My boyfriend wants to take a break what do I do?

my boyfriend wants to take a breakWe often wonder what the best solution is when facing serious recurring problems in a relationship. Making the right decision is no small matter as you’re risking flipping your entire life upside down. So you’re facing a real dilemma. Should you rethink the entire way in which you communicate, or should you go with something as radical as a breakup? Your boyfriend has decided to take time to reevaluate, without fully putting an end to your relationship just yet. He of course loves you but the idea of a future together is rocky and so he needs some time to think things through.

This is why he’s decided to take a break. Even if it might be a way for him to ease you into a full blown breakup, know that you still have a chance to stay together and revamp your relationship! The thing is that you’re going to have to make some radical changes and to really work on yourself. When you think to yourself “my boyfriend wants to take a break” it can be the perfect electroshock you needed to do what needs to be done in order to put the pieces back together and turn your relationship into what it once was.

Taking a break in a relationship; Is this a good idea?

When fights are becoming more and more intense and you’re agreeing less and less, but breaking up seems way too drastic, there is a middle ground and most people refer to it as simply taking a “Break”. It’s a balance if you will between ending a relationship and continuing while pretending that everything is fine.

It’s certainly not the best solution but it has its advantages. When it seems too radical to break up after the smallest disagreement or misunderstanding, some people choose “the lesser of two evils.” By this I mean they choose to take a break, to still leave the door open or a kind of second chance.

Nevertheless, when you hear that he wants to press pause, you probably begin to question everything but not necessarily in best way. When a girl says, “my boyfriend wants to take a break” the fear that becomes predominant can lead her to make some big mistakes.

I only know it too well because after all these years that I’ve been coaching couples in similar situations, there is always a recurring theme! Interestingly, it’s most often young couples that I encounter that find themselves in this position; but there are certain exceptions.

If you’re ready to accept criticism and to use it to improve, then a break could prove to be very beneficial. But if it’s the opposite and you can’t stand criticism, or think the entire world is out to get you, it would probably be best to end the whole thing now. This could also help you avoid suffering after a breakup while transitioning from deception to serious depression. To put it in simpler terms if the person you’re with just likes you for your nice backside and is using this as a way to manipulate you, then I think it’s preferable to rip the tape off in one swift motion, to let yourself heal and rebuild instead of prolonging the inevitable while suffering more and more psychologically. I know it sounds a little cartoonish, but I can assure you that the pain I see in some women after a breakup is far from pleasant. So a piece of advice; don’t let anyone psychologically damage you. Maybe I’m an idealist, but I feel that everyone has the right to be loved, and heartache is all too common. I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody.

Why not just break up?

There is a sizeable difference between breaking up and taking a break. For some people, they feel that these two things are one in the same, but I can promise you that this isn’t the case.

I explained that taking some distance between you two isn’t always a bad thing, but I haven’t yet explained what a “break” really means.

It isn’t just a question of making space, and then coming back when he feels like it. No, it’s a way to draw attention to your relationship, and to the problems that currently exist within it. When you’re in the thick of it, you are often flooded with emotions that can prevent you from thinking clearly. You need to take the time to think, to breathe, and to revitalize, in order to make the best possible decisions.

By deciding to take a break, your boyfriend isn’t ruling out reconciliation. In fact, most of the time he’s convinced that there’s a way to still make it work. A real breakup is definitive; when you hear the words “it’s OVER.”

Breaking up with someone isn’t always the best option, and you can end up with a broken heart while blaming yourself for weeks. If you want to bring your ex to regret his decision, we will have to analyze the situation, and find the best solution for him to feel happy by your side.

My boyfriend wants to take a break; does he still love me?

The main concern that men have when wanting to take a break from their girlfriends is that their partner could recover better and faster than they can. They’re worried that if they break up and their women find someone new, then they will be left alone feeling like idiots. So they opt to simply take break, to give them time and keep their options open.

So to answer your question, yes! He still loves you. However, he’s considering giving it another shot but you need to take the reigns. Of course you shouldn’t harass him and constantly tell him how you feel. Take this as an opportunity to take a step back; your goal should be to put in place an inverted dependency. This means that whatever you feel, he will also have to feel as well.

By letting him know that you need space, and by putting distance between you (not necessarily physically; but emotionally) you could awaken a fear of losing you. Don’t let tears get the better of you, show him that you are strong and he’ll be running after you in no time!

This is not the time to use communication as a means to show your ex that you want a second chance, because he won’t be open to dialogue. He doesn’t want words anymore; he wants to see tangible changes. So be subtle as you make him understand that he’s been wrong to doubt you and that you are willing and able to make real changes.

I know you don’t want to break up (otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now) but you also need time and space to reflect. A break in a relationship could be the solution that changes everything.

The coach to turn to when my guy wants to take a break

Best wishes,

Adrian

  • Lilli

    So what if you feel as if your not in a relationship anymore and you don’t want to lead this person on? I suggested taking a break with my boyfriend because I feel as if I’m drifting and just going throw the motions. I care for him as a person but not as a lover. But this break is to test this feeling. Was it a good decision? Because to him it seemed to be terrible, but I am also his frist serious girlfriend and I’m afraid he is just in the “first love stage”

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Lili,
      Thank you for sharing your story. If indeed you feel that you are only leading him on and that you don’t want to be together I think that a clean breakup could be easier for both parties…giving him hope and leaving him in limbo is actually only making things more difficult!
      If you feel that you need help to talk things through and figure out where you stand emotionally and if you are making the right decision — feel free to reach out! It would be my pleasure to help!
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Gina

