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You’ve broken up with your ex, and as of recently (at least pretty recently) you haven’t been speaking. However, it’s officially the time of year when you have to ask yourself on of these stressful questions: “Should I call my ex for his birthday?” or “Should I call my ex for her  birthday?”

You surely remember your ex’s birthday. Many of you reading this article have celebrated birthdays together in previous years. Maybe you’ve given gifts, maybe you’ve taken trips, or maybe you two just disappeared from the world and embraced each other’s most recent revolution around the sun.

Regardless of how the previous birthday(s) have been spent with your ex, you already know that this year will be different. This year, you aren’t together and you just aren’t sure if wishing an ex happy birthday is a good move.

This is a dilemma that the majority of people in breakups face, so if you feel like you can relate to this content – you aren’t alone. There are actually thousands of people wondering this exact same thing at this very moment, so take a second to recognize that; it is humbling to remember.

In fact, this conundrum happens to so many people I coach in one-on-one sessions that I found it imperative to create an article around the dreaded topic of “should I call or text my ex for their birthday”. Before I dive in, I want to mention that a lot of people are readers. Especially in the times of today, some people ingest information better via video rather than text, and so if you’re trying to determine whether or not to text your ex on their birthday, but don’t want to read about it, you can also view this video.

In this article, I’ll discuss the reasons why wishing your ex a happy birthday can be a good idea, but also why you might want to reconsider. If you feel like you are personally struggling with whether or not to reach out to your ex on their birthday, then I invite you to leave a comment beneath this article, or reach out to us directly to schedule a coaching session. Together, we can assess your situation, and determine what makes sense in terms of whether wishing you ex a happy birthday is the right move for you to make.

Wishing my ex a happy birthday can be a good idea for the following reasons!

For many relationships, wishing an ex a happy birthday after being broken up can really show a lot of maturity. I can reflects very positively on your personal development. You don’t want any bad blood between you and this is a great way to show it. You’d like to do this so that things can settle down between after a difficult breakup, and I have to congratulate you because it is proof that you’re ready to start anew. It can enable you to remain friends or at least on good terms without worrying about the past.

Another great reason why wishing an ex a happy birthday can be a great idea is if you may have kids together. If you share children, wishing your ex a happy birthday can serve more people than just you and your ex, but also your little ones. It will allow for the family to be united without animosity of can preserve a general sense of cordiality between everyone involved. If you’re resentful to your ex, and don’t want to wish them a happy birthday but share kids, take a moment to reflect on how your kids will be affected. This day is very important for them and their understanding of relationships, too. We as parents must set the standard and serve as role models for our children – and showcase the appropriate ways to
treat those around us.

On and off relationship: How to stop breaking up!

If you have kids and decide to wish your ex a happy birthday, it can also cover to celebrating it with them and the kids. In this case it’s more of an obligation to wish your ex a happy birthday, but you still have to make the effort.

I remember two years ago, I was coaching a woman that had decided to cut contact with her ex for weeks. Her main concern was knowing when to stop radio silence. Then one day she asked me a question that changed everything. “My ex’s birthday is in two days, should I reach out or continue my RS?”

I think you see where I’m going with this. You can definitely “use” an ex’s birthday as a moment to break the ice and get back in touch. They would most probably appreciate it and be happy to start talking to you again on this special day; unless you’ve been fighting since the breakup.

When it comes to wishing you ex a happy birthday, please note that if you haven’t been in touch for months and then just pop back up to wish your ex a very happy birthday they might be suspicious of your motives. In any case, if the day is coming up you can of course wish them happy birthday (just be mindful of this they may mean for them and how to may take your outreach!)

The birthday phone call is en excellent way to get back in touch, and it’s also a way to show your ex that you haven’t forgotten.

Wishing happy birthday is therefore useful when you’re trying to get back together. It’s also a great way to establish friendly contact and to break away from all the troubles that may have led to your separation. Use this day to improve the situation; and to show your ex that you are still thinking of them.

Feeling reluctance when faced with celebrating an ex’s birthday

If there are many reasons to wish an ex happy birthday, there are also many reasons why you’d feel reluctant to reach out and to get back in touch. Maybe you’d prefer to stay disconnected, at least for this year.

If the breakup was a messy one and you don’t feel ready to get back in contact with the person you shared your life with, then don’t blame yourself and take this year off. Why? Well, because if you aren’t ready to reach out to your ex and wish them a happy birthday, it may be too painful to re-open those wounds. Now that you aren’t together, it’s important to focus more on how you feel and less about how your actions will influence your ex or how they look at you.

What not to do with an ex when looking to get back together!

Never abandon your own journey at the expense of a previous relationship. 

Some people may find it to be “hypocritical” to send a birthday message when things are less than peachy between you. I understand why you’d want to keep your distance and avoid contact, and that your ex’s birthday doesn’t change the way you feel.

Let’s take the example of radio silence that I mentioned in an earlier part of this article.

You can also use it to show your ex that you’ve forgotten them and no longer prioritize your relationship. By not reaching out, they are likely to really notice your absence, because they’ll probably be checking their phone or Facebook all day expecting to receive a message from you. Not reaching out will not go unnoticed; and can prompt your ex to come to you in hopes of an explanation.

Certain situations can also justify remaining silent while your ex is celebrating their birthday. For example, when your separation was a result of a serious problem between you. If you were cheated on or if you experienced some kind of betrayal, it’s perfectly logical that you wouldn’t want to reach out. In fact, if you do reach out, your ex may view the outreach as a lack of respect for yourself. Remember, value is something that you give yourself and it isn’t supposed to be justified by an ex that did you wrong or really hurt you and/or your relationship with yourself.

A lot of people think that they have no choice but to wish their ex a happy birthday but these men and women probably haven’t gone through really hard situations with their old partners. As I said, there are situations in which you have to make an effort to reach out (if you have kids for example) but sometimes keeping your distance is totally appropriate as well. Your ex can’t get mad at you for it unless they’ve already gone out of their way to wish you a happy birthday!

Ultimately, before deciding whether or not to reach out to an ex on their birthday, take some time to reflect on the quality of the relationship you had. How will reaching out make you feel? How will reaching out make them feel? Will you regret reaching out? Or, will you regret not reaching out? All of these questions should be considered, so you can be sure you are making the right choice and are also doing what’s best for you.

Your coach when wondering should I be wishing my ex a happy birthday



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