Going through a breakup is awful. It feels like you’re being put through the wringer as you see all your hopes and dreams for your future crumbling down around you. You experience a surge of emotions ranging from profound sadness, to confusion, to anger and shock. The person you shared so much with is no longer your partner and you can end up with feeling like there’s a huge void in your life. This is when I have a lot of clients come to me for help.
I have been a love and relationship coach for quite a few years now and I’ve specialized in getting people back together, so people know that if they want results, they can come to me. When you still love your ex, it’s very easy to feel overwhelmed by the situation and panic. The problem of course is that this can lead to mistakes in terms of getting the person you love back…
That is why I’ve written this article today. I wanted to go over some of the biggest do’s and don’ts of getting an ex to want to be with you again. It’s a very delicate period and it’s important that you have a good plan of action that is going to help you reach your goal; not get you further away from it!
Is it normal to still love my ex?
The surge of emotions that a person can feel when their heart is broken can be truly overwhelming. You find yourself not wanting to do anything, not wanting to see anyone, while having all of your thoughts drift towards your ex and your precious memories. It can become extremely frustrating as well because sometimes you just want to get these thoughts out of your head and feel like you’re back to normal.
When these thoughts and emotions don’t subside, you can wind up wondering if all of this is normal. “Am I still in love with my ex?” “Is this normal?”
Perhaps quite some time has passed since the breakup and deep down you feel like you’re still in love with this person. First of all, if it’s true love then it’s normal that you would still be feeling this way. If your breakup is fresh, it’s even more normal. Feelings, especially when they were strong and had developed over a long period of time, don’t just disappear into thin air simply because you broke up. You had spent time creating a bond, making memories, and working towards a future together. These feelings aren’t going to just cease to exist from one day to the next.
If you still love your ex, it means that you shared something special.
There is one thing that I want to draw your attention to before we go any further. I often see that people have the tendency of losing themselves in a relationship. For some people, their partner becomes the center of their universe and they end up losing track of their hobbies, their friendships, their social life…etc. The result is that they end up feeling completely lost and displaced when the relationship ends. They allowed all of their happiness to depend on the wellbeing of their partner.
If this strikes a chord with you, it’s important to begin working on overcoming emotional dependency.
If you’re thinking, “I still love my ex,” regardless of the situation, the first step will be the same for everybody. And keep in mind that this is true whether or not you want your ex back!
Still in love with your ex and want them back? Rule #1
What I’m about to say might catch you off guard but…
If you’re still in love with your ex, you need to give yourself a new goal: Loving YOURSELF more.
Yes, now is actually the time to become selfish. I know that the word “selfish” has a negative connotation and you’re probably reading this thinking, “Um, I’ve always been told to put others before me?” But trust me, if you want to bounce back from his heartbreak AND if you want your ex back, you’re going to have to start putting yourself first.
Interestingly enough, we’ve all been taught to give more love if we want to receive more love… But I bet you’ve been giving this person all kinds of love without necessarily receiving the same in return. So what gives?
The problem is that human beings also have a nasty habit of taking things (or people in this case) for granted. A large number of my clients try to move mountains to prove their love to their exes and all it does it push their ex further away. You see, when a person knows that they’ve got you at their beck and call, they’re not going to feel any need to make an effort to get closer to you. They can just think to themselves, “Ok, he/she will be there if I ever feel like calling.”
So, when you still love your ex and want them back, you need to create a shift in the balance of power while presenting yourself in a new light.
As I said, the first step to do so requires that you become selfish. Your ex can no longer be the focal point of your life. I know that you’re suffering right now, but don’t forget that you are the master of your own happiness. What’s more, do you think your ex is going to be more attracted to someone that is wallowing in misery or someone who exudes positive energy and joy?
And I know you want to be happy. It just feels hard to bring it into your life right now… But the key to doing so is to become very busy with activities that benefit you.
Think about everything that got put n the back burner while you were in this relationship, all the hobbies and passions you lost track of, the friends and family you stopped spending time with…
If you’re wondering what to do when you love your ex, challenge yourself to incorporate all kinds of new activities in your life.
Think about new hobbies like cooking, painting, kitesurfing, ceramics. Think about becoming more physically active or switching up your workout routine with new activities like HIIT training or yoga, get your friends together and go on a weekend getaway trip, set out to discover new bars and restaurants, and be open to meeting new people (platonic or not!)
Switching up your environment, your schedule, and how you’re taking care of yourself can do wonders right now…
When you still love your ex, this is how to make them feel the same way again
Everything that I was explaining in the previous section serves to do two very important things.
1. It boosts your self confidence, which helps you to heal from the break up and showcase your personality.
2. It presents you in a new light to your ex.
You are now working on becoming the new and improved version of yourself; the BEST version of yourself. Keep in mind that your ex fell for you once before. So what would happen if you presented him or her with a new and improved version of the person they fell in love with in the first place? Yep, you’d become irresistible.
You just have to focus on personal development and feeling good. Don’t give into the temptation of sitting back and waiting for things to change on their own. You’re in control of more than you might realize!
Right now you’re probably thinking, “I still love my ex boyfriend or girlfriend,” and the thought might make you feel like you just don’t know where to begin, but all you have to keep in mind is that you just have to stay active.
As each relationship and each breakup is unique, there are many other tools that you can use as well. Some of the most powerful ones are the handwritten letter or the no contact rule. As this article comes to a close, I highly encourage you to click the links to keep reading about techniques for getting the person you love back into your arms once and for all!
As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to leave your question in the comments section below, or reach out to us directly here.
Wishing you all the best in life and love
Your coach when you still love your ex