Did you or someone you know dump their ex only to have regrets weeks or months after the separation? You broke up but now miss your ex and would be willing to do anything to get them back? The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence, but the reality is that it often isn’t!
Most people do feel like they deserve a second chance and are willing to do whatever it takes to get back with someone that they once loved. Life has its’ ups and downs and you may have broken up with your ex at a time when different aspects of your life were not going your way, you may have felt stuck or overwhelmed, or just simply got too comfortable and board. However you must realize that your “liberation” most likely caused great harm to your ex, who often times is left feeling powerless.
No matter what the circumstances may have been, unless the break up was extremely nasty, know that it is possible for you to get back with your ex, even if they are now with someone else. In this article we will guide you and highlight how to correct your mistake in order for you not to regret dumping an ex that you still have feelings for!
It is OK to feel regret after a separation that you once were convinced was necessary for your well-being. Truth be told relationships are hard. Although it can be exciting and all lovie-dovie in the early stages of your romance or what I like to refer to as the honey moon stage of your relationships, thrill can quickly turn into routine and boredom. Life quickly can get in the way, and you start to notice all the little pet peeves that your counterpart does that drive you crazy.
In the end you might have thought that your relationship was giving you more headaches and stress than love and comfort and so you decided to end it. The only problem is that after a few weeks or months you realize that you miss them dearly, that you still have strong feelings and that you want them back!
I don’t blame you, and know that you are not the first to experience such an emotional change of heart. The feelings of freedom or liberation that can come immediately following a breakup are common for the person who has decided to end the relationship. You are often times excited about a new beginning in your life; you no longer have to share your time or compromise on doing activities that you did not really want to do, you are able to fully focus on your wants and needs and subconsciously imagine a future where you are able to live the life of your dreams.
The possibilities are endless and you feel like you may finally find a counterpart with whom you share more in common with and who accepts you fully for who you truly are! Only then you can sometimes come to realize even after a rebound or two that something is missing and that a feeling of emptiness subsides. Many times, this void is linked to or filled by thoughts of your ex who may or may not have found someone else by that point.
Regret dumping an ex: Make sure you want them back for the right reasons!
The first and most essential advice given to anyone who regrets dumping an ex is to challenge them on the true reasons of why they would want to get back together. Do you simply feel lonely and are seeking the love and validation of someone that has been there for you in the past?
Have you learned something new about yourself that has made you rethink your position or appreciation for your ex? Whatever the reasons may be, it is essential that you be truthful with yourself about your motives because you will need to explain them to your ex and “come clean” in order to be forgiven.
If deep down in your heart you know that you are not pursuing them with the right intentions, or if you are not convinced that anther relationship with your ex might work, we advise that you give up right then and there. It is not fair to both you and your ex to have to go through yet another breakup. It will only lead to more sorrow, distrust and frustration. Trust us, the pleasure that you will gain from winning them back and benefiting from their love will not be worth the trouble that will come with a second breakup!
However, if your intentions stem from love and you cannot fathom another breakup or hurting your ex again then we strongly recommend that you use our different nuggets or insight to help you win back the one you love! Through a seduction process that will enable them to fall back in love with you and to trust you once again, you will have to explain to your ex what has changed since the breakup; What have you realized since then about yourself, about your past behaviors, your love for them and what are your intentions moving forward.
Starting over on their terms not yours
You will need to be patient and dedicated in your pursuit to win back their heart. You will need to let them come around on their own terms and be prepared to wait if need be. The tables have turned and unlike the breakup the decision to get back together is theirs to make. That is why it is crucial that you know exactly why you are willing to battle to win them back; your ex will often times force you to go through the gauntlet to prove your love. After all you made them go through, it’s only right that they test your will and intentions to ensure that you are committed and won’t hurt them again!
Every relationship is different, and every breakup is therefore also unique. One constant however is that, to a certain extent, it will be necessary to highlight that you have come to certain realizations that will enable you to be a better boyfriend or girlfriend this time around. You will need to prove to them, both through words but also through your actions that you are more considerate and compassionate in their regard.
Even more importantly you will have to make them feel valued and special! Breaking up with someone affects both their ego and their self-esteem. Feeling unwanted by someone that you love or have feelings for is one of the worse feelings in the world and it can have profound repercussions on a person psyche and the way they feel about you. Therefore you must go out of your way to showcase how far you have come in realizing how special they are and prove how considerate you intend to be moving forward — through actions that will speak louder than any words.
What if they are with someone else?
What if my ex has found someone else; is still possible to win them back and what should I do? That is a question that we often come across and that could warrant an article in and of itself. However the answer can be summed up very simply: yes it is possible for you to win them back! First and foremost, the odds are that you will have been in a relationship with your ex for a longer time period than their new boyfriend or girlfriend. Thus, it is fair to assume that you will know them better both on an intimate level, as well as through the little things that make them unique, or what makes them tic.
It is possible to use this insight to your advantage to connect with your ex on a level that their new partner will still be unable to do. Use this connection to your advantage to make them laugh, to do something special for them that will set you apart or simply to show your renewed love and appreciation.
Once again, if you are faced with such a predicament it may be necessary for you to be patient and to let your ex come around on their own terms. When an ex gets broken up with and gets into a rebound type relationship, it is often to fill the void left by your absence, to regain self-confidence, or simply to be distracted or to feel valued and loved.
You will be providing them with most if not all of these elements in your quest to win them back. Therefore the odds are not in favor of their rebound relationship working out anyways, so do not feel overly threatened by the new guy or girl that seems to have taken your place!
Create a new relationship altogether not the continuation of a past failed one.
As you get ready to embark on a new love story with your ex-lover it is vital that you both consider it as a whole new relationship all together completely different and independent from the past one. It is way too easy and destructive to carry the baggage from your first relationship into the next one. This is a common trap that dooms many couples who have good intentions but quickly fall back into the same dynamics that caused them to drift apart previously.
Many different tools can be used to prevent this from happening. For one, make sure you communicate openly with your partner and that you both stay accountable to each other. Make it a point to not bring up past transgressions. Secondly, you can never settle and consider each other to be had; your partner will continuously need to be seduced, won over and made feel special.
Make sure that you periodically do new activities and that you push your couple outside of its comfort zone: a weekend camping getaway, skydive as a couple, road trip to go see college friends, or anything else that can enable you to break away from routine.
In most cases when the intentions are good and one truly realizes what they have lost, people are willing to give more of themselves, to be more patient and more compassionate with their ex. You are no longer left wondering if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, because you will know for a fact that even with all of your ex ‘s imperfection, they are still the one that you chose to be with when a world of possibilities was opened to you!
Your coach, here to help you to not regret dumping an ex,