Today’s article is inspired by a conversation I had with Emily this morning. She came to me with a problem that I see on a regular basis in my coaching sessions. Many of the people I work with still live under the same roof as their ex because they bought the property together or share a lease, and things can get very complicated. Emotions and tensions run high, it becomes difficult to get the space you both need, and the process of getting an ex back might feel extremely overwhelming.
I wanted to write this article for you today to explain what I explained to Emily. If you have a solid action plan, then living with your ex can actually make the process of getting back together with someone considerably easier! Because it is also a very delicate situation, there are various do’s and don’ts to keep in mind. Fortunately, you have found this article and by the time you finish reading it, you’ll know what to do!
Is it possible to get back together if you’re living with an ex you still love?
As I am sure that you have gathered from the introduction of this article, it is totally possible to get an ex back when you’re living together. There are of course some various elements that we need to take into consideration, but the fact of the matter is that you are actually in a very advantageous situation.
Emily was living with her boyfriend in the apartment they had purchased together a few years back, and when the breakup took place they ended up continuing to live together for the time being. As I explained to her, living with an ex is advantageous because it gives you the opportunity to give your ex first row seats to the positive changes you’ve been making in your own life.
So many people struggle with figuring out how to make their exes see how much they’ve grown from the breakup. A lot of times the ex in question won’t even speak to the person that contacts me, let alone spend time with them…
The thing about living with your ex is that it can be a huge asset, but you need to be very careful with it. Because you have direct access to your ex, you are also vulnerable to making big mistakes. I work with clients in this situation at least once a day, and people have a very tough time figuring out how to apply some of the techniques we propose to our clients who want to get back together with their exes…
I do want to reassure you however, that for our purposes it is much better to be dealing with an ex that you see every single day than to be dealing with someone who you don’t have access to anymore.
Living with your ex: The biggest do’s and don’ts
When I am working with people in this situation, most of them want to know about how to use some of the common techniques for getting an ex back under these circumstances. It is hard for a person to navigate how to use something like the no contact rule with someone they see every day, or how to use the handwritten letter with someone they share a bed with…
The thing about still living with your ex is that these tools will need to be modified.
Now, in the process of getting back together with an ex, seeing this person it is an inevitable step. You just cannot restore a relationship with someone without actually seeing them and interacting with them! Given your situation, this is something that you already have access to, so this is a very positive thing.
The negative thing is that many people who are saying, “I still live with my ex” struggle with making sure that they are not too needy, that they don’t make their ex feel suffocated, and that they don’t make their partner crave more space. It is very important to not allow insecurities to get the best of you.
When you live with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to make changes in your personal life and your behavior very quickly. It’s important that you waste no time in understanding what went wrong and begin to implement changes right away. At the same time, it’s important to give your partner space within your living space so that he or she doesn’t end up feeling even more overwhelmed by the situation.
The key to making your ex want you back when living together after a divorce or breakup
If you really want this person back in your life as your partner and not just as your roommate, you’re going to have to grab life by the horns and start changing your schedule so that you become very busy with things that benefit you.
You have to give yourself the opportunity to heal, which you can do by pursuing goals and stretching your comfort zone. This is possible even if you’re living with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. You just need to focus on personal development and growth, and then when you come home you have to be on your best behavior. Putting your best foot forward and being positive will really benefit you, especially at this phase.
Try to be as inspiring to your ex as you can be without overdoing it. As I said above, the fact that you live with this person means that you can show them first hand that you’ve learned a great deal from this breakup and that you are actively working on becoming the new and improved version of yourself.
This also keeps you safe from begging and pleading with your ex to take you back, which is the opposite of what you should be doing right now. Being busy is key because it enables you to steer clear of the types of behaviors that can end up pushing your ex farther away. I know that you are prepared to do the work because you’ve already gone out of your way to find this article and learn what you need to do now.
There is so much to know about how to deal with living with an ex, and each situation is so unique, so I want to let you know that I have created a video seminar of almost twenty videos on this specific subject.
I can help you to navigate these challenging waters and really use this situation to your benefit. It’s all going to be about making sure that you are busy with things that will be beneficial to your own well being. The worst thing you could do right now would be to wallow in self pity and let your ex see how hurt you are by this breakup.
Keep in mind that an ex is not going to want to take you back because it looks like you’re suffering. Besides, you don’t want to be with someone who’s just with you out of pity, right?
The key to making an ex want you back is to make him or her realize that their life would be significantly more fulfilling if they had you by their side.
This means that you have to inspire your ex with the changes you’ve been making. So think about picking up old hobbies and discovering new ones, think about spending time with friends and family members that bring you joy, think about checking out new places that have opened in your city, and start coming up with ways to step outside of your comfort zone and discover new things.
Get physically active or switch up your work out routine so that you boost your confidence and your energy levels, start making new friends and check out new restaurants, galleries, classes and meet ups. Let your ex see that you’re having fun and that you aren’t letting this breakup break you. In fact, this breakup has served as a catalyst for very positive changes in your life and you are handling it with grace and positivity. This will grab your ex’s attention, and they’ll have first row seats to all of these amazing changes because you live together.
As always, I am here to help you from A to Z, so please don’t hesitate to reach out. I know that each story is unique and you’ve got lots of questions about your specific situation, so you can get in touch with me or a member of my team by clicking here. You can also leave any questions you may have in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to personally get back to you.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re wondering what to do when you live with your ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!