Talking two an ex that you want to get back can be tricky territory. Timing is everything and you need to present yourself in the best light possible if you want this person to picture of themselves getting back together with you. So when you know that you will be seeing your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s normal that you would be wondering about what kind of questions to ask your ex, how to act, and what to talk about with them.
That is why I have decided to write an article on the subject today. There are various do’s and don’ts to keep in mind, so my goal is to provide you with a clear picture on how to approach the situation. As always, the most important thing to do is to lay a proper foundation. Laying a proper foundation also entails doing things at the right moment…
Here’s how to lay the groundwork before thinking about questions to ask your ex
When it comes to getting back together with an ex, there is a certain order to things. We can’t dive into conversations with your ex before we’ve bounced back from the breakup and have properly set the stage.
It is not uncommon at all for people to try to rush things because they’re so worried about losing the person that they love. Sometimes I get emails and phone calls from people asking me, “Adrian, what should I say to my ex? I want him/her back so badly so I need to know what I can say to make things right again!”
I received an email from Emily just this morning, who wrote:
“… My ex boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago because he said that he wasn’t happy in the relationship anymore. I need to figure out what I can say to him to make him understand that I can make things right. I know that I’ve made mistakes and I know that I haven’t been the perfect girlfriend, but I just want him to know that I’m going to change and be the partner that he needed me to be.
So do you think I should ask my ex questions about what exactly he needs from me or can I just tell him that I swear that things will be different if he just gives me a second chance?”
The problem that Emily was facing was that she was running the risk of making things worse between her and her ex by offering him empty promises. Even if her intentions were good, her ex did not want to hear any more words about what was going to change. She explained that she had promised to change in the past, and they still wound up in this situation.
The reason why I share this story with you is that it’s crucial that we do the legwork to make concrete changes before we start talking to your ex about them. I know you’ve heard the expression, “Actions speak louder than words” before, and it is entirely true.
Questions to ask your ex when you’re ready to get back in contact
If you are familiar with our philosophy then you have undoubtedly heard of the no contact rule. It is one of the most common techniques that we have our clients use, because it is one of the most powerful things a person who wants an ex back can do.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tool, it basically consists of cutting communication with your ex for a predetermined period of time ranging from three weeks to three months, depending on the complexities of your relationship and breakup.
The goal of this tool is:
1. To give your ex an electroshock
We want him or her to realize that you are no longer at their beck and call, and that they’re risking losing you forever. Unfortunately, it often becomes all too easy for a person to take another person for granted, especially when it seems like they’re always around. By cutting communication with your ex, they suddenly realize that they may have taken you for granted and that you aren’t going to wait around for them.
2. To give yourself the opportunity to make a powerful comeback
Sometimes we need to take a step back in order to make a strong comeback in someone’s life. This is especially true when it comes to making an ex want you back. During this period of zero contact, you’ll need to be channeling all of your energy into becoming the 2.0 version of yourself.
This will restore your self confidence and make your life become much more fulfilling. For more in depth information on how to harness the power of this technique, I encourage you to read this article on the no contact rule.
As I said, it’s important to avoid jumping the gun and trying to talk to your ex too early on. So if you’ve done the work and it is time to have conversations with your ex, let’s take a look at the biggest does and don’ts.
Asking your ex questions: What to avoid!
One of the most common mistakes that I see on a regular basis in my coaching sessions with people who want their ex back, is that they ask their ex questions that make them look needy.
They want to know if their ex misses them, if their ex thinks about them on a basis, if their ex could picture them getting back together, and even whether or not their ex dating someone new.
To put it simply, nothing about your behavior should imply that your ex is still on a pedestal. The needier and clingier you are, the more likely your ex will be to feel reassured that you aren’t going anywhere.
The moment you no longer present a challenge to your ex, they can rest assured that they’ve got you in their pocket and have easy access to you if they ever feel like it. This puts you at a disadvantage because it puts you in a position of lesser power.
So we need to turn the tables!
Questions to ask your ex boyfriend or girlfriend
Alright, so now it’s time for the questions to ask your ex partner. When you get back in touch with this person, you’ve got to highlight the fact that you have changed.
Don’t hesitate to tell your ex did you have taken up new hobbies. For example, when they ask you how you’ve been, you can say something like,
“I’ve been doing really well! I have started practicing yoga again and I started learning Spanish. I’ve been having so much fun. Have you been up to anything new?”
Show your ex that you are busy with things that are making you feel happy and fulfilled in your life. Use these conversations to showcase your positive changes, while expressing interest in your ex’s life as well.
Like I said above, don’t immediately start asking your ex questions about how they feel about you or whether they are dating someone new. Use these conversations to showcase yourself in the best light possible! Avoid anything that makes you look clingy or even nostalgic.
We want your ex to look at you and realize that you are now the new and improved version of the person that they fell in love with in the first place… and this is what will make you irresistible!
The questions you should ask your ex will depend on your specific situation
Each relationship is entirely unique, so please don’t hesitate to reach out for one-on-one guidance. By analyzing your specific situation we can give you a targeted action plan that will help you get closer to your goal.
As a team of dedicated love and relationship experts, we can help guide you from A-Z and get you back together with the one you love!
If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know the best questions to ask your ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!