You’ve just gotten a message from your ex asking if you want to hang out and grab a coffee this week. Ohhhhh man… What do you do? What does it mean? Do they miss you? Do they want you back? Should you say yes?!
I think it’s pretty safe to say that your head is filled with these types of questions right about now. When you realize, “My ex wants to hang out,” you need answers and you need them now! Fortunately, you’ve found this article because I am about to tell you everything you need to know about this type of situation. It’s a delicate moment, and you don’t want to lose control of the situation. Your ex is being vulnerable right now, and you’ll have to be careful to keep the odds in your favor…
Perhaps you’ve been working on trying to get your ex back, or perhaps you’ve just been out of touch. So how come your ex reached out? Let’s take a look at what’s going on here and how exactly you should react!
Before you consider hanging out with your ex, think about this…
I know that you’re already thinking about how it’s going to be when you two meet up, but I want you to take a moment to consider if you’re ready to hang out with your ex or not.
Before you do anything, ask yourself if you’re emotionally ready to hang out with an ex. Breakups are extremely painful, and I know that you’ve suffered because of it. It’s so tempting to try to be closer with your ex again regardless of the cost, but if you’re actually working on getting back together, you have to make sure that you’ve been seriously working on taking care of yourself. This is especially true if you know that you had struggled with being emotionally dependent on your ex.
If you haven’t done the work to heal from the breakup and haven’t begun working on becoming the best version of yourself, hanging out with ex partners can actually seriously damage your odds of getting them back.
Why? Well it’s simply because you can show needy or clingy behavior, while handing all of the power back over to your ex. It’s all too easy to make it easy for them to take you for granted.
But more on that in a moment. Simply put, before you start hanging out with your ex, you have to make sure that you are the best version of yourself, and that you are happy with the life you’re creating for yourself. This especially pertains to anyone hoping to get back together with an ex.
That said, even if you’re trying to move on, you have to make sure you’re emotionally ready to hang out with your ex. If not, you could set yourself way back and cause yourself a lot of unnecessary pain. The most important thing is to make sure that you’re healing and not doing anything that could impede that.
I’ve been using no contact and my ex wants to hang out…
First things first – if you’ve been using this technique and you’ve just learned that your ex wants to hang out with you, you’re doing something right!
As you know, one of the goals of this tool is to make your ex miss you and become curious about what you’ve been up to.
Now, the fact that your ex wants to hang out doesn’t automatically mean that he or she wants to get back together, but it means that you’ve been on their mind and they want to see you… Which is positive!
The important thing right now is to gage where this falls on your timeline. Basically, were you nearing the end of your no contact period or would it be premature to see him or her right now?
If you feel that it would be a good time to get back in touch, then go for it. If you want to learn some of the best ways to get back in touch after no contact, click here.
If you need to wait a bit longer, that’s exactly what you should do.
Not to burst your bubble or anything, but if you’ve been using this tool and you’re thinking, “It’s so cool that my ex wants to hang out… He/She is realizing that they miss me,” it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be a date. It’s crucial that you view this meeting as “being friends!” Solid relationships take time to build and the worst thing you could do would be to rush this phase! Each time you spend with each other will build on the last one, so don’t let yourself get carried away and approach the situation as if you were back in the relationship.
Also, whatever you do, don’t refer to this meeting as a “date” to your ex. They’ll put up walls immediately and run for the hills.
Even if you’re thinking, “I’m still in love with my ex,” the key is to start things slowly. See each other during the day for coffee and try to avoid alcohol or anything that could impair your judgement. Keep in mind that you are supposed to be creating a new relationship with this person. I know that it’s tempting to start hanging out with your ex all the time, but you have to keep things balanced. Start things off with friendship (without falling into the friend zone of course).
You are entering the phase of re-seducing your ex, so you have to present yourself as an exciting challenge! If you want to find out how to re-seduce him or her, check this out. Start by building up the complicity between you. Make sure that you’re having a lot of fun together and that each meeting is positive. Don’t begin talking about the breakup and how much you suffered because of it.
Talk about the positive changes you’ve made in your life, the fun new things you’ve been doing, and the exciting things you have planned on the horizon. Remember, you want to inspire your ex to want to spend more time with you – not remember the hard parts of your previous relationship and breakup. Conversations about your breakup will inevitably come up, but don’t bring it up right away.
Now, I know that this isn’t the only situation that someone reading this article might be in… So what happens if you’re thinking, “My ex wants to hang out but they aren’t single…?”
My ex wants to meet up but they’re in a new relationship…
When you’re thinking, “My ex wants to meet up but they’re dating someone new,” there could are variety of different possible explanations. Oftentimes, when an ex gets with someone new right after the relationship, it’s nothing but a rebound relationship. Simply put, it’s a distraction from the pain of then breakup, and truth be told, these typically don’t last very long at all.
If your ex is in a rebound relationship and wants to hang out with you, it may mean that he or she misses you. They might have realized that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and they were happier with you. Asking you to hang out could be their way to getting close to you again.
Other times, and ex might miss having someone that knows them very well. In addition to the romantic side of your relationship, you’ve developed a close friendship as well. When we break up, losing that bond is one of the most painful elements. Even if your ex has moved on, they might miss that friendship with you.
But what if that isn’t what you want?
My ex wants to be friends but I want more
This is a common dilemma that I find in my coaching sessions. People often come to me saying that they ex wants to be friends but that’s not enough. My client doesn’t want to be friend-zoned and they most certainly don’t want to be friends with benefits.
It’s true that many people think that being a friend, or even a friend with benefits is the perfect way to ease into getting an ex back, but the truth is that it makes it harder. You see, when your ex begins to see you as their buddy, the element of seduction and excitement begins to evaporate, and you need these things if you want to make your ex fall for you.
I’ve written many articles on how to get your ex back, but also how to stay out of the friend zone. To find out more, I encourage you to click the links!
I am always here to help so don’t hesitate to leave any questions in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when your ex wants to hang out