    My boyfriend asked me for a break 2 months after he proposed to get engaged 🙁 … He found an sms conversation with my ex…a completely innocent conversation. He told me several times during our 1 year relationship that he wanted me to stop talking to my ex but i kept talking to him (not frequently though…) cause I felt guilty that i left him and i wanted to be kind to him until he recovers. Anyway since that day we were fighting almost every day and i was crying every day cause he was cold and distanced to me…and tonight he told me he wants to stay alone for some time cause he wants to see if he can trust me again, if he will miss me, if he really wants me in his life. idk what to do.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hello Gina,
      I feel your pain, and understand why you are afraid that your actions may have ruined everything! But do not despair, I truly believe that we can make things right…
      I recommend reaching out to me in order for us to chat during a one on one coaching session over the phone. I will provide you with a plan to win him back quickly. It will be centered around giving him time and space to miss you (yes, he will miss you!) and also writing a carefully crafted handwritten letter to him with key messages in order to (1) prove to him that you acknowledge your mistakes without appearing too needy, (2) that you will change for real this time, and (3) to prove to him that you can make him happy!
      I sincerely hope to hear from you soon in order to help you achieve your goal.
      From my heart to yours,
      Adrian

  • Sydney

    My boyfriend broke up with me or should I just call it a “break” a month ago. He told me that he really loves me but it’s just not the right time for him to be in a relationship right now with all the stress that he has and stuff that’s going on in his life. He told two of my friends that he still wants me in his life and that he doesn’t want to lose me. Basically I’m confused right now since we see each other everday at college we hanged out once he says he’s still not sure what he wants and wants us to focus on our studies but at the same time he doesn’t want to lose my presence in his life. He acts hot and cold too. What I’m asking is do we have a good chance of getting back togethet or not?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Sydney,
      You absolutely still have a good chance of getting back together, and I know this because of his actions. The fact that you guys are still close, that he still seeks to spend time with you and that he is telling other people that he still wants to be together — are clear positive indicators.
      Now I would love to have the opportunity to speak with you in order to have more insights on your relationship! This would enable me to put together the best possible game plan in order to make him beg to get back together…
      Depending on the dynamic of the relationship and what you tell me, it may entail seeking space and acting as if you are prepared to move in order to get him to react (the fear of lose can be a powerful thing!)
      I sincerely hope that you will book a one on one coaching session over the phone in order for me to ensure that you are provided with the best possible plan.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Annabelle Holmes

    My boyfriend asked for a break 3 days ago. I got mad and deleted him that night. We’ve talked since then and have had an honest text conversation about things yesterday. Said we need to prioitize other things in the relationship because we both felt like fwb and that we were both doing what we thought we both wanted but neither actually wanted, which has been a big issue. Then he said it was rushing things moving in and i was glad we got to actually talk about some of the issues and explain what we wanted in a relationship. So i went to add him on Facebook again and he put single after i deleted him and i was kinda hurt and text him angry message. But i still love him and i put single too because he did. He is sending me mixed messages. Do u think he really wants to work things out and put single because we are on break or that he really wants to break up? Cuz idk what he wants at this point. (Gave him a week or two time limit for break too only, cant be in limbo forever.)

    • CoachAdrian

      Hello Annabelle,
      Thank you for sharing your story with me and apologies for not getting back to you sooner; I have simply been overwhelmed with coaching requests which I must prioritize.
      First of all I think that you were yet another victim of social media…I can’t stress enough how necessary it is to base your reality or important decisions linked to your relationship based on what happens on FB.
      I think that you two can work things out, and that your relationship was simply hindered by communication issues (highlighted again by what happened with the relationship status on FB). I believe that you are also dealing with other insecurities and personal things that I would love to address with you in private. As long as you are not at peace with who you are and where you are in life, your relationship will always be volatile.
      I sincerely hope that you will book a one on one coaching session with me so that I can help you turn things around and reach your goals.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Elizabeth

    My boyfriend said he wanted to go on a break a week ago because of our long distance relationship. We’ve been together for 10 months and we are only 1-2 hours away but haven’t seen each other for one month. I asked him if he loves me he said he doesn’t know even though he said it back to me 6 months ago (i said it first) and I asked if he sees a future with me he said he doesn’t know we haven’t seen each other long enough to know if we are compatible but he might. I agreed to take the break and he said it might be best. I sent him a text saying I wanna work this out I’ll give him time but we should work on our communication because I had no idea about this til he said he wanted to go on a break and also to make more of an effort to see each other. He agreed and said he would like to work on the communication and a friendship back up and he’s sorry he blindsided me and the I love you without meaning it, it wasn’t his intentions he panicked when I said it to him and he hasn’t said it to anyone before. He changed his relationship status to single and he hasn’t texted me or called me. Idk if we are done or not and I don’t wanna keep texting him I’m worried I’ll push him away. I wanna be with him I was willing to move to be closer to him and then this happened. Idk if what he said was true about working on this since he hasn’t texted me and he apparently didn’t mean “I love you too” idk if he likes someone else, got scared, or doesn’t want to be with me

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Elizabeth,
      Unfortunately I think that you boyfriend is not telling you the whole truth; he may simply be distancing himself slowly but it doesn’t mean that you cannot win him back!
      I would urge you to reach out to me and to book a coaching session in order for me to explain to you how you could use reverse psychology to shift the tables and make him chase you.
      I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.
      Best,
      Adrian

  • Dakota

    Coach Adrian,

    I am so very confused as to what I should do and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been exclusively dating for 7 months now and we are very much in love with one another. We have been disagreeing on just about everything these past couple months and finally it came to ahead about a week ago and he asked to take a break. I was opposed to the whole idea in the beginning and then I really thought about it and thought maybe this could be a good thing. I am an emotional rollercoaster as it is so for me this is not easy! I asked what this break consisted of and he replies that we should not communicate for a while so he can find clarity in all of this and push feelings aside to think logically. In the back of my mind I completely agree but on the surface I am scared to lose him. I have seen him twice only for a short period of time since we decided on this “break” and he kisses me and still says he loves me and needs time. I know in my heart that he is genuine and would never do anything to hurt me as far a being with other people goes, so that is not an issue by any means. I know he still loves me and I still love him but this not talking thing is driving me bonkers..

    any suggestions?

