Even many years after the separation, the mention of your ex can make you start dreaming about being together again, or at least start feeling some sort of nostalgia. For a variety of reasons you haven’t mourned the relationship quite yet, and deep down you’re still feeling something for this person.
It might not necessarily be love but there are so many wonderful memories that make you think about how good you felt together, and you really don’t want to end up with regrets.
If you’re thinking that you’re the only person who has ever felt like this, don’t be silly. Out of all the people I coach after a breakup that happened a long time ago, half of them feel the same way you do! Many people want to be with their ex again because of all their memories.
So how can you explain the fact that some people are able to quickly move on whereas you still can’t get your ex out of your head?
There are of course many reasons that can explain why you still want to be close to them despite the separation. However, your amorous feelings aren’t always the only cause, even if they’re not something to neglect.
It’s important to note that this isn’t an easy situation to be in because you have so many questions, you don’t know whether or not it’s a good idea to try and get back with your ex.
Deciding to try and get back together years after the separation is no piece of cake, so it’s important to clarify the reasons behind the desire so that you will therefore be able to figure out the best possible strategy.
People often ask me, “Adrian, why do I want to get back with my ex after how much they hurt me?” It’s not an easy question to answer because each relationship is very unique.
Nevertheless, you should know that thanks to my experience as a coach, and a lecturer, I have been able to determine the 5 reasons we see most often in men and women.
Why do I want to get back with my ex? Discover 2 “good” reasons why!
No, your ex hasn’t put some kind of curse on you if you’re still thinking about them months or even years after the breakup! I will give you some explanations behind this phenomenon that will surely correspond to your current situation.
In your eyes, it is most likely a good thing that you want your ex back because you’re still in love or because you regret a decision made too hastily. If you’re finding yourself in the second category, make sure that you’re not experiencing emotional dependence or that you’re idealizing your ex.
The main reason: I love my ex and I can’t imagine my life without them
Since the beginning of this article I’ve briefly touched on the main reason behind why you’d want your ex back, but I haven’t gone very far into detail on the subject.
It’s about Love! It’s often the most logical reason but it’s also the most delicate because it’s tricky when you think that it’s the only thing guiding you! In truth there are many little explanations but you’ve been blinded and don’t see the other reasons because your emotions are taking over.
As I often explain in the videos that you can find on my YouTube channel, people tend to think about being with an ex again not because they’re in love, but because they felt good by their side. This happiness causes a slight issue…
This doesn’t mean that you’re not feeling any love but it’s also likely that you’re in fact feeling emotional dependence. Not all of this is negative because in truth, you really just want to find a balance again.
So yes, of course you’re thinking, “I sincerely love my ex,” and you regret the mistakes that lead to the breakup. It’s perfectly normal that you’d want to start over and rebuild a solid relationship in which you make sure you have no regrets and feel fulfilled.
You’ve realized how important they are in your life and now it’s time to show them the new and improved You! (Within reason, of course…)
I regret the breakup!
Here, we aren’t talking about the men and women that were broken up with; we are talking about the people that made the decision to leave. But with time, they had realized that their ex was The One. Don’t worry if you’re in this situation as well, because even if you decided to break up it’s possible to make the person you love come back to you!
That said, don’t ever let remorse take control of your life because this can ruin your life. A person could think that they’d be happier, that they’d be able to have an even better relationship with someone else, but if you’re regretting the absence of the person you were sharing your life with before, you’re not going to be able to move on to something else.
You’ll end up regretting that decision too.
There is also the guilt. You’ve hurt someone by deciding to separate and you’re regretting it today. Sometimes you need some time and space for things to become blatantly clear, and you’re perfectly aware of how much you care about your ex-partner.
However, if you’re wondering, “ Why do I want to get back with my ex when I’m the one that decided to break up” you’re not in the right frame of mind. In some situations, there are no logical explanations to give. So if you want to be together again, you’re going to have to use a specific technique designed to move on from your previous decision, without making you look too “addicted” to your ex.
In truth, you don’t want your ex to be addicted to you either; you need balance. You have to attract them, but don’t go overboard.
I want my ex to come back: 3 “negative” reasons!
Let’s be clear, you’re not being judged because this is your decision, and I respect it completely. But in terms of the process of getting back together, if you find yourself in any of these 3 situations you could end up paying the price because your ex will be much less inclined to listen to your arguments and will not make it easy for you to get close again.
You miss your ex so you want to get them back
Sometimes even just a few intense weeks or even days are enough for someone to claim an important place in your heart, and you need their presence in order to feel good.
Even if you had idealized your partner, which is not very healthy in terms of getting back together and I’ll get back to this point in a bit, you’re having a tough time forgetting about your couple’s habits, your reflexes and all the little gestures that made you so happy.
Your ex’s absence is felt on a daily basis and you find it unbearable. You no longer receive a text during your day, you no longer share intimate moments, you sleep alone, and this solitude is starting to weigh you down.
Wanting to get your ex back is often due to the fact that you’re unable to move forward without their presence. You wake up and think of them immediately, you fall asleep thinking about them, and you even dream about your ex. If you’re in this stage it means that you’re a little bit obsessed and you’re going to have to work on yourself before you do anything else.
Having had a long and intense relationship with someone isn’t easy to forget, especially when all the amazing memories are playing on repeat in your head. In this stage, you’re bordering emotional dependence and you have to be careful not to fall into this trap…
I’m addicted to my ex and my emotional dependence makes me want them back
This unfortunately isn’t the most pleasant thing to hear but it’s very common after a breakup and it shouldn’t be forgotten because it concerns many of my readers. So many people find themselves facing this problem and it’s not necessarily even after a separation.
Emotional dependence can appear at any moment in a relationship whether it’s during the seduction phase, once you’re already together, and of course after you’ve broken up.
Being addicted involves emotional dependence, but it’s even more intense because it involves the aspect of missing the person. You can’t imagine your future without them. Of course you love them but you’ve been idealizing your ex, you’re putting them on a pedestal and you’re sometimes even devaluing yourself.
Self-confidence is essential even when you’re beginning the process of getting back together and you shouldn’t neglect this aspect.
When you want to convince the person you love to come back into your arms, you have to revive their feelings for you and subsequently the more you show signs of emotional dependence, the more likely the other person will pull back. It’s like clockwork and this is why I recommend detachment after the breakup.
It’s important to work on rebuilding yourself after such a painful moment because it’s exactly in these times that it’s easiest to make mistakes.
They’re new boyfriend/girlfriend revived my feelings!
One should never deny that sometimes pride plays a role in the big decisions you make in love. You needed an electroshock to make you wake up and realize how much love you feel for your ex. It’s not rare for a person to want their ex back upon seeing them in the arms of another…
You have a knot in your stomach, you’re taking it personally that the person you were together with in the past is sharing their life with someone else now. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not criticizing you! I’m not saying that your ego is controlling your life because some of the most beautiful love stories were reborn in situations exactly like this one.
As I said sometimes you need a shocking eye-opener to get started on your attempt at getting back together and it is in these moments that you can flourish!
The coach to contact when wondering “why do I want to get back with my ex”.
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!