If you’ve been hoping to get back together with your ex, finding out that they want to talk can fill you with all kinds of emotions. You could feel super excited that he or she wants to talk, but you could also feel quite nervous. What do they want to talk about? How should you act? What if it’s during your no contact period? As a coach specialized in love and relationships, I wanted to write an article for you today on what to do when you find yourself in this type of situation.
There are various do’s and don’ts that you’re going to have to keep in mind when your ex wants to talk, but fortunately you’ve found an article that is going to go over exactly how to handle this. I recently spoke with a client who told me about how she ran into her ex who clearly wanted to talk, but she froze. In today’s article, I’m going to go over what to do in this type of situation so you can remain in control. Let’s say that your ex is clearly open to talking, they aren’t rude, and it seems like they’re trying to get or stay on your good side, even though they are the ones that broke up with you…
So what do you do when someone broke your heart, but now sees you out and wants to feel your affection for them and wants to feel like you’re still close? What do you do when you’re trying to get them back so you want to dive in headfirst? Let’s take a look at how to navigate this thing together…
Talking to an ex after they broke up with you
As we begin this article, I would like to go over the biggest things to avoid in this type of situation. When a breakup occurs, it can act as a catalyst for very important change. It highlights how much you feel for your ex, and what elements of the relationship weren’t working. For many people, it ignites a spark that makes them begin to evolve and make longterm changes. It is possible to go through a personal transformation and many people that I talk to realize quite a bit of things after a breakup. They learn so much about themselves, the relationship, love in general…
They now have a purpose, which is of course getting back together. What I want to highlight right now is that your ex was not presented with that same opportunity and may not have that same purpose right now. Their purpose might not be aligned with yours right now; they could be working on healing and reinventing themselves.
They might be trying to have fun and experience new things while you are trying to salvage the old relationship. You need to be careful right now because you cannot assume that they are on the same page. You don’t want to overwhelm them. When an ex wants to talk, I don’t want you to immediately dive into talking about the breakup and how badly you want to be together again.
If you overwhelm them and expect them to be on the same page and immediately believe your words when you say that you’ve understood and changed, you’re going to push them away.
When you break up with someone, it means that you two need space and can no longer be happy together. It’s a last resort when a person believes that they’ve tried everything and the relationship just isn’t salvageable. But for you, it’s not over and you want to prove him or her wrong.
When you’re talking to an ex, you instinctively want to talk about getting back together. In all these years spent coaching, I see so many people make the mistake of prematurely trying to prove to their ex that they’ve changed and that they’re worthy of a second chance. Keep in mind that your ex is going to skeptical right now, so trying to talk them into giving this another chance is not the right way to go.
If you’re familiar with our philosophy, then you are aware of the importance of giving your ex space after the breakup and working on yourself. When your ex wants to talk, you’ve got to ease into things.
Don’t try to prove to them through words that you’ve changed, focus showcasing your evolution through concrete actions. You can talk about the things that you’ve been doing that convey the fact that you’ve changed. In the process, your ex will come to the conclusion that you’ve made serious improvements.
Don’t tell them; let them come to the realization on their own. If an ex is going to take you back, it is crucial that they feel like the idea came from them!
Ex wants to talk: How to get in control of the situation
I know that right now you’re thinking, “I want to talk to my ex,” but I can’t stress the importance of not trying to prove anything to them enough. Don’t try to win them back, don’t try to excessively apologize or continuously talk about the breakup. More often than not, you’ll just hand all the power back over to him or her, no matter how things ended.
Instead, I want you to work on putting them at ease and making sure that the conversations and time they have with you are enjoyable and positive. You want to start replacing the bad memories linked to your breakup with good ones that will help shape the way your ex sees the future. Show your ex that you two can interact without any conflict or drama, that they can laugh with you, and focus on having a good time.
As you do this, you’ll start to notice that your ex’s walls will start to come down and with time you will start to re-seduce them and make them fall for you again.
When you begin talking to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend again, don’t dive into trying to convince them that they should be with you the first time you speak or see each other. If you want this to develop into something solid, you’ve got to give it time and let it develop naturally. Rushing things can be very damaging to an attempt at getting back together.
My goal is to help you understand the philosophy behind how to find balance so that you can find the best way to get your ex back. The rationale behind what I’m telling you will empower you to coach yourself through this entire process and when you’re back together. Take your time and good things will happen!
Another thing I want you to keep in mind is that if this is the person that broke your heart, you are also going to need to stand your ground and not go running back to him or her right off the bat.
There needs to be a bit of mystery, and you need to spark the feeling of wanting to get closer to you in your ex. This is especially true if you are in your no contact period!
Sometimes I work with clients who tell me that they run into an ex and feel like he or she needs wants to feel some kind of reassurance that they can still get close if they wanted to. This is common phenomenon when you’ve been using the no contact rule on them and they’re starting to feel insecure about your feelings for them.
So let’s say you run into your ex somewhere and he or she clearly wants to talk, but you’re still in a period during which you need to keep your distance. What do you do? My advice to you is to engage in short conversation without being rude, but disengage quickly.
If you’re working on getting an ex back, they are going to need to understand that you’re not at their beck and call anymore. This can help to develop a feeling of desire for you. They can’t just have you whenever they want to and decide to talk with you when it’s convenient for them, simply because they want your attention.
Your ex doesn’t get to have their cake and eat it too. You’re working on yourself now, you’re making positive changes and concrete improvements, and they don’t get to have you at their beck and call. With time, once you determine that it’s appropriate and think, “I want to talk to my ex,” you’ll know how to remain in control of the situation.
Remember what I said above: keep things positive, fun, up lifting. Don’t talk about wanting to be together and missing your ex. Make sure you highlight the changes you’ve made in your life and talk about things that show your ex that you’ve evolved.
As you know, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here, or to leave your question in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when your ex wants to talk