In today’s article, I wanted to talk about something a little different. I had a client come to me the other day telling me that she and the man she loves broke up because of religion and she didn’t know what to do. All of the love was still there, but they felt the pressure to separate because they came from religious backgrounds. Now, this isn’t something that comes up very often in my coaching sessions, but it does from time to time.
That is why I wanted to dedicate an article to this topic today, and I’d like to share with you what I told her. It’s a complex situation because it involves practices, values, family, and expectations, but if one thing is for certain in regards to love, it is that it knows no boundaries. Sometimes social and cultural pressures end a relationship, and other times it’s ultimately because people feel like their values don’t quite align.
A lot of people can feel a lot of pressure when they’re dating someone from a different religious background. I’ve seen this happen with clients from all around the world, so my goal is to offer you some advice via this article.
Breaking up with someone you love because of religion…
As we dive into this topic, I would like to begin by reiterating that love knows no boundaries. Whether it’s age, skin color, social background, religious beliefs… If you love someone, you feel it.
The truth of the matter is that if you’ve gone out of your way to look up articles on what to do if you broke up because of religion, it means that you really do love this person. You are making the effort to find more information on the subject because you’re not convinced about throwing in the towel on this relationship.
If you’re thinking about getting back together with someone, there is one very important thing that I want you to keep in mind: Values. It’s not about religion or about your belief system; it’s about what kind of values you have and whether or not this other person shares the same ones. If you want to get back with someone that you really love and religion was an issue, I’d like to encourage you to take a pen and paper and start making a list of your values and your non-negotiables.
Think about what is most important to you. What do you identify with and what do you seek out of life? In thinking about these things, you’re going to be able to find your core values.
If you truly love someone, there are no boundaries to the love you feel for them. It doesn’t matter what their social background is, what their cultural background is, what their economical background is or what their religious background is, we are all cut from the same cloth.
If you fell in love with this person, it means that you saw a light in them. You recognized something special in them before pressures and judgment from family members began to cloud your vision and create veils.
At the end of the day, religions preach love and tolerance, loving your neighbor and being a good person. It’s about building bridges instead of walls. Religion is a very personal thing and everyone has different spiritual paths. Not everyone needs to have the same exact beliefs as you in order for you to function harmoniously. And I’m not just talking about your significant other! This can be in regards to your friends, your colleagues, and even your family members!
If you’re always looking for differences and things that set you apart, you will always be able to find something! If you focus on the positives however, you can overcome pressures that family or society may put on a relationship.
So, what do you do when you feel this type of pressure? How can you avoid issues with religion in a relationship? How can you get to a place where you can take on the world as a unite instead of letting external factors pry you apart?
Broke up because of religion: What to do
So let’s say that you and the one you love have broken up because of religious differences. Perhaps you were dating a religious girl or guy and you don’t particularly identify with any religions, so it played a role in the breakup. Maybe you and your ex are both very religious, but you do not belong to the same religion so that was one of the things that brought about the demise of the relationship.
Maybe your ex was unable to explain your relationship to the people around them because of your religious differences, but when we are working with people, we focus on building trust, chemistry, communication and complicity between them. If you are able to build this type of bond, it will inevitably help with explaining and sharing the relationship with those around you.
So it’s not about religion. It’s about your values, understanding what is most important to you. Sometimes you might have to compromise, and that’s fine. For example, one person might want to celebrate one religious holiday, and you want to celebrate another. Here you would have to communicate your needs and establish an understanding of the mandatory holidays.
If you can understand your ex and what is truly important to them, and if you can share what it truly important for you, you need open communication. You have to be 100% open, and then he or she can be 100% open with you.
If you really want to make your relationship work, even if things have resulted in this breakup, you have to learn how to be 100% open. Understand that there will be compromise, but communicate openly about it. This will allow your ex to communicate with the people that made them feel pressured. You can show that your relationship is real.
It’s not that it’s bigger than religion, but it fits into the mould of tolerance, love, happiness, open mindedness and support. I know that religion and relationships can sometimes butt heads, but you can always find a way to connect with the person you love and find common ground; as long as you’re willing to support one another.
If you want to get back together with someone, you have to be able to say everything and be open to listening to everything. You need to be a team. Understanding that there is something bigger than you at hand (religion) can help you to open communication and work together to reach a common goal: balance and happiness together.
This is also true if you are agnostic or atheist and you are dating a religious person. The goal is to support one another and work towards lifting each other up and being happy as a couple. It’s about showing love, kindness, being respectful, being compassionate, being there for them, being dependable. It’s all about your actions.
Even if your ex’s family doesn’t want them to be with you because you have different beliefs, at the end of the day, they’re going to want this person to be happy. they want them to be in healthy, loving relationships. It’s OK if they don’t accept you today… You just need to make sure you’re actively working on being the absolute best version of yourself.
Make sure you’re honoring your potential. Be the most amazing person that you can be, and with time they will have no choice but to acknowledge that you are the perfect partner for their loved one.
This stays true to our philosophy of working on being the best you so that you can be happy in your own personal life, and in the process, inspiring your ex to want to be with you. The goal is to focus on your happiness so that you can make your ex want to invest in this relationship and do what they need to do to have you be the person by their side.
So I know that right now you’re thinking that you don’t know what to do after you breaking up with someone you love because of religion, and you want to win your ex over, but you also want to win their family over… but let’s take this one step at a time. You can’t tackle it all at once!
Religious differences in a relationship aren’t the end of the world. Focus on being the best version of yourself, reestablishing a healthy communication platform with your ex, not being needy… And in time you will regain the love, trust and respect of your ex and their family.
You’re probably thinking that this is going to be super hard and you aren’t sure that you’ll succeed… keep in mind what when you’re successful in getting back together, especially when there is a religious difference, the relationship becomes stronger than ever before.
This is true because as I said, religion is about tolerance and values. You can do it, and your relationship will be new and improved when you go through adversity and tests.
Don’t focus on thoughts like, “I deserve this relationship!” Focus instead on how you can make your ex happy and how you can make yourself happy in terms of your religions, and how you can get on the same page or find compromise.
As always, we are here to help you from A to Z so please don’t hesitate to reach out to us here or leave your question in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you broke up because of religion