I was talking to a client the other day who raised a question that I am often asked: What do I do if I run into my ex? She was terrified that she wouldn’t know how to act, that she’d somehow screw it up, and that her ex would immediately see how head over heels in love she still was with him. She was worried that if she were to run into him, all her hard work in terms of getting him back would be undone, especially because she was in her no contact period!
Because this is such a common question and because it’s a situation that you could easily be faced with, I wanted to write an article on what exactly to do and how maintaining silence after a breakup can catapult you towards your goal of getting back together.
So if you’re in your NC period after your breakup, don’t worry about running into your ex because you’re about to find out everything you need to know about how to handle the situation! This is just your ex – it isn’t your mortal nemesis we’re talking about here. You can remain in control of the situation, and I’m going to explain how!
Why silence after a breakup is so important
Yes, this is your ex we’re talking about. This is someone you’ve been with so you know what they like and what they don’t like, you know their personality, and you know what to expect from them. This means you are going to know how to handle the situation. First things first, I want you to understand that you are not going to blow it! You’ve just got to tap into your self confidence and know that if you do run into your ex, you’re going to be fine.
You’ve been using the NC technique so you’ve been working on becoming the best version of yourself, you’ve been restoring your self esteem, you’ve been transforming your life and you’ve been making things better than ever before. You’re proving to yourself that you bring quite a bit to the table and that you can handle this, so seeing your ex is not going to throw you off course.
So it’s true that silence after breakups is easy when you are not face to face with the person. When you run into them on the street or in a bar, your initial reaction would be to panic and feel cornered. I want you to keep in mind that you can preserve your NC period by saying hello, being cordial, and then quickly exiting the conversation.
Remember that if you’re outside your house, you have a purpose. You’re going to meet up with your cousin to watch the game, you’re on your way to pick up some things from the grocery store, you’re at a bar with your friends. Your world doesn’t stop because suddenly your ex is standing in front of you. No, you will continue doing what you were doing. In fact, it’s an easy way for you to bow out of the conversation. Just say, “Hey I’ve actually got to run, but it was nice seeing you!”
Make sure that you’re polite and positive. Whatever you do, do not dive into talking about how much you miss them and how much pain you’ve been in since the breakup happened. You want your ex to see that you’re doing well and that you’re busy. You want to make sure your ex is the one that sees you walking away, not vice versa.
You don’t want to dive into conversation and then awkwardly wait for it to die out. In essence, you want to leave your ex wanting more. They will get a little taste of seeing how well you’re doing and what you’ve been up to, so their curiosity will be spiked. This is key for your process of getting back together!
You don’t need to run in the opposite direction or hide from your ex and blatantly give him or her the silent treatment after a breakup when you run into them somewhere. Let’s say you’re at a bar and you see your ex. The next time you go to the bar to order drinks, stop by your ex’s table to say a quick hello, great to see you, great running into them, and then say you’re gonna go back and join your friends. Be lighthearted and casual. Avoid drama!
This shows your ex that you are totally fine right now, and there is nothing more attractive, believe me. It’s much more powerful than trying to guilt trip your ex into feeling terrible for leaving you because you’re in so much pain. think about it – you don’t want your ex to take you back out of pity; you want them to take you back because you inspire them and they see that they could be happy with you.
They see you’re emotionally stable, you’re confident, and you’re in a good place. You’re not at home, sulking on the couch, feeling sorry for yourself. You’ve got your own things going on and you actually don’t have time for them right now.
Think about it this way. Do you think your ex would feel inclined to get back together with someone whose life seems terrible without them? No, of course not! He or she wants to be with someone that makes their life better and more exciting! This is why you don’t want to try to guilt trip or seem readily available to your ex. The importance of silence after a breakup can be explained by the fact that it enables you to show your ex that they are no longer your top priority. Your life does not revolve around them and you are not at their beck and call.
If you run into your ex and the tears begin flowing and you just want to talk about how much you miss them, or if you see your ex at a restaurant and they see you sadly looking over, looking miserable, they’re just going to think, “Wow it’s too bad that I made this person feel that way. Looks like I’m doing a lot better than they are.” They might feel bad about it, but it’s not going to make them come back.
Now, if they look over at you and you’re smiling and laughing with the people you’re with and you’re not even paying attention to your ex anymore, they’ll be more likely to think, “Wow, my ex looks great. I kind of want to go talk with them more, I kind of want to go over there or maybe text them tomorrow to see if they want to hang out.”
This is what gets you closer and closer to your goal. So my point is to keep your distance while showcasing the positive developments in your life.
And I know that you might still be working on healing and deep down you’re still feeling very vulnerable – but that doesn’t mean you have to show that to your ex. You can still fake it ‘till you make it and say, “Hey! How are you? Great to see you, sorry I have to run. See you later!”
You can use silence after getting dumped in order to get the ball back into your court. Remember, you want to be in control of the situation now, and keeping your distance is going to help you to do that.
As this article comes to an end, I just want to remind you that our team of relationship experts is here to guide you every step of the day, whether it’s through these articles, our videos, or via one on one coaching sessions. If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to personally get back to you.
Keep on fighting the good fight!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for navigating radio silence after a breakup