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spy on exI was speaking to one of my clients today who is in the process of trying to get her ex boyfriend back. She’s feeling very nostalgic these days because she of course misses him and what they used to share when they were still happy. She’s very active on social media and she asked me, “Hey do you think I could post a picture of us when we were on that trip in Tulum?”

I am often asked questions about this type of thing, so I wanted to write this article on whether or not you should post pictures of your ex on social media. It’s a delicate subject, especially if you are in active No Contact…

Posting pictures of your ex on social media

We live in a society where Instagram, Facebook, and all the other social media platforms have become an intrinsic part of our lives. They’re incredible tools that allow us to keep in touch with the people we care about whether the live in the same neighborhood or on the other side of the planet! They enable us to share photos of our lives, our travels, our friends, our families…

They even help some people maintain a happy long distance relationship. We have become so accustomed to posting pics, commenting on photos, liking posts, posting stories, and documenting everything we do that social media is important to take into account when it comes to interactions with an ex – especially when that ex is someone that you are trying to get back together with.

Is putting pictures of your ex on social media a good idea?

So let’s go back to my client who was asking about posting pictures of her and her ex on her Instagram. She was starting her no contact period and wanted to get her ex’s attention. At first she told me that she liked the picture and she wanted to post something pretty, but after we talked a bit more about it she did admit that she wanted to grab his attention and make him want to reach out to her, or at least notice that she had initiated no contact.

The problem here was posting a picture of the two of them together would clearly signal to her ex that he was on her mind. Doing so would put the power right back into his hands because he would realize that he still has an effect on her…

Posting pics of your ex on social media: The verdict

One of the pillars of the ex recovery process is focusing on yourself and channeling your energy into making sure that you become the best version of yourself. The no contact process aims to help with this.

One of the pillars of the no contact process is giving your ex an electroshock and making him or her realize that they are no longer on a pedestal in your mind. So as you’ve come to understand, posting pictures of your ex when you’re trying to get them back is not a good idea.

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That said, it does not mean that social media cannot be used as a powerful tool in the ex recovery process…

How social media can serve you in this process

So, if you are already active on social media, I want you to know that it can be a crucial element of getting an ex back! If you’re reading this article then chances are you already have profiles on at least Facebook and Instagram.

First things first, if you aren’t already active on social media then I wouldn’t suggest that you modify your online presence too much because it could look like you’re trying to get your ex’s attention. It can also show that you’re very influenced by the breakup, which is not what we want. However, if you already have established your social media presence, you can subtly use it to get his or her attention in an amazing way.

checking ex profile

So instead of posting pictures of your ex online, make sure you’re posting pictures of all the fun and exciting things you’ve been doing post breakup. Think about sharing images of your morning run on the beach, the fun night out you had with your friends at that new restaurant that just opened up, your weekend camping trip, etc.

Avoid pictures that look like you’re pining for attention (ex. Pictures in which you are provocatively dressed or very drunk for example). Pictures like these will not be attractive and can really damage your attempt at getting back together.

Use social media as a platform to showcase positive changes and subliminally make your ex understand that their life would be much richer if they were by your side…

Post the new activities you’ve been incorporating into your life, and the things that you’re excited about.

Can I and should I post pictures of my ex if they’ve blocked me?

A lot of people come to us asking how to get their ex’s attention on social media if they’ve blocked them. Simply put, by not checking their profiles, a sense of curiosity will be sparked in your ex. They’ll check your profiles because they’ll be wondering why you aren’t watching their stories and why their life suddenly doesn’t interest you that much anymore.

This is a tool that can communicate the fact that you’re able to focus on your own life now. Your own life and your own happiness are your priorities right now so if you want to lure them into your social media content, avoid looking at theirs.

Just make sure you’re posting pictures of your new lifestyle. This makes them realize that you are not the person they left anymore,

In coaching sessions, we always like to remind our clients that the key to success is to become the person they met, not the person they left. Your chances of success are multiplied tenfold when you can become the 2.0, new and improved version of the person your ex met when they first fell in love with you.

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How to communicate with my ex after a breakup?

Posting pictures of your ex vs posting pictures of the new you

Perhaps you aren’t quite sure how to start presenting the new and improved “you” on your profiles, so keep in mind that you can always get in touch with us and we can help you curate your content in order to showcase how you’ve changed, and how you’re living your life these days.

This breakup is an opportunity to redefine who you are, and your social media profile can be the perfect place to share this with the world, without you having to do much at all! All you need to do is post some pictures of the changes you’ve made and something will happen in your ex’s mind.spying ex on social media

They’re probably expecting you to be miserable and be wallowing in self pity right about now, so surprise them! Show them that this breakup didn’t break you. In fact, it really served as a catalyst for you to make real changes and start living the life you’ve always wanted!

A final note on being blocked on social media

As this article comes to a close, I just wanted to take a moment to go over blocking a little bit more. If you were blocked by your ex on social media, it just means that you overdid it. You pushed them too far by either being too needy and clingy, overstepping boundaries, or by simply making them feel like they had to forcefully put space between you.

We typically implement no contact when this happens, and it can offer your ex a chance to calm down and heal. It gives them a chance to remember the good, but it does not mean that they aren’t going to be scared that history will repeat itself and that they’ll end up feeling overwhelmed if they open the door to communication to you again.

Now, even if your ex does not unblock you after no contact, it does not mean that all hope is lost. We can still reach out to them (and no, not by posting pictures of you together on Instagram!)

If you can reach out to your ex after NC in one of the ways that we recommend, then in time, your ex should be able to let his or her walls down again. Each process is unique, but there is always something you can do. For one on one guidance, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us and we can design an optimal action plan together to get you to your goal.

As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to leave your questions in the comments section below.

Wishing you all the best in life and love,

Your coach when you’re wondering if you should post pictures of your ex

Adrian