    Thanks

  • Dakota

    Coach Adrian,

    I am so very confused as to what I should do and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been exclusively dating for 7 months now and we are very much in love with one another. We have been disagreeing on just about everything these past couple months and finally it came to ahead about a week ago and he asked to take a break. I was opposed to the whole idea in the beginning and then I really thought about it and thought maybe this could be a good thing. I am an emotional rollercoaster as it is so for me this is not easy! I asked what this break consisted of and he replies that we should not communicate for a while so he can find clarity in all of this and push feelings aside to think logically. In the back of my mind I completely agree but on the surface I am scared to lose him. I have seen him twice only for a short period of time since we decided on this “break” and he kisses me and still says he loves me and needs time. I know in my heart that he is genuine and would never do anything to hurt me as far a being with other people goes, so that is not an issue by any means. I know he still loves me and I still love him but this not talking thing is driving me bonkers..

    any suggestions?

    Thanks

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Dakota,
      Thank you for reaching out! The important thing is for you to use this time apart wisely… don’t just sit and wait for him to reach out for time to pass! Take this opportunity to reinvent yourself and once again become the one he fell for, and to gain perspective on your relationship to figure out what went wrong in order to not fall into the same pitfalls moving forward…
      The key for you will be to stay active and busy and to set goals for yourself: professionally, in regards to working out and physical activity, and in your social life for instance!
      I can help you bring this all together and provide you with tips to make him miss you and gravitate back to you, but you’ll need to be willing to do the work!
      If you are up for the challenge, reach to me and book a coaching session for us to get started right away!
      From my heart to yours,
      Adrian

  • Sarah

    My boyfriend of 2 years asked to take a break. This is one year after we broke up for a similar situation. One year ago he didn’t know what he wanted and needed to figure out if it was love basically. Now we are on a “break” because he knows he loves me and always will but doesn’t know what he wants again… But yet a couple months ago we moved in together and started looking at purchasing a house together about 3 weeks ago. This literally came out of no where. All he kept saying is he doesn’t want to see other people he just needs a break for himself to figure out what he wants because he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship or not. I pressured him to just end it and he didn’t just kept repeating himself that he doesn’t know.. I honestly feel like he is the one and this was a mutual feeling after our break up a year ago. It seems like whenever stuff gets really serious he feels pressured and stuck… I just want to be with him and have a partnership whatever that may take and I have made that clear to him… Help

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Sarah,
      Thanks for sharing your story! I would need to speak with you in order to get more insights into your relationship and your ex’s behavior! It all doesn’t add up and only through a coaching session can we get to the bottom of this…
      I sincerely hope to hear from you soon in order to help you permanently win back the man you love by solving the deep rooted issues that you are both currently facing.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • jess

    Hi. me and my boyfriend have a long distance relationship. We met 3 times and we spent great times. We plan to move in together next year.
    Well, last time after he visited me, he had health and financial problems so when he returned tro his home, he told me that he can’t visit me anymore till we move in together( which can take half a year or more)
    I freaked out and i started to think that he doesn’t want me anymore so i started to question his moves and reactions so he was stressed too because of my attitude and he didn’t try to explain to me anything
    Today, he told me that we should take a break because both of us are stressed. I told him how long is this break? he told me 1 week or when something good comes that can improve our lives.
    I don’t like to believe this but i think he likes to keep me waiting while he sees other options or when i find a good job so he can use me to get money

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jess,
      I think that taking a break may actually be the right move here. You have to ask yourself the right questions and ensure that you also want to be with this man for the right reasons. I say this because it seems that you don’t trust him or his decisions at all even though you do believe that he had health issues.
      Has he done anything in the past to break your trust?
      Your story seems a lot deeper so let’s talk about it over a coaching session in order for me to provide you with the advice and guidance you need.
      All the best,
      Adrian

      • jess

        Thanks. Yes there were times when i asked my friends to talk to him online ( he didn’t know they were my friends) and he was flirting with them and even wanted to visit them.
        Another time, he ignored me once and when i asked why , he said that i was obsessed and after months, he admitted to me that he was igorning me ( like a game to make me more attached to him emotionally). He always read seduction books and he says that he used to date women just to gain confidence in himself.
        And about ‘ want to be with this man for the right reasons’, I am following my heart, not my mind because if i think well, he has many problems in his life and i’m going to suffer with him.
        I think that i will not comeback to him after the break, or maybe i will take a little while because i refuse to be treated like a toy.

        • CoachAdrian

          I wish you all the best Jess!

