even worse, you might be changing your attitude and this could be affecting the rapport between you two.
Jealousy isn’t only brought about by feelings associated with being in love. It’s often the person’s ego; meaning your ex’s pride, that causes it. Your ex isn’t necessarily still in love but seeing you with another person sets him or her off, creates an electroshock, and it makes him or her come back around. In certain cases, even if you’ve been separated for years, even just hearing that your ex is seeing another man or seeing another woman can make you think and start questioning things.
You should never rush and think that their feelings have returned overnight. Take your time and if their return or their jealousy is making you feel good, you shouldn’t immediately give them another chance thinking that everything is starting over with the snap of your fingers.
It’s important to point this out because a lot of people just want to make their ex jealous no matter what. Sometimes it’s effective, but other times it doesn’t work because seeing you with another person makes your ex decide to move on. So be careful to not make this mistake.
How can you tell the Ex is jealous : 3 signs
If you aren’t quite sure about whether or not your ex boyfriend is jealous or if you’re ex girlfriend is jealous, here are three signs that are pretty good indicators of jealousy:
1. When your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is jealous, they may start texting you or calling you insatiably when you’re out with friends or if they think you’re seeing a new person. So, if your ex now has you on speed dial, its a great sign that your ex is jealous
2. If your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend is stalking your social media (and maybe even being bold about it!) then this is another huge indicator that your ex is jealous because they are still in tune with your “new” life and how you’re going about living it. They’re still trying to have a sense of control!
3. If your ex is asking friends about you and what you’re doing, then this is another way to identify that your ex is jealous. Many people may overlook this sign, but don’t. Why? Because not only are they delving into discovering what you’re doing, but chances are, they want you to find out that they’re snooping. They want you to know that they care. They think this will indirectly get you to call them. Be mindful of this!
How to react to your ex’s jealousy
When an ex is jealous you don’t quite know what to do. It’s perfectly normal to feel slightly confused when faced with his or her behavior, but you can do the right thing. You generally have two solutions: one, that you agree to play their game and you decide to no longer see other people.
Yes, it’s proof that you still care about your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend and you want your ex to be the one that returns. You don’t want to be in another relationship but the only slightly negative thing is that this looks a lot like emotional dependence. You’re making it look like your ex controls your life and you’re not even together anymore.
Two, as you’ve probably already figured out, is the complete opposite. You make even more distance between you. You can of course be in contact, but this doesn’t hold you back from doing what you please.
You could do this on purpose to make your ex feel frustrated and show him or her that you’re aware of their outbursts, or you don’t care about what he thinks and you want to move on from your relationship.
When an ex gets back in touch or when realizing that my ex wants to see me again; it translates to good signs regarding your attempt at getting back together. However, you shouldn’t think that everything is back to normal and under control just because your ex is having jealous outbursts.
In fact the best thing would be to reinforce it, using precise well-thought-out actions that I can explain to you in full detail in a coaching session.
Should I play into my ex’s jealousy?
I know that a lot of the men reading this article want to get their ex back once and for all. I also know that some of you are using jealousy as a tool to succeed in your endeavor, whereas some of you are just trying to live your life without having realized the effect that your actions were having on your ex-partner.
We often think that jealousy is proof that your ex is still in love with you and that if she or he are acting like this it’s means that they’re dying to jump your bones… If you’re still stuck in this mindset you didn’t understand the first part of this article. Remember, your ex may very well still be in love with you, (and it’s very likely that this is the case,) but this didn’t stop them from leaving you so why would they come back? Ask yourself this question, people!
Thinking, “My ex is jealous” doesn’t guarantee that they’ll come back and if you want to change things you’re going to have to use this to your advantage and use proper techniques.
I also would like to point out that using jealousy as a technique for getting back together isn’t the way to go because you start playing with fire. If you’re seeing a woman just to make your ex jealous, and you tell him or her, “I love you please come back…” Don’t be surprised if they do the same thing with another person. When you want to get back together it’s best to focus on the most efficient actions that you can read about in full detail in this eBook.
The coach to trust when realizing that my ex is jealous