You’ve gone through a painful separation or divorce, but deep down, you were hoping that you’d end up together again. Nothing was working anymore in your relationship, so one of you made the decision to end it. Maybe you’ve already tried to put the pieces back together, but it didn’t work. He or she has ended up with someone else, a “next”; and it became more and more serious. Your ex now plans on spending their life with this person. It’s often a shock when the person with whom we spent years, with whom we may even already have a family, turns the page and starts something with someone else.
In most cases, you don’t quite know how to react. Should you show your jealousy? Should you be happy for your ex and the other person? And more importantly should you try to get him or her back and no longer hide your feelings? Many people hope to be able to change their ex’s mind just before the marriage. When you say the words, “my ex is getting remarried” so many past memories come rushing back and you face so many questions concerning your love life.
It’s a situation that isn’t easy to handle and it can lead to making various mistakes. After reading this article, you’ll have a clearer idea of what can be beneficial to you. You’ll be better equipped to act appropriately after having learned of your ex’s new marriage.
My ex is getting remarried and it hurts
Before we dive in, I’d just like you to know that you’re not alone in this situation. Patchwork families are more common than we realize, and you’re not the only person experiencing heartache upon hearing of an ex’s new marriage.
In this article, I’m going to explore the principal that your ex didn’t meet his / her future spouse last week. They’ve been seeing each other for months, or maybe years, which would mean that you two have been separated for quite some time now. So you don’t understand why this news hurts so much, even if you weren’t trying to get back together. In reality, pretty much anyone could feel a certain amount of jealousy in such circumstances. Your situation, however goes a step further.
Seeing your ex’s exchange with someone else makes you feel like your relationship didn’t matter, and that their feelings weren’t sincere. You feel like he / she never made the effort to work on problems in the relationship you shared at the time. It’s as if your ex wasted your time and you got it all wrong.
Marriage symbolizes love between two people and if you still had hope, now you’re losing confidence in yourself, and in your desire to get back together. In my experience as a coach, these are the main problems people in your situation face. You question your entire relationship and your past, because you don’t understand how he / she could so quickly forget about you and what you shared. Even if it wasn’t perfect, you were sure that you could make things right again. But saying, “my ex is getting remarried” is a real shock that leads to many questions, such as, “what am I supposed to do now?”
What should I do when my ex is about to get remarried?
You’re asking yourself a lot of questions, and you’re trying to decide between trying one last attempt at getting back together, or to throw in the towel and start back at zero. It’s hard to go against your will and against what your heart is telling you. If someone is to deeply “affected” by seeing their ex put a ring on someone else’s finger, it’s because feelings are still present; even if they had been buried. When you say, “My ex is getting remarried” the truth is that a huge wave of emotion is resurfacing. Deep down you are wishing that your ex was placing that ring on your finger.
You shared a special story, you had plans that you had brought to life together, and you regret the ones you didn’t. For some people, this situation is the electroshock they needed in order to launch an attempt at getting back together. You’re thinking, “I only have a few months to change the course of history!” You know what I’m going to say… You’re rushing things!
By rushing things, you’re committing one of the main “don’ts” of getting back together with an ex. You’re not taking the time to focus and work on yourself, and you’re fixating on the new partner. You want to prove to your ex that you’re better than their new fiancé. You’re panicking because you’re feeling that the countdown has begun. But it’s important to note that saying, “My ex is getting remarried, I need to act fast” is one of the best ways to mess with your odds of success.
Something that happens often is that a person’s actions aren’t guided by love. By this I mean that they’re motivated by the fact that they’re still single, or by a fear of being forgotten. This is why it’s important to think twice before deciding to make your ex want you back when they’re about to get remarried. In these circumstances you often feel inferior and hopeless; but it’s very important to put yourself first, and to focus on rebuilding your own well-being. Things won’t magically be perfect just because the person you still love takes you back.
Why does news of my ex’s marriage make me feel so awful?
This is THE question you should ask yourself! Rather than wondering if you should employ radio silence or if you should write a letter to get them back, you should look within. It shouldn’t be like a Hollywood movie; you bursting through the doors right at the moment your ex says, “I do!” You have to focus on yourself before you can make any headway; you have to first mourn the past relationship and be able to start back at zero. Not only is this necessary when starting a new relationship with someone else; it’s the same thing when trying to get back together with your ex.
Please not that I’m not trying to give you a hard time for feeling jealous or troubled when faced with your ex-wife or ex-husband taking someone else’s hand in marriage. Nobody can blame you for having a hard time with that; but this shouldn’t urge you to make errors or fall into a state of depression.
Your life shouldn’t revolve around your ex; it should be based on your own happiness! The more you wait for him / her to make a move, the more you’ll be postponing your own personal success. You’ll be allowing your ex’s actions to run your life, and determine how you feel. Don’t wait to work on yourself and your overall state of mind before you start trying to create a solid and lasting relationship with or without your ex! At this point, a personalized coaching session would be the perfect way to design the most effective strategy.
My coach when my ex is getting remarried.