  • Frannie

    Hello Adrian,

    My fiance and I have been together for almost six years. We are high school sweethearts. We recently got engaged on this past Valentine’s Day. He told me he wanted to take a break a couple of days ago. We have been having problems since we got engaged but I should take full responsibility for my actions. I should start from the beginning so you can fully understand. He was my first everything but I was not his. He graduated two years before me. I was there for all of his stuff; but when it came time for me to go to prom, graduate from my high school gifted program and high school in general, he left and went to school for MSC. I was highly upset that he left me. I felt abandoned(trust issues from my drug addict father who always left and came back jail and prison). I explained to him that I wanted to take a break maybe a month after he had been gone because I couldn’t get over the fact that he left me. I went and had sex with someone a couple days later. I felt horrible afterwards because I still wanted to be with him. I thought that me going to do this would make me not want to be with him. But I was wrong. I told him the next day. He told me he was hurt and that he needed space. I said okay, and then he text me a couple of days later saying he forgave me and still wanted to be with me. Now he was gone for an additional 5 months for his first deployment. He came home and everything was okay. That was 3 years ago. Well we also have a problem with his ex gf. He went to hang out with her 3 times in the first 3 years behind my back. I got over it and we moved on. Fast forward to a year ago. We moved out from both our parents’ house into our first apartment. EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING. He deployed and came back Thanksgiving . We talked about getting married before he left but said he wanted to wait until he got back. Well he left for a month. He was gone for Christmas and New Years. He was not here for his birthday but came home for mine. Before he came home, his mom asked him to cosign a newer and larger house with her. He said yes of course but I was upset because I was thinking about what was going to happen when we go to buy a home in the future. His response was that nothing will interfere. So I left it alone. I did think when we got engaged that he would reconsider but he didn’t. The problems started because I started to complain. Time went on and he tells me he is going back on ship and that most jobs are in another state(where his ex was). So even though we talked about him not seeing her while there, I knew I couldn’t make him stay because he would resent me so I took a huge breath and told him to go. He left and maybe 2 days later, he started to say he wanted to take a break and I kept saying these aren’t the right circumstances because he is away (feeling like he was just saying this because his ex is there and he wanted to see her). So each day we talked less and he partied more. Weeks later, I felt in my gut that something was wrong so I checked his fb. He gave me his passwords to social media years ago. To find out I was correct, he went to lunch with her and then told me that he only called her because his phone was broken and needed a ride to phone store. I messaged her through him and told her to tell him to call me. He called me 1/3 of day later from the phone store. I was so hurt and angry, all I thought about was that he was not going to spend our joined money together with her . So it wasn’t the right thing to do but I transferred all the money in our account to my account. He tells transfer the money back but I said no and she gave him the money. He called me the next day telling me to put the money back and I said only way was for him to come home and work this out. He said no at first but his mom told him he was. So two days later, he came home and we talked and had a discussion and before he came home he said he didn’t know where we could go from here but we decided to postpone the wedding of course any to work on each other. Maybe a day to 2 days later he tells me he wants a break because he said he didn’t get over me having sex with someone else and that he needed to be alone to figure out if he could actually get over it. I said no and then he said that’s what I want and I moved my stuff out the apartment. He told me he had feelings for her and didn’t know if they were friend or something more making think something happened while he was there. We had a talk to understand what he wanted to do and he said he wants to be with me but needs a break like I had. He also said the reason why he feels like he can do anything besides cheat and I should stay because he didn’t cheat and that I shouldn’t be mad because what I did . I’m just confused because he was like he wants to keep everything jointed and to keep paying bills together but I left apartment. Then he said when he deploys he wants me to stay there also. Please help Adrian!!

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Frannie,
      Thank you for sharing your story and for your honesty!
      I think that your actions caused the rift that happened between you two, and the fact that you are strong enough to acknowledge where you went wrong is a great sign!
      I don’t think that this episode will break you, and I think that he will quickly realize that you are the one that can make him happy if you do the right things moving forward!
      In a way he never fully got over the fact that you slept with someone else years ago and your recent actions pushed him to go have an experience of his own.
      The trick for you will be to control your emotions and the urge to latch on and to give him the time and space that he needs at the moment. i know its hard but the less you will look to hold him back and the better your chances will be of seeing him come back to you quickly.
      In the mean time you’ll need to go through a process of personal growth and transformation in order to prove to him that you can make him happy once he does come back to you.
      Don’t try to make it all better all at once because if you do, you’re likely going to make tons of mistakes and push him away.
      It would be my pleasure to work with you through this process, to provide you with the support and tools you need every step of the way to ensure that you do get back together quickly.
      Don’t hesitate to book a coaching session with me if you feel that you need the support!
      I wish you all the very best in your quest to be with the man you love.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

      • Frannie

        Hi Adrian,

        I do want to book a coaching session. How does this work?

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Frannie,
          You can book a coaching session here:
          https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
          After you make your booking I’ll touch base with you via email to setup a time and date to speak and to ask you for a phone number or skype username where I can reach you.
          Looking forward to helping you win him back.
          Best,
          Adrian

  • Aimee Espinoza

    Hello, My bf and I just went on a break after 4 years of dating. He initially brought this to my attention in April, but said he didn’t want to take the break until after my birthday in May (because he wanted to celebrate my birthday & make a special celebration for me). Things from April through May were wonderful, like the “break” conversation never happened. Then last night, I asked him when our “break” was going to start. He didn’t have a clear answer but he said he didn’t want to drag me along and keep my feelings in limbo, he said that he loves me & doesn’t want to hurt me either. He suggested we start the break tomorrow (today). He said that he needed to do some soul searching and really see what he wants out of life right now, because he isn’t in the position he had envision himself to be in. I let him know that I would be here for him and faithful to the relationship & I would give him the space he needed. My question/concern is, is this a bad sign? And will he return to me? I hate feeling this way, a helpless fool in love-but I am in love with him.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Aimee,
      Thanks for sharing your story.
      You seem to be dating a good and considerate man, who values you and does not act on impulse. The break in itself isn’t a bad sign; I feel that he simply needs space to find himself because he is lost and unhappy about his circumstances. Don’t take this personally or try to make it about you because it isn’t…it’s about him, his dreams and his insecurities. Remember a break means a break, not a breakup!
      If you let your fears and insecurities take over and pursue him you will probably just end up pushing him away. For now give him that space, true space…don’t be needy and focus on you and your own process of personal development. He will revert back to you.
      I would love to coach you through this transition period in order to help you quickly get back together and start a new and improved relationship.
      Don’t hesitate to reach out to me for support and for us to work together during a one on one private coaching session over the phone.
      Kindest regards,
      Adrian

