Ah, love. Love can make us feel the highest highs but also the lowest lows. The emotions we experience following a breakup can send us on a roller coaster of feelings ranging from hatred and frustration, confusion and heartbreak, and nostalgia and a deep sense of sadness to name a few. Because these emotions are so complex, we have created this website for you and our goal is to give you the tools you need to coach yourself through this challenging period.
We work with people every single day and I often use these coaching sessions as inspiration for the articles I write for you. Many people are in the same types of situations so there are various questions that I am asked on a regular basis. The topic of this article is one of these subjects. Just two days ago I was speaking with Carl who told me, “I hate my ex but I also really miss her. What does this mean and what am I supposed to do now?”
I am going to go over why this happens, what you need to do in this type of situation, and what types of actions you need to avoid at all costs – especially if you’re actually hoping to get back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s a tricky situation because there are so many feelings involved, but rest assured that by the time you reach the end of this article, you’ll have a much better idea of how to proceed!
I hate my ex but I’m also feeling confused about my feelings
If you’re reading this article then it means that you have very negative and very positive emotions associated with the same person. You’re thinking “I hate my ex” but at the same time you’re realizing that you sorely miss them.
So how can two opposing emotions both exist in your mind? Well, first things first, the opposite of love is not hate. It is actually indifference.
When a person can get such a rise out of you, it means that you have quite a slew of emotions for them. If they didn’t have this effect on you, then you wouldn’t be feeling love for them either. The reason why people end up hating an ex is usually because the love is still in there, too. So when this person does something that hurts and upsets you, the feeling is amplified because they really matter to you.
If it was someone you didn’t really care about, their words and their actions wouldn’t have much of an effect on you. That is why people often wind up in a situation where they’re experiencing such conflicting feelings.
So when you’re thinking, “I hate my ex right now,” let’s take a look at some of the things to avoid doing that could hinder your attempt at getting back together.
I really hate my ex right now: The things to avoid doing!
When you’re feeling angry and frustrated towards someone, it can be so tempting to want to talk about it and share your emotions with those around you. But this brings us to the first no-no when it comes to restoring a relationship.
When you’re angry at your ex, frustrated with what he or she did and how the relationship ended, it’s perfectly normal to want reassurance and reinforcement. Simply put, you’re feeling like, “I hate my ex girlfriend or boyfriend” so you want to feel better and you know that defaming your ex in your conversations with your friends and family can help with that… at least temporarily.
While it’s perfectly normal to feel the need to let these frustrations out and to talk badly about your ex when they hurt you, it’s important to remember that this type of thing can come back to bite you later on down the line.
If there is even just the tiniest part of you that wants to restore the relationship between you and get back together with this person, it is crucial that you avoid talking badly about them to your friends and family! Your friends are going to support you and back you up on this, but think about how this will be in the future if you get back together with this person. How is it going to be when you want to reintroduce your ex into your inner circle of friends?
If you’ve already told your friends “I really hate my ex because of X Y and Z,” just stop now. Instead of talking trash about your ex, start restoring the way they see him or her.
If you get your ex back and all your friends hate this person, you’re constantly going to be met with opposition and things are going to be a lot harder for you than they need to be.
In addition to this, if you’re already working on getting back together with your ex and word gets back to them that you are bad mouthing them, things will become significantly more difficult. You will be undermining the trust and support that you need to be building between you and your ex.
What to do when you hate your ex, know they’re not good for you, and want them back anyway
Now there is a different type of situation that presents itself from time to time in my private coaching sessions. A person will come to me saying, “I hate my ex wife or ex husband because of everything they did that hurt me, but I am still thinking about getting back together. What do I do?”
If you are thinking this right now, it means that you are very conscious of the dynamic in the relationship and the situation you have before you. You are fully aware of the fact that this person is not good for you… in fact, this person might even be toxic.
I bring this up because sometimes a person will come to me saying that they hate their ex because they’re toxic, and yet, they’re still in love with this person and want to be together. I wanted to include a section on this in this article as well, because I know that there are so many different types of situations that people are dealing with on a daily basis.
If you know in your heart of hearts that you are dealing with a toxic person, or a narcissist (someone who tries to feel better about themselves at your expense), the best course of action is going to be to move on. It is normal that you would still be experiencing nostalgic feelings towards this person because love does not disappear overnight, but if this person is not going to be a positive addition to your life in the long run, it is best to close this chapter.
Even if you make a valiant effort to become the best version of yourself, toxic and narcissistic people generally tend to continue the same patterns as before. Despite the fact that you love this person, you owe it to yourself to move forward and to be strong. I know that this is one of the most challenging things a person can deal with, for being strong now can ensure your future happiness.
It frees you up and that allows you to find someone in the future who is capable of giving you everything that you give them. Even if you’re thinking, I’m still in love with my ex even though they continuously hurt me,” it’s important to focus on your own well-being and give yourself the opportunity to move forward.
