When a breakup takes place between you and the person you love, your mind is flooded with all kinds of thoughts and emotions. You’re feeling hurt, lost, heartbroken, frustrated and confused, and it seems like your ex is on your mind at all times. Everything around you reminds you of him, and all you want to do is talk to him and find some reassurance. The problem is that it seems like he just could not care less!
He’s distant, busy, nonchalant, and somehow doesn’t seem to be affected by the pain of this breakup. Is it possible that he really doesn’t care or is he pretending? Does he not realize the gravity of the situation at the moment or is this just how he’s going to feel about the break up from here on out? I know that your head is swimming with questions right now, so I wanted to write an article on why guys act like they don’t care after a breakup. In addition to giving you the reasons behind this type of behavior, I want to provide you with some tips and tools that can change things for you. The situation is painful, but it doesn’t have to stay that way…
Why you guys act like they don’t care after a breakup: The truth
I have been a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together for many years now. I work with people on a daily basis who come to me with a wide range of different challenges that they are facing in terms of getting their ex boyfriend or girlfriend back, so you can imagine how many different types of problems we solve, and how many patterns we notice in human nature.
The fact that your ex acts like he doesn’t care means that he’s having a very common response to the breakup. This means that I see this type of behavior in ex partners every single day. So why is that? Why do guys act like they don’t care after you break up when your heart is so clearly shattered?
Why do guys go cold after break up: The varying responses to heartache
It’s interesting to note the difference between men and women after breakups. For most women, the pain of the heart break is felt almost instantaneously. It feels very raw and the painful reality of the situation is at the forefront of their minds. Men, on the other hand, typically feel the aftermath of the break up later on down the line.
This is why you might see your ex-boyfriend going out all the time, having fun with his friends, and looking like he is really enjoying the single life right after you break up. This makes it even more frustrating for you because you’re wondering about how men feel after a breakup and it just looks like your ex loves his newfound freedom. Sure, it doesn’t do anything to boost your ego, but I want to bring your attention to the fact that the negative emotions do surge up at one point. In the majority of cases, the negative emotions associated with the heartbreak are felt immediately by women, but they really surge up for men later on down the line – often more acutely.
It happens for the vast majority of men, and it is even more likely to happen if he sees that you are actually doing really well… but I will expand on that in a little bit.
You act like you don’t care: Defense mechanism
Another very common reason behind why guys act like they don’t care after a break up is simply that it’s their way of hiding their emotions. If you think about it, we have been raised in a society where men are taught to be tough and that “boys don’t cry.” A lot of guys refuse to show any signs of weakness, and even if his heart is actually really broken, he might pretend not to care and effort to save face. He doesn’t want anyone to see how affected he is to the pain of the breakup.
By the way, a lot of people make the mistake of assuming that the person who chooses to end the relationship doesn’t experience pain. Well, I can confidently say that that’s not true. There are so many negative emotions that confront a person who chose to pull the plug on a relationship like pain and disappointment in the fact that things didn’t work out, guilt for hurting someone they care about, and overall disenchantment with the entire situation. But so many guys bury any signs of heartbreak because they always want to be tough.
So it might look like men don’t care when in reality they are just making it look that way. It would be unrealistic to assume that your ex doesn’t feel bad to some capacity. It never feels good to hurt someone you care about, and to hurt yourself by letting go of something you had put your time and energy into.
But now it’s time to look at what we can do about it…
Why men act like they don’t care after a breakup and what you can do about it
I know that when your heart is broken and you are feeling vulnerable after a breakup, it becomes dangerously easy to feel like you are easily forgettable and that your ex doesn’t care. It can be so frustrating to think “Why doesn’t he care?” When you are being faced with so many painful emotions. It becomes a negative spiral because the more it seems like he doesn’t care, the worse you feel.
If you are wondering if men hurt after a break up, the answer is yes – they are just sometimes pretty good at hiding it or postponing having to face these emotions.
So what do you do when someone shows you they don’t care after they break up with you?
Using the NC Rule when it looks like he doesn’t care
When a person acts like they don’t care after a breakup, it can unfortunately mean that they are taking your presence in their lives for granted. The good news is that there is a very powerful technique that can help you make your ex see you in a different light and realize your importance.
The technique I’m talking about is called the no contact rule, and it consists of cutting all forms of communication with an ex partner for a predetermined period of time three weeks to one month on average. Up until now, your ex has gotten used to having you around. They feel confident that they have access to you if they should need anything it makes it dangerously easy to take you for granted. This is especially true if you had placed him or her on a pedestal.
By using a tool like the no contact rule, you give your ex an electroshock that makes it clear that you have taken him off that pedestal and that he is not a priority in your life anymore. Keep in mind that it is basic human nature to want something back that is abruptly taken away from you, even if you had been taking it for granted.
In addition to this, it is crucial that you act like you don’t care and that you are busy living your life to the fullest. This is the key to success when using this technique. You have to actively work on becoming the new and improved version of yourself so that you can boost your self-esteem and start to feel more independent in your own life.
For more in-depth information on how to use this effective technique, I encourage you to read this article on harnessing the power of the no contact rule.
At the end of the day, your goal is to become the new and improved version of the person that your ex fell in love with, while making it clear to him that your life does not revolve around him. In doing so, you will spark his interest, you will make him curious about what you’ve got going on in your life, you will make him realize that he was taking you for granted, and your new and improved life will inspire him to want to be a part of it. All of these things together will make your ex want to get close to you again, and you will see that even if he acts like he doesn’t care right now, that will all change.
I know that it’s hard to understand why guys go cold after break up, so you just need to switch the power play and show him that you are just making serious improvements to your life right now, and he will realize that he could be so much happier by your side.
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Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are wondering, “Why do guys act like they don’t care after a break up”