  • Maybel Elise

    Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. Everything had been perfect until about 3 months ago. It was his senior prom and he wanted to rent a hotel as the prom after party but my parents didn’t let me so he went with his friends. I figured prom is a once in a lifetime opportunity and who was I to take that away from him so I let him go but I was still upset about it. i knew he was going to a party because he told me but as soon as he came back he wanted to break up all of a sudden. He told me that at the party him and this other girl kissed and that he regretted it but I still didn’t understand why he wanted to break up with me if he’s the one that did it. Anyways, I was obviously upset but I thought about it for a few hours and I forgave him so we got back together but since then everything has changed. He still says he loves me and all of that but we have been arguing a lot lately, too much. Fast forward to yesterday, he told me he was sleeping over his brother’s house but I soon found out that he was actually going to a party. I was very upset that he lied to me and we argued yet again. He told me we should take a break because he says we need to miss each other. I don’t really know what he means by that and I need help! Ever since we haven’t been talking I’ve been miserable I miss him so much I wish he would come back or I wish to know if he’s ever gonna come back at all. Any type of advice or hope would be super helpful, thank you.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Maybel,
      Thanks for sharing your story.
      Ever since prom you have simply lost control of the balance of power. He controls all the cards and the fear of losing him is making you act very needy. In turn this insecurity is pushing him away. You have to call his bluff and go on a real break; you need to control your emotions and the urge to chase him otherwise you will push him away!
      Focus on you, have fun, go out with friends and be independent…he will call crawling back if you are able to stay strong!
      I am here for you if need be, don’t hesitate to book a phone coaching session if you feel that you need more help and support.
      Be strong and have confidence in what you bring to the table.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

      • Carmen Esteves

        Coach Adrian can I book a phone conversation with you adapt about this topic? Possibly today?

        • CoachAdrian

          So happy that you reached out to me and love your energy and working with you.

          We’re going to get it done!

          Best,

          Adrian

          • ANA

            how do I make an appointment with you?

  • Brielle Imaña

    Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for a year. It’s long distance but it’s never stopped us, we love and care about each other so much. We’ve always tried to work things out and stay together but a few days ago he said he wants to take a break. Partly because I mention that I’m slightly hurt we don’t talk as much because he’s busy with work and moving into a new apartment. He also said it was because he needs to sort things out in his life right now. I just don’t know when he’ll come back wanting a relationship and I can’t stand just being friends and talking to him because he seems distant with me. I don’t know what to do I’m afraid even though he’s devoted and loving to me I’m afraid he’ll eventually not love me and want to end it for good.

  • Mikaella

    Hey, my boyfriend and I have only been in a long distance relationship for 2 months and it was surely a difficult challenge before we began dating as he had horrible LDR relationships in the past. However, he realised that I was worth the risk of trying again as he told me he genuinely loves me and would love to spend the rest of his life with me. His emotions have been very unstable even before he met me due to his previous issues with family and relationships and these have caused us to have plenty of disagreements. Despite that, we believed that we were happy in our relationship as we were always able to return to our usual loving selves. This week, we havent went through a day without fighting so he called for a break. He told me that he wanted time to think for himself and what he really wants. I asked him if he loves me and he told me that he doesn’t know even though he just told me that he does a few hours before. He’s been really confused and I am extremely paranoid that he might leave me in the end. I havent been able to stop myself from messaging him and I know that it won’t do anything but confuse him more. He called me last night to clarify the break and before he ended the call he told me he loves me. I have been in a rollercoaster of emotions and I have no idea what to do.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Mikaella.
      You absolutely need to stop reaching out to him otherwise you too will lose him for good. A break doesn’t mean a breakup, and if you continue to reach out you will push him away for good. I believe that he will come back on his own if you are able to control your emotions. However I think that it is absolutely essential for us to speak on the phone and do a coaching session to make sure the fighting stops moving forward. Otherwise you will not be in a stable relationship, and you’ll keep breaking up in the future. Let me help you stabilize this relationship for good!
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • CoachAdrian

    Hey Brielle,
    Sorry it took so long to get back to you, I was in Paris preparing a conference.
    The most important thing for you is to give him space and to let him initiate conversations otherwise you risk losing him forever. You need to be more independent and to keep yourself busy. It’s very common for people in long distance relationship to take a step back when one of the parties is going through changes (jobs, location, house, etc…) If you are patient, independent and control your emotions he will revert back to you!
    Here to help if need be, don’t hesitate to reach out and to book a coaching session.
    Best,
    Adrian

  • Samantha Choong

    Hi Adrian, My LDR boyfriend just told me that he flirted with and kissed an old high school friend he hasn’t seen and talked to since 3 years ago during a nightout while he was completely drunk. He told me that the girl initiated the kiss but he didn’t do anything to stop it. He felt total regret after all these happened to the point where he mentioned suicide.

    Right now, he wants to take a break from the relationship as he has been very unstable lately due to family issues and the fact that we’ve been fighting the whole week. His past has caused him to become crazy and act this way because of his insecurities.

    He tells me he still loves me but his feelings has been weak lately due to our fights and his personal situations. I’ve been paranoid about this break as I’m afraid he’ll leave me in the end although he always told me he loves me so much. He always told me he’d never leave and he’s also afraid of losing me.