There is a difference between a toxic person and someone who is just upsetting you throughout the course of the breakup. We all make mistakes and if the reason for your anger towards your ex is not rooted in a recurring theme, then you can work towards forgiveness and creating a new dynamic between you. On the other hand, like I said, if you are dealing with a narcissist or a toxic person it is time to move on.
I hate my ex-husband or wife: How to start feeling better
The weight of these frustrations can be overwhelming, especially when you are trying to move forward. Whether your ultimate goal is to get back together with this person or not, you’re going to have to figure out a way to release these negative emotions. When there is resentment towards someone, it will undermine the foundation of your relationship. So I know that you might be thinking, “I still hate my ex” at the moment, but there are some things that you can do to start releasing these emotions.
Physical exercise when I hate him or her
One of the first things I recommend to my clients in this situation is to become very physically active. Physical exercise, especially when it is vigorous physical exercise, can release your frustrations and clear your mind. If you stay cooped up inside, ruminating in all of your frustrations towards your ex, they’re only going to become amplified with time.
Sweeping your emotions under the rug is never a good call because they will only continue to grow beneath the surface. If you want to rebuild a strong relationship your Ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband, you’re going to have to make sure that you can restore the bond between you.
At one point you are going to have to talk with your ex about their actions that had a negative effect on you, but you need to make sure that you are coming from a positive frame of mind. If you go into this in attack mode you can end up doing more damage than good. Communicating about the break up is a stage that comes much later on, and we can help you determine when exactly that should be. For now, the priority is getting rid of this hatred you feel.
Writing it all out on paper when you hate someone
In addition to physical exercise and learning how to release negative emotions, it is also really important to remember that a relationship is a two-way road and that there are things that you did that contributed to this breakup as well. Your ex might have done something that really upset you, but the longer you point the finger the longer the recovery process is going to be.
Relationships that withstand the test of time are partnerships in which both people feel like teammates instead of opponents. If both of you are constantly in opposition to one another, playing the blame game, and are incapable of taking responsibility for your own actions, this process is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be.
Another helpful tool is to write down your emotions. I encourage you to write down everything you feel and everything you want to say to your ex-partner, and then rip it into pieces. Again, you will talk about this with him or her at one point, but the goal right now is to release these frustrations. The simple act of writing your thoughts down and help you to feel significantly lighter.
When you really hate your ex because of what they did or how they act, you will need some time for your emotions to settle back down. This is why I always stress the importance of taking your time with the process of getting back together with someone. If you rush it, you run the risk of doing or saying the wrong thing and subsequently making the divide between you two much bigger.
When you hate your ex but still want to be together
The process of getting back together with an ex partner is very complex but entirely possible. It’s all about being very honest with yourself, exercising patience, perseverance and motivation. Time will be required for your feelings to calm down so that you can approach the situation in a calm and productive manner.
We are all human and we all make mistakes, and it is up to you to be honest with yourself about whether or not your ex is going to be continuing the things that made you feel so upset.
Once the proper foundation has been laid and you are no longer thinking, “I hate my ex,” then we can start working on how to reestablish contact with your ex, how to discuss what went wrong and what solutions need to be implemented, and how exactly to implement the solutions in the future.
How can I show them I changed when I hated my ex?
If you are feeling that you hate your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend right now, it is very possible that he or she is feeling the same way towards you. This obviously is not going to help you get back together, so you might be wondering how to show this person that you changed and are ready to move on from the tensions between you so that you can restore something fulfilling… so how do you do that?
When your ex cuts you off because they are angry with you, you panic at the idea of not getting the chance to show him or her that you’ve changed. You have to admit that it’s hard to show your ex the new and improved you when you keep thinking, “My ex hates me,” or “All hope is lost!”
This is exactly why you have to start working on an effective action plan, and as this articles comes to a close I wanted to leave you with a few more pointers.
The first thing you can begin revealing is the new things you’ve brought into your life on social media. This is a great way to get a reaction from your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. Make some of your posts public (if you unfriended your ex) and don’t hesitate to change your profile picture. The same goes for WhatsApp, because I’ve seen that this is one of the best ways to get a reaction from an ex who isn’t into Facebook or Instagram.
Then I suggest that you make sure that your friends and family take note of the changes you’ve made, because word can travel down through the grape vine and reach your ex. This will put you back into a position of power, so don’t hesitate to let your social circle help you!
Your friends will pass the message along! If you have friends or colleagues in common or a good relationship with his or her family, these people can help make your ex want to get back in touch with you.
Because the process of getting back together with an ex partner so complex, I highly recommend that you get in contact with me or member of my team. By asking you targeted questions we can help you define a clear-cut action plan that Not only will help you digest your current emotions, it will help you to reach your goal in the fastest way possible.
It’s tough to go it alone, so I really want remind you that we are here to help guide you from A-Z. We can tell you which tools should be implemented at exactly which moments, in addition to what tools would not be appropriate for your specific situation
It is our goal to make sure that you find happiness in love, so if you have any questions at all please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you are thinking I hate my ex so much
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!