When a breakup occurs between two people, it is not uncommon for there to be quite a bit of residual tension. This is especially true if the relationship ended in explosive fights or if one person feels deeply betrayed by the other. As a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together, you can imagine how often I work with individuals who come to me saying, “I love someone who hates me and I have no idea how to get them back.”
It’s true, it’s a tricky situation because when emotions are running high, it’s hard to find the reassurance you’re seeking. But I am here to tell you that it is entirely possible to get your ex to see you in a new light and begin to consider getting back together with you. It’s going to require patience, motivation, self discipline and perseverance. In today’s article, I’m going to go over how your ex might be feeling right now so that you can adapt your approach in the best way possible, and then I’m going to go over some tips and techniques to help you reach your goal!
I love someone who hates me and I’m scared that all hope is lost
As we begin this article, I wanted to take a moment to give you some reassurance. As I was saying in the introduction, I have been a relationship coach for very long time so I have been able to notice some patterns. When someone comes to me saying, “ I love someone who hates me,” things are often not as bad as they think. It may seem that the person you love hates you right now, but more often than not, they still care deep down.
In a messy breakup, it’s not uncommon for a person to say things they don’t mean, to become incredibly hostile, and to make the other person feel like they truly hate them. It’s usually a pride issue. If they’ve been hurt deeply enough they can lash out in a way that makes it clear that they want nothing to do with you, so it is totally normal that you would think that they hate your guts.
As a result, both of you are left hurting and upset. It’s hard to take a step back and take an objective view at the situation when you’re in the thick of it, but it’s helpful to remember that a person will often be aggressive and/or furious with you when they’ve been deeply hurt. When you factor their emotions into the equation, it makes it much easier to approach the situation with empathy – which is a crucial element in a successful breakup recovery process.
By the way, if you’re familiar with our philosophy then you might have heard me mention this before. A lot of people think that hatred is the opposite of love, and that if their ex hates them, then all hope is lost and there is nothing that they can do. Well, the opposite of love is actually indifference.
If you are getting such a strong reaction from the person you love, it means that you are still getting a powerful emotional response from them. In other words, it means that they care and are susceptible to the way you make them feel. If they didn’t care, it would be a different story.
So, even if you’re reading this right now thinking, “Why do I love someone who hates me so much,” I want you to remember that these strong, negative feelings that your ex is experiencing right now are temporary and if you play your cards right, you can hit the reset button.
In most cases when a person is thinking, “I love someone who hates me,” hatred is not the correct term. It’s usually a sense of disappointment and resentment that your ex is feeling towards you as a result of your behavior throughout the breakup process, or something that you did that lead up to the breakup.
So how can we fix this?
A thin line between love and hate: Making your ex see you in a new light
When a person is hurting as a result of the breakup, they often forget that their ex partner is also suffering tremendously. Just because someone made the decision to end a relationship, it doesn’t mean that they are exonerated from having to feel the pain that goes along with the loss of a relationship.
So the first thing I want us to do is to take a step back. It’s important to be able to take a big step back so that you can make a powerful comeback!
You and your ex both need time to breathe and when you love someone, you’ve got to be able to give them space. Pretty much the worst thing you could do right now is suffocate them with incessant apologies, or by begging and pleading with them to take you back. This is the exact type of thing that would make a person want to run for the hills.
When you give your ex some space, it also allows you to take a moment for your own emotions to settle down and then you can analyze the situation. Think about what you may have done throughout the relationship and the breakup that lead up to these tensions?
Then, it’s also important to think back on all the positive elements of the relationship.
• What your ex loved about you
• What drew him/her to you
• How you had fun together
• What you brought to each other’s lives
These elements are going to serve you in the ex recovery process. If you’re able to take a step back and understand what went wrong, and then work on yourself to become a better person and a better partner, then the way that your ex sees you is going to change as well. People’s perception of situations changes overtime as they gather more information, so you can use this to your advantage!
Getting an ex to start loving you again is possible
When you love someone who hates you, you’re going to have to present changes. Empty words and promises are not going to do anything to fix the situation. Once you have made your apology, there is no sense in continuously telling your ex that you’re sorry and that you swear you’ll change. The fact of the matter is that actions will always speak louder than words and your ex is going to respond to actions.
Now is the ideal time to start working on becoming the 2.0 version of yourself. Think about what elements of your personal life could use some improvement and start setting goals for yourself. These can be professional goals or personal goals, but you just need to make sure that you’re becoming proud of yourself. Make sure that you forgive yourself first, and little by little your ex is going to start seeing you in a new light.
We are also here to help you every step of the way, and if you would like one on one coaching, all you have to do is click here to work with me or a member of my team. Our goal is to provide you with everything you need to reach your goal of getting back together with the one you love! There are so many tools available to you like the handwritten letter, so don’t panic and think that all hope is lost.
You know, a tumultuous breakup can often be a catalyst that grants you and the one you love access to a relationship that is better and stronger than ever before. These situations often highlight what needs to be changed and serve as fuel for making long term improvements.
If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below and it would be our pleasure to personally respond to you.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re thinking, “I love someone who hates me”
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!