How to succeed in winning back the one you love when you work together? How can you implement a successful radio silence when you see each other every day at work? How can you get your ex back when you work for the same company, or ifeven worse, if your ex is your boss?
Yesterday morning I received an email from a woman who asked me, “Alex how can I get back with my ex if we work together? What’s the best way to achieve my goal if I can’t do a radio silence?” I wanted to write an article on the topic to ensure that many of you could from my response or advice in order to succeed in getting back with your ex even if your professional life forces you to see them on a daily basis.
Since 2007 I have helped over ten thousand people, which means that I’ve seen every possible scenario when it comes to people looking to salvage their relationships. When you’re in a “unique” situation, like when you work with your ex, it’s easy to feel lost and unable to carry out the proper actions because you’re afraid that one false move will put an end to all your hopes.
However my advice remains more or less the same; you will just have to adapt it to your current situation. By repeating, “I work with my ex, I don’t know what you do,” you will hold yourself back from taking action and control of the situation.
In this article, I will provide you with advice and techniques that you will be able to adjust to your needs. I also invite you to leave me comments below and I will be more than happy to respond to you!
Is it possible to create a sense of distance when I work with my ex?
The majority of people that contact me in this situation say that the hardest thing to do is implementing a radio silence when they work with their ex. I understand that this technique isn’t easy under these circumstances. You will have to adapt your approach based on various techniques to get back your ex.
If Radio Silence isn’t really an option because you have no choice but to communicate with your ex for professional reasons, you can simply create a sense of distance between you that doesn’t necessarily involve complete silence. You can just communicate what is essential in a professional manner. This means that even if they try to be funny, don’t give in. You must remain polite, but cold.
You have to conduct yourself in a simple manner, without flashing enormous smiles to your ex, and without showing them that you want to chat in a way that a “normal” colleague would.
Initially I suggest that you go against the norm and maintain a larger amount of distance between you and your ex. Then you should work on dialogue based on your ex’s attitude and when you feel that you two are able to talk with a true sense of affinity. This is what love coaches, like my partner Adrian call The Push and Pull Technique. We are in an observation phase and we make our moves based on the actions of the person we have in front of us.
Taking distance from your ex and colleague is certainly possible, but it isn’t directly linked to classic radio silence because we don’t have the option of completely severing contact. The goal is to show that you are at ease and to little by little unveil a positive energy that will become more and more prevalent.
Communication will naturally come back and you won’t have to try a method like writing a handwritten letter to get back your ex. You have a chance to see your ex every day and we are going to take advantage of it to showcase your ability to change.
How to recreate a bond with an ex who is also your colleague?
As I’m sure you’ve already understood, I am suggesting that you take a very substantial step back and to not behave as if you’re looking to reestablish a bond too early. Experience has taught me that when we work with an ex and are close to one another, a bond will organically come back into play. Not only thanks to other colleagues, but mainly because of the closeness that already exists between you.
There is no need to force anything, to create stress or to pull a “kamikaze” move because our goal is to be patient and to slowly reopen dialogue to let a rapport naturally return. It’s imperative to not tempt fate or to over analyze the question “how can I get back with my ex if we work together?” Au contraire, you must be able to exercise patience when confronted with this situation.
You have to be cautious with your feelings because oftentimes when a bond returns between you and an ex, there is a surge of emotion that can result in saying too much; or even the wrong thing. Be careful, because this is one of the main pitfalls when looking to get back with an ex. I suggest that you just carry out normal conversations. Your goal is to show to your ex that you’ve changed, and also that distance has allowed you to rebuild yourself and to find happiness; and that you’ve been able to do some self-analysis. If you feel that this is, or is going to be hard for you, I invite you to schedule a coaching session as this could be a determining factor in your quest to win back your ex. Don’t underestimate the importance of this step!
Remind yourself that it’s not your ex, but only a colleague that you’d like to charm as if it were the very first time. The main rule here is to not talk about your past, your relationship, or your feelings, and avoid physical contact. You will have to take it upon yourself to maintain tangible distance, and this may even result in your ex wanting to make a move first!
How can I get back with my ex if we work together and changing jobs is out of the question?
There are people that say, “I work with my ex and we wage war even though deep down we love one another”; and they are looking to be set free from this stalemate. The situation can become unbearable especially when it happens on a daily basis. Perhaps when you separated you were already on each other’s nerves. Under these circumstances you are going to have to muster up all your courage and proceed with a very specific method that I refer too simply as: “mutual understanding.”
This method involves taking into consideration what your ex thinks, and to make sure that you don’t contradict them constantly. This way you can show that you would like to alleviate the tension that exists between you. This means that you will be showing your ex good intentions and will consequently draw your their attention to the fact that their actions may be destructive as well.
When handling a messy or a crisis situation, you will have to maintain a reassuring, benevolent nature, and avoid raising your voice when you two are speaking.
You should also use words and ideas such as, “I know that you feel that this is a waste,” and/or, “You have every right to be angry and hate me, but we need to at least be cordial to one another at work…”
The idea is to diffuse the bomb before being able to nurture a more serene and respectful relationship in the future.
Even if you ex is the most stubborn person on the planet, you will be able to facilitate easier communication once you’ve shown efforts and goodwill. If you’ve been in conflict with one another for a long time, don’t expect everything to be fixed within just a few weeks.
Working with an ex isn’t always simple, especially because conflict can have an even larger effect on your every day life. On top of that, you will have to deal with the gossip from certain colleagues that can’t resist making comments. I suggest bearing the brunt in order to show to your ex that you really aren’t looking for a fight and that you’re trying to establish harmony between you. You will have to take the time to act when you are ready, and then the doors will be open to a new and natural complicity between you and your ex.
The relationship expert to reach out too when looking to get back with an ex that you work with.