The subconscious mind is such a fascinating thing and there are so many different theories on how dreams work. I got an email from Miguel the other day and he was asking me, “Why do I dream about my ex at least once a week? It’s been a while since we’ve broken up but I keep having these crazy dreams! Why is that?”
The truth is that there are a couple different reasons behind why a person might be dreaming about their ex so often… For some, the reasons are more obvious but for others, the whole thing can feel really confusing. Because this is such a common topic, I wanted to write an article for you on the different reasons why a person might continuously dream about an ex boyfriend or girlfriend!
Why do I dream about my ex: The differing reasons
Have you ever met one of those people that have these wildly complex and detailed dreams, and they’re somehow able to remember all of it? It’s something that I am currently working on, but Miguel was definitely one of those people. Perhaps you are as well!
I remember him telling me that in one dream, he was walking across sand in an enormous desert, wearing these oversized goggles that this tiger had told him to keep on, and he could see his ex walking along a shore in the distance. He was trying to make his way to her, but each time he moved forward, the distance between them would stretch and morph. The faster he would run, the farther away she would be, and she never saw him.
In another dream, he was on a quest to save his ex, who had been kidnapped. As he was trying to find her and save her, he was being pursued by a pack of bandits that wanted a sacred book that he had with him. The sacred book actually held the key to finding and saving her, so in an effort to keep it out of the hands of these bandits, he would tear pages of it and eat them!
Now I am no expert in dream analysis, but I can tell you that there were some interesting things going on in Miguel’s subconscious mind. For starters, there was a common theme in his dreams and he was continuously trying to get closer to his ex but couldn’t seem to do it.
When it comes to answering your question of “Why do I dream about my ex,” you can start by looking at these dreams and identifying any common themes that are present in these dreams. They can be very indicative of how you’re feeling towards a certain situation. In Miguel’s case, he had told himself that he had accepted the breakup despite the fact that he didn’t want to let her go, and he was experiencing dreams in which he was trying to get close to her. So one theory is that dreams serve as a window into what the subconscious mind truly wants.
Dreaming about an ex from an evolutionary psychology point of view
There are also other theories – this reminds me of an evolutionary psychology course my best friend took at university. He told me that the class was fascinating and to this day is probably the most interesting class he ever took!
In this course, the teacher spoke about how dreams work and what they actually reveal. He started by explaining that every single day, the human mind takes in an unimaginable amount of sensory detail. The brain will pick and choose which details are relevant enough to focus on, but that doesn’t mean that surrounding or seemingly inconsequential details are left unnoticed by the subconscious mind.
At night as the body rests, the brain goes through something kind of like a filing process where it goes through all of the sensory stimuli and determines whether these things should be filed in the longterm memory or the short term memory,
Because these images are floating around in the mind, and because we are logical beings, the brain will string these images into a storyline that we perceive as our dreams.
Why do I still dream about my ex even though we haven’t been together for a while
The thing to think about when it comes to dreaming about an ex, is whether or not there are feelings lurking in your subconscious mind that you either choose to ignore or are unaware of.
After a breakup happens, a lot of people will suppress their emotions in an effort to move on and protect themselves.
If there is still some healing to be done, the best thing to do is to face these emotions and get busy with trying to digest them. It is possible to get to the other side of heartache, even though it can be scary and painful.
The problem with suppressing feelings is that though it might feel good in the moment, these emotions tend to surge up later on down the line and can end up being more painful. Sometimes dealing with something head on is a surefire way to ensure your future happiness.
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression, “The fastest way to the other side of something is through it.” Well, this can be applied to the concept of bouncing back from a breakup.
That said, sometimes dreaming about exes is actually an indicator that you feel that you should still be with this person. It is important to be honest with yourself and really explore what would bring you the most joy. If you are always dreaming about something, I encourage you to pay attention to the feelings in the dreams, the characters, the recurring themes, and the environments.
Sometimes dreams are your mind’s way of working through residual emotions (whether they’re good or bad).
What to do if you’re always dreaming about your ex but you really don’t want to
A lot of clients have reached out to me because they want to move on and turn the page, but their ex keeps popping up in their dreams on a regular basis. They find it upsetting and confusing, especially when they’re dreaming about sleeping with an ex…
There are a couple things that you can do about this and find a more peaceful sleep, free of dreams about exes!
Of course, it is more likely that you’re dreaming about your ex if they’re the most recent memory you have in terms of being romantic or intimate with someone. I’m not going to tell you to get out there and start dating other people immediately, but it would be beneficial to get out there and start meeting new people – even if it’s just platonically.
Make new friends and broaden your horizons. Introducing new people into your daily life will influence your conscious and subconscious mind! This will filter into your dreams at night, and the odds of you dreaming about your ex all the time will significantly decrease.
If you’re wondering “Why am I dreaming about my ex all the time,” another tool is going to be falling asleep with music playing while you concentrate on your goals. The goal of this is simply to take your focus off of your ex and fill your mind with other elements. It’s normal to fixate on someone in particular as you’re going to sleep at night, but there are plenty of other things that you can fill your mind with up as you drift off to sleep.
It’s true that a person can feel pretty worked up or upset when they awaken from a dream about an ex and end up thinking, I’m tired of dreaming of you! It can be unsettling and conjure up all kinds of negative emotions in you.
The best thing you can do for this is physical exercise. You can clear your mind and give your body a boost of energy that clears out all the tension that your dream made you feel. Go for a run until your legs just won’t carry you any further. Try boxing or swimming! You want to get your heart rate up and your sweat flowing! What’s more, exercise gives you more energy which in turn helps you to be more in control of your emotions.
As this article comes to a close, remember that we are here to help. If you would like one on one guidance or if you’re thinking about trying to get your ex back, you can reach out to us by clicking here.
Wishing you all the best in life and love
Your coach when you’re asking “Why am I dreaming about my ex”
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!