    I know that he’s not comfortable with being in a LDR but he decided to choose to be with me instead of finding someone else much closer. He has told his closest family and friends about me and I am planning to move to his city next year but I am extremely afraid of this break.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Samantha,
      You are in a complex situation with multiple layers that need to be addressed independently…the best would really be for us to speak over the phone of skype during a private coaching. Please reach out to me and book a session ASAP in order for us to turn this around before it’s too late!
      Hope to hear from you soon.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Clomo

    My LDR boyfriend/friend, now not exclusive, and me have been having issues. He has been leaving me out in the dark (due to being confused) and of course I have been pestering him cause that was hurting me. I should have just let him be, but I was really confused why he wasn’t being caring. Anyways we established that we would not treat “us” as a serious relationship and we would both take time, especially him cause he has conflicting feelings. He doesn’t want to date anyone (just wants to be alone) and I don’t either, but I don’t want to miss an opportunity waiting just for him to tell me he doesn’t want me. I told him to take his time and contact me when he feels like it, I am making no effort whatsoever, I won’t actively be looking but if someone presents themselves to me I will go out. We aren’t the type to just sleep around, so I’m not worried about that. Is this a break up?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Clomo,
      Yes you have to treat it as a breakup otherwise you will be too needy and push him away for good.
      But you are in the right mindset and have a solid game plan.
      Good luck,
      Adrian

      • Clomo

        I am the OP, I haven’t heard from him in over a week, I deleted his # and off of social media. Does this mean he doesn’t care? btw I am getting out there again and I have a few dates lined up.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Clomo,
      Yes you have to treat it as a breakup otherwise you will be too needy and push him away for good.
      But you are in the right mindset and have a solid game plan.
      Good luck,
      Adrian

  • Ana

    Hey Adrian,
    My boyfriend decided he wants to take a break. It hurts a lot due to the fact we have been together for 3 years. We have always had small arguments but this time he decided he wanted a break. He won’t talk to me about it. I want to know what I should work on during this break but refuses to talk about it. I got a message from this one girl telling me that my boyfriend is with her. She went a long way with her story but nothing make sense. I choose to believe him but I’m still doubting. That girl posted pictures of them together with hearts and was awfully to excited about his birthday. The girl is 14 years old and im 16 years old. Which obviously hurts more because she’s younger. My boyfriend is 19. Should I be worried about that girl? He promised to come back to me and just wants space. I can’t feel but to feel scared for him not to come back. Is my relationship broken for good? I feel worthless. I feel like that 14yr old took away what I loved the most in days. Not to mention he blocked me on all of his social media. I admit, I had been bugging him to get him to talk to me.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Ana,
      I am really sorry but I cannot provide you with guidance because you are under 18.
      Good luck!
      Best,
      Adrian

  • Tanya

    Hi Adrian,
    I am with my bf for 3 months. Everything was so fine. He was so sweet and taking care of me. He took me out and show off to everyone that i’m his gf. He used to text me everyday, missing me everyday even we were together most of the time. I really like him so much. Then it came to the point that he did’t text me much like before. Though evertything is fine when we are together. So i started to complain about he’s not texting me like before. Recently he texted me back and slept as he just came back from work (i didn’t know that) I called him but he didn’t answer the call neither text. And he’s never talked to me again for a week. I thought that he wanted to ditch me. So i decide to meet him in person when he get back from work. At least if he want to break up, he should say something not just disappear like this. Then we talked, he look so stress and serious. He said that i’m spooky as i called him too many times and he has some personal problems to think about. So he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. I asked him if he wanted to end it. He said he didn’t think about it, he think nothing at all. Finally he said we should take a break. He need space and times to think……i like him so much and still want to be with him even we’re together only 3 months….but my feeling is overwhelmin. I treat it as a break up already……but still have a little hope that he will come back…..how much more time do i need to give him? A month? Or two month? And what should i do during the breaking period. I’m so depressed :((

  • Tanya

    Hi Adrian,
    I am with my bf for 3 months. Everything was so fine. He was so sweet and taking care of me. He took me out and show off to everyone that i’m his gf. He used to text me everyday, missing me everyday even we were together most of the time. I really like him so much. Then it came to the point that he did’t text me much like before. Though evertything is fine when we are together. So i started to complain about he’s not texting me like before. Recently he texted me back and slept as he just came back from work (i didn’t know that) I called him but he didn’t answer the call neither text. And he’s never talked to me again for a week. I thought that he wanted to ditch me. So i decide to meet him in person when he get back from work. At least if he want to break up, he should say something not just disappear like this. Then we talked, he look so stress and serious. He said that i’m spooky as i called him too many times and he has some personal problems to think about. So he doesn’t want to talk to anyone. I asked him if he wanted to end it. He said he didn’t think about it, he think nothing at all. Finally he said we should take a break. He need space and times to think……i like him so much and still want to be with him even we’re together only 3 months….but my feeling is overwhelmin. I treat it as a break up already……but still have a little hope that he will come back…..how much more time do i need to give him? A month? Or two month? And what should i do during the breaking period. I’m do depressed :((

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Tanya, I really want to help you…please book a coaching session in order for us to work together!
      Best,
      Adrian

