The waves of emotions that follow a breakup can make it very difficult to figure out what exactly you are feeling deep down. When you go from being sad to angry, to confused, to empowered, to heartbroken all in the span of one day, it’s tough to figure out what exactly you feel for your ex.
That said, it is important to pinpoint what your exact feelings are so that you can determine the best plan of action. I have written this article for you today to help you figure out whether these feelings for your ex are rooted in love or something else. This is a very common topic that I deal with every single day. In fact, I had a coaching session with Craig this morning who asked me, “Am I still in love with my ex? Is there any way to know for sure?”
He needed some help in exploring his feelings so that he could determine whether he wanted to pursue getting back together with his ex-girlfriend or start working on turning the page. Today’s article will explore some different ways to determine what exactly you are feeling, and then I will go over the best way to proceed based on your specific situation.
Am I still in love with my ex or is this something else?
When you are in a relationship with someone for an extended period of time, you begin to develop a routine together. You fall into a rhythm with this person and when you separate, it can feel very foreign.
The vulnerability a person feels right after a breakup is one of the main reasons behind why they might wonder if they are still in love with an ex. It’s perfectly normal to crave your comfort zone, especially when you have been forced out of it.
Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend did become your comfort zone because you have spent so much time and energy building this relationship with them. Now that it’s over and you feel that you are craving their presence, it comes as no surprise that you might be wondering, “Am I still in love with my ex” or even “Why and I still in love with my ex?”
First things first, this is nothing to be ashamed of. Having romantic feelings for a partner after a breakup has taken place is one of the most natural things in the world! If you didn’t have a strong emotional reaction to the breakup, then the relationship wouldn’t warrant thinking about giving it a second chance.
The thing we need to be very careful with here is called emotional dependency. I want to bring this up right away because it is very common, and very dangerous.It can be defined as feeling an absolute need for your partner to be with you in order to be happy. This phenomenon is actually one of the leading causes of breakups in today’s day and age because it damages the foundation of a relationship.
Healthy relationships that withstand the test of time are comprised of two individuals with independent lives that share a relationship in which they help each other to become the best versions of themselves.
So if you’ve found yourself thinking, “I am still in love with my ex” I invite you to analyze your response to this question:
Do you crave your ex’s presence because do you truly believe that this is the love of your life and you want to build a fulfilling future together, or are you feeling that you cannot find a sense of purpose or happiness without this person in your life?
Now to clarify, you can experience for both real love and emotional dependency at the same time, but you’re going to have to take care of the dependency part before you can pursue it balanced relationship with this person that is going to last.I will go over that in a moment, but let’s look at some ways to answer your question of “Am I in love with my ex boyfriend or girlfriend!”
How do you know when you are still in love with your ex
Being in love with an ex is not uncommon at all! As a dedicated love and relationship coach, I work with people every single day who want to get back together with their ex partners. It is my job to give them tools that they can implement in their daily lives that will help them to make the necessary changes that enable them to be happy and fulfilled in their love lives for the rest of their lives.
So you can imagine how often I speak to people who are still in love with their ex boyfriends or girlfriends. It actually happens countless times every day.
So let’s take a look at how to tell if you are still in love with an ex, or if you are just struggling with your newfound single life. Many people hate being single because it makes them feel too vulnerable, so this is something we need to factor in.
Am I still in love with my ex partner: wanting the best for them
Sometimes a person might feel like they are still in love with an ex want them back, when in reality they just don’t want to be alone. In some cases, the person might subconsciously not want their ex to be happy without them.
A good way to know if you truly love your ex, is to look at how you would feel if you knew that they were happy in their lives now. Would it make you happy to know that they are happy, even if they are with someone new? Or would it hurt your ego and make you upset that they seem to be doing better than you after the break up?
If you feel that you only want the best for this person, even if it means having to let them go, then you can rest assured that you feel pure love for them.
Still in love with your ex: seeing a future with them
Another sign that you are still in love with your ex partner is when you still envision your future with them. You know in your heart of hearts that this is the person you want to be with and you are willing to do what it takes to make positive changes that will make a future together possible.
If the thought of raising a family or working towards common life goals with this person fills you with a sense joy, it’s safe to say that you still love them.
Not wanting anyone else when you’re in love with your ex
It’s normal to not want to be with anyone for a while after a breakup, but if you realize that your ex is the ONLY person you’d want to be with, it can be an indicator that you’re still in love.
A lot of people are confused about their feelings of love for an ex because the breakup was a very painful one that left them feeling very wounded. So they wonder, “How is it possible that I still love my ex after everything that has happened?”
The thing about love is that it doesn’t disappear overnight, especially if it took a long time to develop.
What to do when you’re wondering about being in love with your ex
At the end of the day, you usually already know if you’re still in love with an ex or not. We all have a little voice inside that will tell us the truth if we really listen. And I will say this – if you’re reading this article right now, there is a very good chance that you’re in love with your ex husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. The fact that you’re seeking out information on the subject means that you’re experiencing some emotions that wouldn’t be there if you didn’t care!
So that brings us to what exactly we can do about this.
One of the most powerful solutions available to you for getting an ex that you love back is the no contact rule. If you have read other articles on this website then you have probably heard of it, but for those of you that have not, the NC rule consists of cutting communication with your ex for a predetermined period of time that depends on details of your relationship and break up.
It is most effective in situations where two people broke up not that long ago. It’s really powerful because it can give your ex an electroshock that makes him or her see you in a new light, but if you’ve been broken up for something like two years, then there is another technique that would be more appropriate for your situation…
For more detailed information on how to use it, I encourage you to click the link, but I’ll summarize. By writing a letter to the ex that you still love, you accomplish a couple different things. First of all, you will surprise this person (especially if it’s been a while since they’ve heard from you). On top of that, when you receive an actual handwritten letter from someone, you will be more inclined to read it. Think about it, would you rather read 15 text messages from someone or an actual letter that they wrote to you?
You will also be able to organize your thoughts and present them in a productive, non threatening way. If you read the article in the link, you’ll learn that the handwritten letter is not about professing your undying love to your ex and begging them to take you back – it’s actually about showing them that you’ve understood what needed to change and that you’ve made concrete changes in your life.
I know that each situation is entirely unique and you probably have many questions about being in love with an ex, so please don’t hesitate to reach out for one on one coaching. You can also leave any comments you may have in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are asking, “Am I still in love with my ex?”
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!