Dealing with a breakup is no walk in the park. As an expert in love and relationships, I work with people struggling with breakups on a daily basis and I know that it’s very hard. We tend to get frustrated and impatient, and we just want to get to the other side of this ordeal. That is why people often turn to outlets like partying in order to help them get over someone, but that is not always the healthiest way to handle the situation.
When it comes to dealing with a breakup, there are a few tools that I give my clients that help them to bounce back as quickly as possible, in the healthiest way possible. Because I am asked on a daily basis how to deal with a breakup, I wanted to dedicate an article to it. I’m going to go over the best ways to come out of this on top and how to set yourself up for success in your future relationships, whether you’re planning on getting back together with your ex or not!
I know it seems very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but believe me when I say that this is all temporary. You are more in control of this situation than you might think, and by the end of this article, you’ll have a better understand of what steps you can take starting today to bounce back!
Dealing with a breakup in healthy ways vs unhealthy ways
When somebody breaks your heart, whether you’re the one that made the decision to leave or not, you’re bombarded with a slew of emotions. They range from hurt, to anger, to confusion, to deep sadness and frustration. It might even feel like each day you’re experiencing a new negative emotion, and you just want to do anything to numb the pain.
This is when I see a lot of people turning to outlets that aren’t that great for their long term well-being.
For example, I often see people turning to drugs or alcohol, endless nights of partying, and maybe even rebound relationships that they don’t actually want. The problem here is that the short term relief that they might feel from these types of distractions can actually negatively affect their longterm goals.
Let’s say that you have specific professional goals and you know that you need to get ahead at work. You’re feeling miserable because of your breakup, so you turn to wild nights out. The result however, if that you end up hungover every morning, which impedes your ability to be efficient with your work and therefore reach your professional goals. If this become a habit, it becomes a problem.
Instead, I always encourage my clients to be goal oriented. Define a longterm goal, and then work backwards. Figure out where you want to be in a year. So, where do you need to be in six months? In one month?
Having a goal in mind will help you to get out of this current funk, and it will give you something to work towards. Make sure that the things you are doing right now will get you closer to your goals, and not farther away.
Coping with a breakup by turning it into an opportunity
I know that it might not seem like that right now, but breakups can be enormous blessings in disguise.
A breakup is a huge wakeup call, regardless of whether or not you want to get back together with your ex! They highlight what changes need to be made in your life in order to become as happy as possible in the future. They can also be a catalyst for change because you needed this type of electroshock to get up and start making concrete improvements to your life.
This is why it’s so important to not let yourself get buried by this breakup. Don’t forget that you are in control of the situation and how much power you’re going to allow it to have over you.
You have the choice of either sitting around on the couch, eating ice cream, binge watching shows, or getting up and going out and actively improving your life.
The first thing I would like you to do is to grab a sheet of paper and start making a comprehensive list of things that make you happy. Think about your friends and family, think about passions, places you like to go, music you like to listen to, scenes in movies that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside… anything that makes you feel good.
Next, write a list of goals you’d like to set for your future – whether it’s physical fitness, travels, getting ahead at work, remodeling the living room, anything! These should be weekly goals, but also daily goals.
Then I want you to start brainstorming ways to make these goals a reality, and think about how exactly you can incorporate these things into the lives of OTHERS as well.
It doesn’t have to be a giant gesture; it can be as simple as saying hi to someone on the street or bringing cookies to the office for everyone. When you’re dealing with a breakup, think about what you can do to make your friends and family members happy.
Give your grandma a call to see how she’s doing, invite your friends over for movie night and popcorn, go surprise your parents with dinner. Think about what kind of charity work you could do! There are so many people that are in need of kindness, and you’ll see that in focusing on helping others, you will start to feel very different. You can even go volunteer at a local animal shelter!
In making others happy, something very interesting begins to happen. Not only do they feel fantastic, so do you. You will be reminded of how important you are to people, and how much of a positive effect you can have on the lives of others. When you go through a breakup, it’s easy to experience a sort of tunnel vision and fixate on the loss of your relationship and the hit your ego took as a result.
When you take all that energy and turn it into something positive, you’ll begin to feel more and more in control, and you will start feeling better and better. Work to actively dedicate time and energy to your short term and long terms goals, and make the effort to make other people happy in the process.
Dealing with a break up when you want to be with your ex again
As I alluded above, handling breakups in relationships in a healthy way remains the same whether you want your ex back or not.
It all starts with personal development. Not only will this benefit you now while your heart is broken, it will benefit you later on down the line. You will be setting yourself up for much more happiness in the long run.
When it comes to your ex, once you’ve found happiness and a sense of well being, he or she will be much more inclined to want to get closer to you. Think about it – if you’re sulking and throwing yourself a pity party all the time, your ex isn’t going to be that inspired.
Now if you’re able to present yourself in a new light as the new and improved version of yourself, something will click in your ex’s head. You’re going to remind them of the person they fell in love with in the first place, and now you’re going to be the 2.0 version of that person! This will make you irresistible.
The way to reach this point with an ex is to use one of the powerful techniques available to you on this website. For example, there’s the no contact rule, which consists of cutting communication with your ex for a certain amount of time while you work on yourself and allow his or her curiosity to peak while they begin to miss you. For more in depth information on this technique, I encourage you to click the link.
Whether you want them back or not, right now is the time to shift your focus to making yourself happy, making others happy, and setting challenging and goals. As long as you stay busy in the process, you WILL achieve your goals and maximize your chances of success!
As always, we are here to help, so please don’t hesitate to leave your question in the comments section below, or reach out to me or a member of my team directly by clicking here!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re dealing with a breakup