  • Kate Mills

    My fiance of a year and a half has decided that we need to take space from eachother in our relationship. He says he still loves me and says I can come back.. he just wants me to not be so dependent on him. My anxiety of him working long hours and only getting to see him nights and Sunday made me irritable. And he felt so much guilt. He doesn’t want to be with someone who constantly makes him feel guilty. During this break he wants us to not communicate everyday. He wants his space and he wants me to tame tI’m to focus on myself. It’s been 2 days and Its so hard. If he loved.me.how could he hurt me like this? And how can I make this hurt go away so I can start focusing on myself? Is there really a chance for us still?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Kate, you can get back together if you snap out of emotional dependency.
      Let’s work together to maximize your chances of getting back in a stable relationship…
      Hope to hear from you soon via phone!
      Best,
      Adrian

  • Anna

    Dear Adrian,
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 8months, he just turned 18, and I just moved away(8hours drive). He says he still loves me and wants us to be together in 2years(after I get my diploma), the only reason he gave it’s that it will be too long for him to wait. he is coming to see me tomorrow(I’m not so sure), can I change his mind, is there any way? Please help me I am devastated.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Anna,
      You can of course still change his mind if you play your cards right.
      You guys are still young and your story can still be written the way that you intend it too. Stay positive,
      Adrian

  • Sam

    Hi Adrian. Well I want to know if my boyfriend and I still have a chance of getting back together. We have been together for about four years. He recently lost his job and when he couldn’t find a job here he decided to look at other towns. We have been living together for about eight months now and every time he leaves to go to another town, we start fighting more than we ever have before. He told me he wanted to take a brake and he promised me over and over that we will be together again as soon as he finds work. Although I understand that he has a lot on his plate because looking for work isn’t that easy I don’t think it is right for us to break up, even if it is just for a while. He said that I am making it harder for him because he is constantly thinking about me and what we are going to fight about next and it is making looking for work a lot harder. I asked him if I should move out and he said that I don’t need to move out and that he will visit me every chance he gets is this a good sign?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Sam,
      The short answer is yes, you still have a chance of making this work mainly because the main issues stem from your boyfriend’s ego and self worth. Man get most of their self esteem from their professional success. Once he is in a better place, your relationship will stabilize…
      Book a coaching session with me and I will help you speed the recovery process.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Tini

    Hi Adrian,
    My boyfriend and I havet been together for 4+ years..love each other a lot but there is a big age gap and i kind of pressurized him indirectly and pushed him away. I took him for granted and wanted us to go to next level but he wasnt ready. He broke and said he cant do this. He needs his space. I was very shocked and asked if he can give me a second chance. I dont care if we get married or not. As long as we are together and he is in my life, I’m fine. Love him and want him to be happy. Anyways we are on a break now. He said he needs this time to get through some things and for that he needs to be himself. Its too hard but i will give him his space and the time he needs. I’m older and i need him to live his life as much. He is going through stress at work too. Young but very efficient and ao he is loaded with lots of responsibilities. My bad i ignored his needs and instead of being his strength i got selfish and was just thinking about future. We work at the same work place though on different floors and teams. For the first week i was still ok but the week after when i had no word from her, I’ve been going crazy. Last few days i have found reasons to go on his floor and just see him once even from far. It was awkward couple times but i got normal, smiled normally when i ran into him. And now trying hard not to go there and give him his space. Its too tough. But i have to do this to save our relationship. What I do not know is how are you supposed to behave on a break. Do you become completely strangers? Since this is him needing space and getting a hold of the fact that he is growing up and thats its ok to do so, i should give him all the space, right? He has high aspirations and i know he is very much capable of it and will sure do great at work and achieve those goals. I want to be his strength and be by his side. What should i do on my end to make this normal. Or is waiting is all i can do?

    • CoachAdrian

      Tini,
      Sorry it took so long to get back to you…I am absolutely swamped with coaching requests at the moment and encourage you to book a session with me in order to help turn things around.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

    • Hailey

      Same exact situation! younger guy and i pushed him towards the next level, cuz i thought he was ready. Like your bf, he also broke and said he can’t do it. and I too sought for a second chance. and similar to you, I don’t really care if we get married or not as long as he’s in my life. It’s been two weeks since the conversation we had and I also told him that at this point, all I want is just to be his gf. Nothing more. He still texts me everyday, to inform me of his plans. and calls me once in a while. He said he knows the only thing that can make me happy is marriage, and that is something he can’t give me right now. and he doesn’t know when he’ll ever be ready.

      I echo the same questions as Tini. We have never fought in the last 3 years we were together. What should i do and how much space should i give?

      • CoachAdrian

        Hey Hailey,
        Thanks for sharing your story.
        My advice is to be strong and to take a step back and force him to miss you by ignoring him and convey the fact that you don’t need him to be happy.
        The fear of loss is a powerful motivator, you can leverage it to make him want to commit and make you his.
        Regards,
        Adrian

  • Lizzy

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. Almost two months ago, he called for a break. For the past several months, we have been fighting a lot more (for hours at a time). Plus, he has a lot of family issues on top of that. He also told me that he is unhappy (with everything), and that I make him feel guilty a lot of the time. Although he has a lot of outside stuff making him unhappy, I am a large part of that as well. He wanted to take time to think and focus on himself again, but it seems like he hasn’t had that opportunity at all due to his family issues. When we talked about the break, we were both crying and heartbroken. He told me that he has never loved someone or opened up to someone the way he has with me. We still text everyday now and then, and we still tell each other that we love each other. I tried to ask him if he wanted to get coffee or something about a month or so ago because I miss him like crazy, and he got really upset because I wasn’t respecting his space and his decision to call the break off. I know he needs space, and I know that I can’t be selfish about wanting to see him (no matter how painfully much I miss him), but I am so afraid that if I back off more, he will slowly stop loving me, and this break will turn into a weirdly transitional breakup. Or that he will find someone else. I want to let him know how much I love him and miss him without upsetting him or making me feel guilty. It’s really rough going from seeing someone and talking to someone every single day to small talk every now and then:( I want to help him, but I need to find a way to stop focusing on how much a love him/miss him/am afraid of losing him. He told me he would never string me along and has always been extremely honest and trustworthy. I know that a lot of my actions got us to where we are now, and I have let him know that. I just feel like two months is an extremely long amount of time, and every now and then, I panick and the world becomes a little hazy, and all of my fears bubble to the surface. I love him so much, and I see him in so many things throughout the day. I just need to know if two months is hopeless, and if not, I need to know if pulling away is *truly* better.

