One of the most stubborn questions we receive from clients is, “What if my ex never reaches out to me?” Clients are always afraid, or reluctant, to let go of the reins and let the universe steer for a while. They do not want to give up control of the situation and put it in the hands of whatever force moves people to do what they do. They are convinced they if they don’t do something about the situation this instant, their ex is going to be gone forever.
“I have to prove to them that I want them back!”
“I’m showing them all the love and affection a person could ever want!”
“I’m doing everything to change for them!”
On it goes. And even after all that. After all the effort they are making to get their ex back, they can’t gather an ounce of faith or confidence to believe they will get back with their ex.
However, some of our clients have good reason to feel this way because they are dealing with a very hard-headed and stubborn ex who won’t listen, won’t compromise, and simply won’t give them the time of day to even consider the thought of getting back together. If you’re in the “my ex is stubborn” camp, the situation is a little more complex than simply getting back with your ex. You’re going to have to break it down and wear your ex down little by little and step by step. For now, it isn’t quite “how to get my ex back,” instead, its “how to make a stubborn ex come back”.
My ex is stubborn do i have a chance?
In addition to needlessly preoccupying yourself with the possibility that their ex may never reach out, some clients make their lives more unpleasant by needlessly worrying if they have a chance to get their ex back, or if there’s any chance they could learn how to handle a stubborn ex, or that their stubborn ex will come back or consider coming back. This question doesn’t make sense because it presumes that you are only going to take action towards getting back with your ex if there’s a chance. You might be saying, “Well of course! Why would I waste my time and energy trying to accomplish something that won’t happen, especially if my ex is too proud to come back?”
My answer to that is that you may not want your ex back as much as you think. Did you court your ex only because someone told you that they liked you and thought you were hot? Did you get with them because you knew it was in the bag? Chances are that you didn’t. At some point, somebody had to initiate the romantic feelings and the pursuit that followed.
In the beginning, you had to get someone who didn’t know at all to give you a chance and get them to a, like you as a person, like you as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend, and c, get them to fall in love you. It honestly doesn’t get any more stubborn than that. Provided you didn’t do something that was REALLY bad (we’re talking capital crimes, here), then there’s ALWAYS a chance.
Don’t forget that your ex is human, too. You may have put them on a pedestal or created an idea in your mind about how they are the best thing that’s existed since sliced bread. But they’re still a human being with the same mental and emotional mechanisms as you and me, and still susceptible to the ideas and techniques that we have developed.
It’s difficult to learn how to handle a stubborn ex because they want to show everyone else that they are sticking to their decision, following through and doing what they said they were going to do. But I reiterate, your ex is still human, and as long as your relationship-past wasn’t abusive or traumatizing, your ex is going to find it very difficult to simply forget about it as if it never existed.
4 steps to know how to get back with a stubborn ex
1/ Never try to make your ex reason with you. Truth will not get him/her back
At this point, consider your ex an immovable object. And as is most characteristic of stubborn people, they will not give credence to anything you say, even if it is the truth. In figuring out how to make a stubborn ex come back, any attempts at reasoning are going to come off as if you’re begging and seemingly desperate. This will not help your case and only make you look more unattractive than you already seem to them.
2/ Forget about the old relationship, create a new relationship friendship and chemistry first
Your stubborn ex’s perception of your previous relationship will also carry over into the future. If you are saying, “My ex is stubborn,” and finding it difficult as it is to change their mind about you, you won’t have much success doing it with regards to your old relationship. You therefore need to start something new and fresh with them. A clean slate, untarnished by the relics of your past and shared history. If you establish a new dynamic by showing them you’re a new and improved version of your old self.
3/ Showing your changes (concrete actions that changed your life)
One of the biggest causes for the derailment of a person’s attempts to get their ex back is that they always try to TELL instead of SHOW. This is key in knowing how to make a stubborn ex come back and relates back to my previous point of trying to reason with your ex. Screaming the truth into a megaphone won’t work on a stubborn person. I’m being hyperbolic, but its only to illustrate the merits of “speaking softly, and carry a big stick” When you are showing and demonstrating the concrete, real-life changes that you’ve implemented, you’re letting all of that do the talking. A stubborn person doesn’t want to be talked at or talked to. So just don’t. Be a showman instead!
4/ Take your time! the time to attract your ex and never speak about engagement
You have to take a yin and yang approach when dealing with a stubborn person, especially an ex. Butting heads with them won’t work so you need to be somewhat of a polar opposite. Learning how to make a stubborn ex come back doesn’t mean to lie down and let them walk, or worse, plow all over you. But you need to counteract their stubborness with an easy going nature and not force things, or to be more specific, be stubborn yourself about the situation. So take your time and be focused, but patient. Being patient, means you’re being cool. And if you’re being cool, you’re being level-headed. And level-headed means rational and reasonable.
My ex is being stubborn should I give him/her a chance
The unfortunate part of knowing how to make a stubborn ex come back is that in your journey towards reconciliation, things can veer from olive branch offerings to shots across the bow and then all-out war. You might be saying, “my ex is so stubborn” but if you’re not cautions and let your emotions and your own stubbornness get the best of you simply to prove a point or to keep your pride in tact, your efforts may backfire on you.
And to what end? Sometimes, when dealing with exes, we have to be willing to give a little wiggle room and be willing to bend, ourselves. We have to give them a chance or an opportunity to have them come around. And if you truly love this person, you will do your best to exercise patience and have a little faith in them.
If push comes to shove, however, you always have “No contact” at your disposal. We tell our clients that as counterintuitive as it may sound, sometimes the only thing people – especially the most stubborn ones – react to are a willingness to walk away.
This may lead you to wonder, “What if they never react to ‘No Contact’? What if they never reach out?” These questions make a person hesitant to whole-heartedly implement “No Contact”. But you have to ask yourself, why would you want to be in a relationship who isn’t willing to get out of their own way and let their stubbornness and pride derail their own chance at happiness? At what cost does keeping your ego in tact make it worth it?
So keep the end-goal in mind, always. But do not focus so intently on immediate results towards that goal. You’ll miss the forest for the trees and get sucked into your ex’s stubbornness. Remember that with a stubborn ex, it’s going to be a marathon, not a sprint. You need to chip away at them carefully and patiently. You need to exhibit yourself in a different light in their eyes, so that they see they are not dealing with the same person. You need to let your stubborn ex realize on their own that there is a chance for you two to have a happy fulfilling future together. Your best bet is letting an ex reach the conclusion that you are already aware of.
We are skilled and well-equipped to help you deal with how to make a stubborn ex come back. Just give us a shout!