    Thank you.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hello Lizzy,
      Thanks for sharing your story. I am a one man show at the moment and I have to prioritize my time towards clients that book coaching sessions. I would love to help, so please book a coaching session if you are still serious about doing everything possible to get back together.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Lyanna

    Hi Adrian,
    Im so miserable at the moment. My bf and me have long distance relationship and we met 8 months ago, met 3 times while i flew over to his country and we met in the third country. He doesnt get throught his fiance who died 1.5 year ago yet. The third time i was in his country, Im kind of pushing him to move on his pain and let me move in cause we are in love and he still in pain from his fiance, i thought thats a way to help him out. He said he is not ready yet and he couldnt see me as long term relationship, he cant plan anything right now cause all his plan always mess up so he cant make any promise. He act weird, always need time alone when i was with him, I asked if his feeling change, he said no, his love grows more and more when we spend time together more. When i back here, his texted and call me less, i asked if his feeling change, he answered same last time. Then 4 days ago, he asked me he need a break for himself, he want to take care of himself to be able to give me 100% of him, to heal his pain. I was crying and so hurt and upset but i have to agree with his choice. the day after, i called him to ask him confirm if he need time just for take care of himself, he said we live so far away, and we planed will see each other in November, but then what happen after that?when we will see again? and Im ready for next step but he is not ready yet so he need a break to think about everything and heal himself. Im asking him will we back after his break, he said he cant predict that. I asked if this is the end? he said he not ready for that yet? and he still let the door open, dont close it? SO is it the end of us? And I have no chance to back with him? and maybe he doesnt love me? just see me as replacement? I have so many question asking myself everyday. I cried and asked myself and tried to not contact him. Its hurt and i have to suffer 2 month to get back the answer END from him? I dont want to end like this, we are so match in everything and i love him so much. Im thinking 1.5month later, can i fly over to see him? but if he will say he doesnt love me and we end? Please help me.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hello Lyanna,
      I would love to help but I am currently overwhelmed with coaching requests. I would need to talk to you over the phone or skype in order to provide you with all the necessary tools you would need to turn it around.
      I urge you to book a session in order for us to work together!
      Sincerely,
      Adrian

  • Jordan

    Hi Adrian,

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, we obviously love eachother but we fight about the dumbest things! He used to drink a lot and he ended up cheating on me with one of my sorority sisters about 5 months ago. I try and forget but it’s so hard and I feel like I dangle it in front of him like “oh since you did this you have to do this” sort of thing?! I forgave him for it and we’ve tried to move on from it, he doesn’t get drunk, he has maybe 4 beers if he goes out and he has been great but we still end up fighting?! He just told me he wants a break to take a step back but I feel that if we take a break and don’t fix anything, why aren’t we breaking up fully? Because the thought of not talking or hanging with him for a couple of weeks or so and then trying to forget about him and then him texting me saying that he misses me, is just too much for me to handle. I am not sure what to do.

    Thanks!

    • Coach natalie

      Jordan,
      Thanks for reaching out. This situation sounds frustrating. I think no-contact will help if your boyfriend wants to take a break. It will give you both the time to reflect on your relationship. If you want to persevere through this challenging time, you’ll both need to prepare to hit the reset button. The no contact element will set the foundation to facilitate this new beginning. If you need help, please feel free to reach out or take a look at our blog. There is an article on our Radio Silence method that may be helpful.
      Sincerely,

      Natalie

  • Enise Güler

    Hi Adrian!
    I’m Enise from Turkey. And my boyfriend is South African. We’ve been in a relationship for almost two years. Recently he started to complain about my behaviors. Because he started to follow several girls from his country and from my country that are sharing opened pictures (bikinis skirts etc). And now he wanted to take a break after blocking me on instagram in order to make me not see his followers anymore. It seems so childish to me. We are more than 20, and it’s weird to block each other in a small argument. As i said before, now we are on a break. What would you recommend me?

  • natalia

    Hi Adrian,
    my boyfriend and i are young because we are both 13 years old. The problem is that his stepbrother is coming back to live with him and so he told me that he wanted to catch up with his brother and so then he said that we should take a break. is that a bad thing or a good thing because he also said that it will take for a few weeks. and how can i get over his words because i mean like days and weeks seem like a long time to me whenever i am not with him. please help me because i just can’t stop crying and try to respond as soon as possible.
    Thanks for listening to my problems

  • Nandini

    My boyfriend needs a break for stipulated time as he is stuck in some financial problems, I am terribly missing him and constantly calling him which he feels as irritated he says he ll get back to me for sure after his problems are solved.. Do I need to really wait for him?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Nandini,
      Thank you for sharing a bit about your situation. I know that having a boyfriend who wants to take a break can make for a very difficult time. If he asked for space, I do encourage you to give it to him, as if you continue exhibiting needy behavior, he will only be driven further and further away. I think you’ll get a lot of benefit from our E-Book, it discusses situations similar to yours. https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/70-pro-tips-to-get-back-with-your-ex-for-women/
      I really hope this helps!
      Sincerely,
      Natalie